A Hex on Peyton’s House

With an easy 31-17 win over the Houston Texans last Sunday, the Indianapolis Colts improved to 9-0, moving them past the halfway point of their journey to an undefeated season and a permanent place in the record books. Looking at the Colts’ upcoming schedule and admiring the team’s stocked offense and mean defense, I don’t envision anyone stopping the Colts on their way to a 16-0 record.Personally, I don’t want the Colts to break the Miami Dolphins 33-year record, so I’m being the Grinch who stole History from Peyton Manning and Tony Dungy by jinxing their season. I feel like jinxes, hexes, curses and evil deeds of this kind are popular these days: the last two World Series winners broke curses and won over the nation, Sports Illustrated has their very own cover jinx, and the wildly popular Madden videogame franchise makes their cover boys cringe with their curse. Now it is time for the Guardian to perform a hex of its own on the Indianapolis Colts by explaining exactly how the Colts will overcome their remaining challenges and predicting a perfect season after nine games.
    The Colts have seven games left on their schedule; however, only five of them have winning records and only three of the teams — the Cincinnati Bengals, the Pittsburgh Steelers and the San Diego Chargers — pose a semi-legitimate threat to the Colts’ dream team.
    The Bengals, holding a 7-2 record thanks to a surprising defense and the emergence of a mature quarterback in Carson Palmer to go along with a playmaking wide receiver in Chad Johnson, will get the chance to break the streak this Sunday when they host the Colts. Many see the Bengals as the team that can prevent the Colts from making history, however, Dungy has too many weapons on offense and defense to give any team a chance. The Bengal defense has held three teams to under ten points this year; however, they have not faced a team with Manning, Harrison and Edgerrin James. Manning is too smart and too talented and has too many top receivers (Harrison, Reggie Wayne and Brandon Stokley) not to exploit the Bengal defense for at least three passing TDs. Throw in another 100-yard game for James and the Colts offense should post at least 30 points on the scoreboard. On the other side of the ball, Dwight Freeney will destroy the Bengals’ offensive line and force Palmer into rushed throws to Johnson. Although the Bengals’ offense has had success against some of the mediocre teams around the NFL, the Colt defense has improved since 2004 and even including a bomb to Johnson and a solid game from the Bengals’ other Johnson — Rudi — the Indy’s D should be able to keep the Cincy offense under wraps for four quarters.
    From Cincinnati, Dungy will lead his team home to take on the Steel Curtain on Monday Night Football in the Colts biggest test all year. Pittsburgh’s notoriously stingy defense has the best chance at slowing, not stopping, Manning and the Colts; however, they still don’t have a good enough squad to hand Indy their first loss. The Steelers’ starting QB, Big Ben Roethlisberger, is questionable for Pittsburgh’s game against the Ravens this Sunday, so who knows how healthy he’ll be when he faces the Colts? If Charlie Batch or Tommy Maddox starts versus the Colts, the Steelers have no chance; if Roethlisbeger is healthy enough to play, the Steelers will have a hope and a prayer, but probably not a win at the end of the night.
Still perfect after week 11, the Colts will rout the 2-7 Tennessee Titans before traveling to Jacksonville for an easy win in an AFC South Division rivalry game. Then comes the last real test: the San Diego Chargers. Although this may be a little bit of my hometown San Diego bias, I think the Chargers have an offense capable of going point-for-point with the Colt offense. LaDainian Tomlinson is the most exciting player in the NFL and with Drew Brees and Antonio Gates on a roll, the Chargers have the same multi-dimensional offensive that the Colts thrive on. However, defensively, the Bolts are lacking the same toughness as Indy’s D and this will eventually cost them the game. Plus, even if they take the lead, the Chargers have proven they can’t keep one as they’ve lost a couple of fourth-quarter advantages so far this season.
After beating the Chargers, the Colts will be two wins from perfection. The two wins will come over the Seattle Seahawks in week 15 and the Arizona Cardinals on New Year’s Day. Although the Seahawks possess a decent record, they have only beat two teams with winning records and pose no threat to the high-flying Colts. As for the Cardinals, their flaws are so numerous that I shouldn’t even have to describe the many ways the Colts can exploit Arizona’s holes to win.
That is my assessment of the Colts’ chances at a perfect season. I believe they can and will make history, but hopefully this article will prevent it from happening thanks to the Guardian jinx. If all goes according to plan, the Colts will cruise to a 15-0 start before Kurt Warner throws for 370 yards and 4 TDs and shocks the world by leading the Cardinals to a freak victory over Manning and the Colts. However, an Arizona victory is more unlikely than John Rocker joining the NAACP, so it’s up to a student-newspaper curse to bring down the best team the NFL has seen in 33 years.