A Sports Medley…….Part Deux

by Trevor Freeman

Upon reading our esteemed editor’s “Friday Free for All” and seeing that he was trying to wrest the title of “Most Random Writer” back from me, I knew action had to be taken.  Like Maurice Clarett, I decided to bring four guns and a hatchet to this battle.  And while I didn’t imbibe half a bottle of Grey Goose before writing there surely is some liquid grain still flowing through these veins. Without further ado, here is a medley of thoughts kicking around my extremely hungover brain this afternoon.      

20.  I haven’t seen somebody take it as hard as the Red Sox took it from the Yankees since Isabella Soprano in the season opener of “Cathouse”.
19.  You gotta wonder if Coach K is going soft in his old age.  The Coach K I know would have not only played Dwyane Wade against Senegal……….he would have played him for 38 minutes and made sure the score was 133-58 instead of 103-58.
18.  ……….it was already established that Coach K is the sensei from “The Karate Kid”, just because it is so easy to picture him yelling “Mercy is for the weak, we do not train to be merciful at Cameron Indoor”.  After a long barroom debate, we decided that Christian Laettner is “Johnny” and Bobby Hurley is “Dutch”.  J.J. Redick wins the title of “Bobby” as there is no person you can better picture yelling, “Yeah! Get him a body bag!”
17.  There’s nothing better than watching A’s fans (myself included) change our position from “when is Rich Harden coming back” to “no need to rush Harden back…two starts before the playoffs is fine”.
16.  I just completed my first live fantasy draft.  In a ten-team league I walked away with Tom Brady, “Cadillac” Williams, Reggie Bush, Larry Fitzgerald, Randy Moss, Andre Johnson, Ben Roethlisberger, Frank Gore, Vernon Davis and the Carolina Defense.  In other words…….please make the check out to Trevor Freeman.  (that last sentence was just a phrase…….I’m not playing for money……gambling is illegal in America…..ummm….)  
15.  In a lot of ways, “Flavor of Love” is like Vincent Van Gogh’s art.  The greatness just can’t be appreciated immediately.  Years from now we’ll look back on “Somethin” dropping a deuce on Flavor Flav’s floor as one of the great moments in the history of television.
14.  So I guess it’s official………Drew Henson is the first person to suck at two professional sports.  
13.  I think the team the New York Mets should be most scared of is the Cincinnati Reds.  Lots of professional hitters in that lineup.  If their name was the New York/Boston Reds perhaps ESPN would spend more time reflecting on that.  Speaking of the Reds……….nothing makes me happier than seeing Scott Hatteberg bat .315 right now.  Class act.  
12.  I read Coach K forbid the U.S. hoops team from bringing their wives.  No word was released on whether they were allowed to bring their girlfriends.    
11.  My buddy Ross brought up a great question that is worthy of debate.  Which U.S. swimmer was better looking in her prime?  Amanda Beard or Summer Sanders.  These are the kinds of debates you have when $157 has already been left on under the tap at McCann’s.
10.  “It’s the best time you’ll have at the movies all summer, if not all year.”-Christy Lemire, Associated Press in regards to “Snakes on a Plane”……..I haven’t heard a comment that rich since my old roommate hooked up with the 200 pound third baseman on the women’s softball team and uttered “for all of her flaws, I had an outstanding time” the morning after.
9.  The New York Yankees are not as good as they looked against Boston and not as bad as they looked against Seattle.  They are better than average……….not great.  
8.  There’s nothing more fun than standing up and announcing that with your 18th and final Fantasy pick you are taking the 49er defense.  Everybody appreciates a shameless homer.
7.  I’m going to nominate Janelle from “Big Brother 7” again for Women We Love and quite frankly I’m begging for more support this month.  If you have to google “Janelle”, “Big Brother” and “naked” to be convinced then please do so.  
6.  Has there ever been a more important preseason game than Monday night’s Cincinnati Bengals game?  Every person who owns Carson Palmer in fantasy league will be watching with their fingers crossed.
5.  If I ran the Kansas City Royals, I would immediately institute $1 beer night.    
4.  I’ll be honest.  I’m hoping Andre Agassi makes a Jimmy Connors-like run in the U.S. Open.  It would be cool if he was relevant for one last weekend.  
3.  Bonus points to me for bringing up both tennis and swimming in the same article.  That has to be a first for Sportscolumn.
2.  Kudos to Skip Bayless and Ray Ratto for all the articles they have written on espn.com about Frank Thomas.  It’s nice to see the Bay Area’s two representatives are trying as hard as possible to give his Comeback Player of the Year campaign a push.  A$$holes.  You may not like Mike Lupica but at least he has the guts to pimp his hometown team every chance he gets (he reached “completely shameless” years ago on “The Sports Reporters”).  
1.  Nothing makes me happier than seeing Jerry Rice hold up a 49er uniform for his retirement ceremony.  I always thought the practice was cheesy until I saw Jerry Rice holding up the #80 one last time.  Terrell Owens…………..you’ll never even be considered a poor man’s version of the greatest Wide Receiver to ever play the game of football.

If you have any questions or comments feel free to e-mail me at [email protected].