So Sports and Politics shouldn’t mix. Well really, they do. And we have a quick word for Politicians too.“Sports and Politics shouldn’t mix,” my Boston Red Sox-loving friend Paul reminded me, sipping a beer while watching the latest of Keith Foulke’s meltdowns in a local hostelry.
“I’m sorry, Paul,” I answered, “You were right about the Red Sox coming back to win the ALCS last year, and you were right about getting tickets to see Messier go second on the all-time scoring list at the Garden. And you were right that your Celtics would collapse against the Pacers in the play-offs. But this time you’re wrong.”
“Name me one that doesn’t.”
“Name me one that doesn’t. The politicians have their fingers in everything.You’re a baseball fan, right,” I said. Paul nodded, as if to answer. Much to his grateful liver, the barman thought Paul was answering him too, and gave him his eighth Sam Adams of the night. “So how in the hell are all these Cuban baseball players coming across on rafts if there’s no politics involved? Fidel’s one of baseball’s most famous international fans,” I said. “But I don’t think he’s getting invited to the MLB World Cup, do you?”
“And the Steroidgate stuff earlier this year…”
“Selig only showed some balls with those tougher sanctions against cheating baseball players, after the Senate tried to get involved. Remember Sosa’s testimony?”
“How could I forget? His inability to speak the English language that day was miraculous.”
And then we went international. It might be early World Cup fever, but suddenly we were onto soccer, possibly the most politically-mixed games alive.
“Look at your Irish-Scottish brothers in Glasgow. Glasgow Celtic and Glasgow Rangers play each other around five times a year, and every game there’s hundreds of people arrested, and hundreds more who wage wars on the street against each other. That’s ALL about soccer? Rangers think Celtic fans are IRA-loving, Catholic P.O.Ses and Celtic fans think their `blue-nosed’ counterparts are “English loving wankers.”
“On the subject of football, did you hear about Iraq’s soccer team. If they lost, Saddam Hussein’s son, Uday, would have them tortured. Brings a whole new meaning to the word ‘win’, doesn’t it?” And then there was the Columbian soccer player who got shot after he scored an own-goal in the 1994 World Cup to gift the USA a 2-1 win.”
“He got shot because he was `in’ with the drug cartels, Alex.”
“In Columbia, drugs and politics are one and the same. We Americans should know- I’ve seen a photo of Reagan shaking hands with the most famous cartel leaders of them all, Pablo Escobor. Who in the hell did the Prez think Escobar was? A Columbian coffee-maker?”
“OK buddy, I see your point,” he says, “but why are we having this conversation?”
“Can you think of anywhere where the ground’s too hard and there’s no water to drink, let alone water the grass? And if you do drink water, you’ll probably die of diarrhea?”
“Or where your son’s soccer coach (if you’re lucky enough to have one), has probably got AIDS, or if he hasn’t, he’s one of the lucky 30% in the country who doesn’t?”
“No.”
“Africa. It’s that land which is so diseased by corruption, Al Capone would look like Jesus H. Christ. It’s a land where the only steroids they are praying for are the type that stop the AIDS virus. Performance-enhancing? How about life-giving?? Their soccer balls aren’t made by Nike, that’s for sure.”
“Oh, that was the one with the big concert in Philly, wasn’t it?”
“That’s the one. Brad Pitt, Bill Gates and a bunch of Hollywood superstars put their voices behind it,” Paul said, suddenly realising that downing eight Samuel Adams wasn’t the best use of money he’d ever had.
“One’s the word, man. Go and sign up a letter to George Bush, the most powerful man in the world on www.one.org and ask him to Make Poverty History at the G8 Summit in the UK on Wednesday July 6th. They’re campaigning for the cancellation of African debt, aid of $50bn a year to the continent, and trade justice. Oh, and carbon emissions. But as George Bush (who, to keep `in sports’, was the owner of the Texas Rangers) would rather let the world rot in Hell rather than get people to do something about the environment, there is as much hope of him signing the carbon emissions treaty as the Tampa Bay Devil Rays have of making it to the post-season.”
“So what’s this got to do with sports?”
“You should see what happens if the Africans get enough aid to start buildings sports facilities. Ouch.”