Fantasy College Football

So, I got word yesterday from the NCAA that for a season, I was God. I, as commissioner for one week in the 2007 college football year, could match up the teams I wanted and they weren’t allowed to complain.
After I sent Notre Dame to Texas, I then stopped to think what might happen if I put SEC and Big Ten teams together. One thing’s for certain: must-see TV. Well, unless you hate SEC and Big Ten football….    

OHIO STATE VS AUBURN

2006 National Champion goes into the deafening Jordan-Haire Stadium for Saturday night football. Seas of orange and blue, interrupted only by 2,000 scarlet-shirted people, cheer as they see the War Eagle swoop. This is the biggest college football game on earth. SEC speed vs Big Ten power all over the field, and everybody’s going crazy. Ohio State have the defense to shut down any running game, but expect Auburn’s wide receivers and tight ends to make plays.
Greatest moment of the day comes when the kid dotting the `i’ gets crapped on by Auburn’s War Eagle, much to the joy of the AU faithful.

TENNESSEE VS MICHIGAN

Both resurgent programs go head-to-head with each other for the first clash since they got together on New Year’s Day, 2001. We love it. Both have speed. Both have talent all over the field. Tennessee has a knack of playing to their level- and Michigan are just that. Philip Fulmer personally thanks me that they don’t have to go on the road to Indiana. “We’d struggle against them,” he says, citing UT’s lousy performance against Air Force in 2006. I look for Lloyd Carr, but he’s chatting to the referees, making sure he gets the last minute calls.

FLORIDA VS PENN STATE

“The commissioner’s a Penn State fan,” moans Urban Meyer, as he realises that a night game in front of 110,000 drunken balls of rage might not be as fun as first advertised. But this one of the games of the year. Florida- like all Florida teams, have speed everywhere. Penn State has some of the quickest wide receivers in the country, and are praying that Antony Morelli won’t throw 35 yards behind them, as he did at the start of the year. Gators’ QB Tim Tebow, having taken over from Chris Leak, who went to the Detroit Lions in the third round of the 2007 draft, says he can’t wait to run out of the pocket again. Funny, because we heard Penn State OLB Dan Connor telling us how he was looking forward to Tebow doing that, too.

WISCONSIN VS GEORGIA

The traditional argument with Wisconsin is that they don’t travel well. With Tony Davis gone, Wisconsin’s monster O-Line try to get their house in order against a Georgia defence praying that they don’t repeat their 51 point bashing against Tennessee in 2006. Wisconsin’s defense is pretty darned good, so we think that this’ll go down to the wire.

LSU VS IOWA

LSU’s mobile QB Jamarcus Russell is coming off a pretty wonderful 2006, but how will he cope in Kinnick Stadium against the sea of black and gold? Since the untimely demise of their season at Indiana,  Kirk Ferentz & Co. recovered to be bowl-eligible. How will they do now that Drew Tate’s left? We think Jake Christensen, who’s been touted as the new Chad Henne, might be the answer to Iowa’s problems. Like most SEC defenses, LSU have got speed in abundance, and really should have beaten Auburn in 2006. Will 2007 be any difference? Just watch.

ALABAMA VS INDIANA

Before you call your bookie and say “‘Bama by 50”, consider the Hoosiers for a minute. In 2006 the Big Ten’s perennial doormat beat Iowa and Michigan State, and keeps things interesting against Ohio State (until the half, anyway). Alabama’s defense isn’t that vaunted anymore, but Kellen Lewis’ arm is certainly getting attention. Speaking of arm, John Parker Wilson had a great 2006 and he’s grown in maturity. It’s only a pity that none of his fans have. Mark my words- this’ll be closer than a lot you SEC folks might give it credit for. And if that happens, I’m going to look like a great commissioner.

MICHIGAN STATE VS ARKANSAS

I think the old folk line goes: “when he was good he was very, very good and when he was bad he was rubbish.” Same applies to Michigan State. They were pretty good against Michigan, fell apart in the fourth quarter against Notre Dame, and then collapsed for the rest of the year. So what will happen here? We think the Hogs’ running backs Darren McFadden and Felix Jones are downright filthy will run over an abject MSU defence. This could get ugly.

SOUTH CAROLINA VS PURDUE

For a team that rarely seems to travel north of the Mason-Dixie line, South Carolina’s trip to Purdue will be stooped in danger. With Curtis Painter looking more and more solid through 2006, don’t be surprised if there’s a massive upset at Ross-Ade Stadium. We’d like to think that Gamecocks’ wide receiver Sidney Rice will continue to boost his credentials as a potential first round pick in this game, but with Purdue improving year on year, this could be one of the biggest upsets of 2007.

ILLINOIS VS VANDERBILT

Er, I don’t know how you sell this one. Illinois frightened the life out of Penn State and Wisconsin last year, and if Juice Williams can throw to his wide receivers more often than he did last year, you never know what Ron Zook could do. Vanderbilt, who beat Georgia last year in one of the upsets of the season, will be favourites for this one…but I’m not going to battling people down the road to Nashville to get a ticket to this one.

NORTHWESTERN VS OLE MISS

First of all, this game’s going to be on Thursday night. Why, you say? Well, as Commissioner of the NCAA this week I want to go and party at The Grove at Ole Miss for Thursday night football. Of course, that’ll mean that I’m at the Grove pretty darned early, because this game’s going to be so bad I’ll need to be full of bourbon walking into the stadium. Northwestern by a touchdown.

MISSISSIPPI STATE VS MINNESOTA

Again, not a game that exactly sells itself. Both teams were pretty horrible during 2006, but maybe Sylvester Croom’s coaching and Minnesota’s need to get a victory against someone above a I-AA team might push things forward. Minnesota still miss having a back like Laurence Moroney that smash his way through defenses like he did in 2005, but Amir Pinnix could do the job against an MSU defense eager to prove that they aren’t whipping boys.

We’ve left out Kentucky (sadly), because they play basketball. No! The Commissioner was kidding to all you UK football fans! I’m sorry! We just didn’t have another Big Ten opponent to match them up with!