Is His Next Stop the Commissioner’s Desk?
By Diane M. Grassi
Joe Torre, former Major League Baseball (MLB) manager of no less than five MLB teams as well as a former 17-year MLB player, has been making his way through the maze of MLB executive life in 2011. Torre was appointed on February 26, 2011 by current MLB Commissioner, Bud Selig, as Executive Vice President of Baseball Operations. He also serves as the commissioner’s liaison to general managers and field managers of all 30 MLB teams.
Too many times in sports, we as the fans get a raw deal on what we’re told. We get to hear what the players and coaches have to say, but in a censored version. What they say on TV or in an article isn’t necessarily what they really say behind closed doors.
Lucky for you though, I was able to obtain an all-access pass to last week’s biggest events and happenings in sports (because that’s the kind of thing you can obtain fairly easily when you are a fake journalist). I got to conduct private interviews and attend private tapings under the guise that they wouldn’t be shared with the public. But thanks to my complete lack of any standing credibility, I can share them with you anyway! So for your reading enjoyment, here is the first installment of “What they really said.”
“Winning is nice if you don’t lose your integrity in the process.” –Arnold Horshak, Welcome Back, Kotter
Forget steroids. Forget asterisks. Forget gambling, sideline taping, dogfighting, DUIs, and firearm possession. While they all are the headlining stars of the dramatic Demise of Sports feature film, they are also eclipsing other infractions that may be technically legal, but are much more cancerous.
The most salacious sins and underhanded offenses occur squarely in the gray area, the insidious trap of loopholes and defendable vices. On the contrary, performance-enhancing substances and criminal misdemeanors stack up neatly in the black and white areas, the right and wrong silos.
Well, we have survived another year. Many things have changed, but most fire hydrants remain the same, at least where I live. I will be going out and getting drunk on this grand day. When the masses drink, I join. Who am I to question this sweet ritual?
I do not relish being out and about during the holidays. The bar is crowded. The garden variety alcoholic is more apt to throw hands, and why the hell not, it’s a special occasion. Every girl seems to have a boyfriend, and the couples are so damn happy. Bastards. I see bizarre styles, and wonder in vain if I could pull off those funky 2009 shades. No way in hell, I realize, no way in hell. And there’s always this lonely former Army lieutenant named Dan, sitting by himself in a wheelchair, covered in confetti and staring straight ahead, perhaps still lost in the jungle… Maybe he’d feel better if he were wearing a top hat.
It was just past 11:10 PM EST last night when I was watching Sportscenter, resting after four days and five games of hell (I am a Yankees fan, but those four days were still hell regardless). Given the opportunity, I was tempted not to even stay up for the eleven o’clock Sportscenter, but just listening to Tony Kornheiser was enough to keep me awake longer than expected. And it’s a good thing I did because I have a message I’d like to send to Toronto Blue Jays Manager John Gibbons: I love you big man.