Category: Florida Marlins

Alex Rodriguez is by far the best player available this off-season and there’s four or five very rich GM’s drooling all over him already. But according to his super-agent Scott Boras, A-Rod is expecting a contract in the neighborhood of 10 years for $350 million. More recent reports indicate that A-Rod would sign for $275 million, a “bargain” for the best player in baseball.

While it would be foolish to deny that Rodriguez is the most talented, most valuable player on the market, he may not be the best option. While there are other third basemen available like World Series MVP Mike Lowell, Hank Blalock and Wilson Betemit, only one compares remotely to A-Rod. And only one may in fact be a better pick-up for a team than A-Rod. For teams going after the soon to be A.L. MVP, consider the younger, cheaper, uber-talented Miguel Cabrera of the Florida Marlins.

Are you wondering who the hell the Marlins are?

Are you shocked they’ve become the living embodiment of “Major League?”

[Brian Moehler= Eddie Harris]

 Are you questioning the validity of their surge? [Big mistake buddy, big mistake]

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 Back in Winter, my friend and I couldn’t stop laughing at the Marlins’ team website. On the top of the page, where there had previously been a bevy of All Stars, now stood a barren collection of Palm Trees, blowing aimlessly in the figurative wind of cyberspace. Hilarious.

 Well, who’s laughing now?

Here are the top five things to know about South Florida:

1. Don’t go outside when a hurricane comes rolling through!

2. South Beach really is the place to be.
3. Old people, people sixty-five and older (no offense), should not have a driver’s license.
4. The education here sucks.
5. The fans here are, for the most part, all bandwagon fans.

For all those who live in South Florida, these five things are no brainers. These people are probably saying something like, “We already know this. So what.”

To this I say: Fine. You probably did know this. But here is the thing. You may know these simple and obvious things about South Florida, but do you know what ‘the best kept secret’ in South Florida is?

When asked how he chose his franchise name, former Florida Marlins owner Wayne Huizenga, an avid deep-sea fisher, explained, “I choose Marlin because the fish is a fierce fighter and an adversary that tests your mettle.” After gutting $41 million out of a $60 million payroll, current Marlins ownership announced a 30.7 percent price hike on tickets. Originally, Huizenga’s chosen metaphor may have been aimed at player performance, but with Florida fans moaning, the mettle being tested is in the stands, not on the field.

For those sober enough to remember the aftermath of the 1997 World Championship the Florida Marlins bought from Major League Baseball, these past couple of days must seem like déjà vu. But they should only wish that this were just déjà vu.

The Florida Marlins have begun a purge similar in quantity to that of Josip Stalin during the 1930s. Already gone are Mike Lowell and Josh Beckett, traded to Boston. Now the Marlins paid the Mets to take Carlos Delgado, although they got superstar rookie Mike Jacobs in return. Plus A.J. Burnett, Brian Moehler, the entire bullpen, Juan Encarnacion, Jeff Conine, and Alex Gonzalez are all on the free agent market.

Some people know how to do their jobs.

In fact, I’ll go out on a limb and say that a good majority of Americans (and Canadians) have enough knowledge to survive the average day at work without causing a Homer Simpsonesque explosion.