The Casual Fan’s Guide To Sox/Yanks

With yet another epic series between the Yankees and Red Sox looming, it seems to be all anyone is interested in the sport world. We all know these two powerhouses well enough to expect, tense, close baseball games, so needless to say that is the predominant interest for most people as they sit on their couches with remote in hand. However, as a die-hard Met fan, the score is really the last thing I’m interested in. It has already become sickening to hear Yankee fans on the subways, in the office, and just about everywhere else I roam in New York. However, Boston fans never prove to be less obnoxious. With that in mind, I’ve come up the casual fan’s perspective of things I want to see (and don’t want to see) as we brace ourselves for another series that will undoubtedly offer nothing to settle this infinite rivalry.

Things I’m expecting/hoping to see

1. A Sizeable Brawl- This is almost too predictable to the list. It has gotten to the point where every series and nearly every game- there will undoubtedly be some sort of scuffle, whether on the field, in the stands, or in the bar. No matter what these two teams tell you, they have played into this fan-based rivalry, and it has filtered unto the field. Yankee and Red Sox fans will never like each other, that’s a given. But we now see player’s throwing coaches to the ground, Relievers fighting with hecklers in the stands; It seems like any big series the Yankees are in, inevitably there are at least some choice words (Anyone remember Clemens V. Piazza?). With the implications of this game and fan nonsense (and Randy Johnson, who looks like the angriest man in the world) on the mound, expect to see some tempers flare. However this time, let’s root for it. Let’s not break it up, not suspend anyone. Let’s let things play out. Remember that lesson we learned about facing your enemy head on as a way to mediate? I say ring the bell and let them trade blows. I mean, it works in Hockey (at least for a couple of minutes). In fact, I say we take it a step further; let the bat boys settle it. And give them bats. Then we’ll see whose city is really toughest.
2. A Controversial Call- Another easy one to predict, yet I’m expecting it. No doubt it will come in a close game at a critical time. We saw it with A-Rod last year at Fenway, looking like he just got caught with pants down; We saw it with Mark Bellhorn’s ball clearly bouncing off the foul pole, even though Yankee fans in the vicinity swear it never happened. Will we see a fan reach over the fence and assist a home run ball, a la Jeffrey Mayer vs. Orioles?  Or maybe an obscure trick play pulled off, perhaps. The best part about these plays is that it always seems to be some unprecedented chain of events- we aren’t talking a simple infield fly rule call. And then comes my favorite sequence- Unsure umpire makes late call, fans boo, Player gets in blue’s face, manager races out to protect, and then defend player, umpire gives that “oh crap,” look to the other umpires, who then look at each other and go into “the huddle,” where I’m guessing they hope to God that someone else either A) Is sure what happened or B) Knows the rulebook better than they do. All while we see 15 replays coupled with the announcers constantly flip-flopping their take on the play. Nothing beats it.
3. The clutch, Jeter play- No, I’m not a fan, and Yes, he is clutch with his bat as well, but we always remember Jeter in these big games for some unbelievable play; not because he is the most talented defensive player we’ve ever seen (A-Rod is better, for one) but because he is so cool under pressure and has such a high baseball IQ that he can make a seemingly genius split second decision- and on top of that, make it look smooth. It’s incredible. The guy even makes diving over the railing or a simple flip to the catcher look cool. He is the definition of a gamer. Rest assured he will make a play you will be talking about for years.
4. Pitch to Papi- This may not happen, unfortunately. But I really hope it does. It is inconceivable how clutch Ortiz is. He was the most clutch player in the league last year. This year- he has been more clutch then Jordan- I thought the baseball rule was that even when you are scorching at the plate, you still fail seven out of ten times. Then why does it seem like whenever the Sox are down late and Ortiz is up, the ball is out the park- automatic. If you are me and don’t care about who wins, you will root for this match-up. Against Mariano, or Flash Gordon, or Randy Johnson, whomever. Just please, please don’t intentionally walk him. I want to see how long this superhuman streak will last. I don’t care how colorful Manny is. We want to see Papi Walking him is baseball’s equivalent of taking a knee (which might I add is crime in Madden). Mr. Torre, please pitch to him. He is the most likeable arrogant slugger ever to play the game.
5. A No Hitter- It’s the one thing we haven’t seen in this saga. We almost got it with Mike Mussina, but Carl Everett, of all people, saved the face of the entire Red Sox organization with a blooper to left. This series needs it, and you know why? Because there is nothing more to talk about without beating a dead horse. We get it, guys. Sox hate Yankees, Yankees hate Sox. It’s time for some new material. Oh man, I’d love a perfect game. It would give us sane people a reason to fight that urge to doze off at midnight.

 6. Extra Innings/A one game playoff- I can’t explain it, but the Yankees-Red Sox rivalry has this interesting phenomenon attached to it. Baseball is the one sport where fans inevitably grow restless, rooting for the game to speed up or end so they can move on with their lives. At some point in every game, the sport seems to slow to a standstill, and that’s the time where everyone who isn’t a devoted fan of the team playing has to get up for a breather, or risk going insane. The Yankees-Red Sox game is the one rivalry that is a consistent exception to the golden rule of boredom. The game somehow seems to go faster, and even better still, we root for it to never end. Even last year, while I was stuck watching the game from a library computer in England at Five-Thirty in the morning, I couldn’t leave. Well, I hope the Sox win this series, so we can have that extra game. I hope we have a game go into twenty innings. Don’t ask me to explain it, but I love to watch the rollercoaster of emotions of the fans of these two cities- I just can’ t get enough.

        Things I don’t want to see

1.References to the Curse- For the last time, the curse is over. Or it never existed. Whichever makes you feel better. I just don’t want to hear the play-by-play men mention it anymore. When someone defeats the “curse”, it means one of two things. 1) It never existed, or 2) It’s no longer the case. Because they won, you get it? If nothing else, it’s common knowledge that you can’t kill something again. Stop digging for stories. The Babe has found better things to focus on these days, and you should too.

2.    Overdramatic Pregame- Thanks folks in the sports broadcasting business, but we know the ramifications of the game, and playing cheesy music while the trophy revolves around slowly in the background doesn’t make things more dramatic (this applies to the postseason too). There is nothing more to say that hasn’t been said for weeks. Unless it features Costas in one of his glorious Olympic-like heroic pre-games, it’s annoying. It’s a baseball game. Not a movie. Get over yourselves.

3.No more celebrity shots- At any point of the game, no matter who they are or what baseball paraphanalia they are draped in. I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to see Jennifer Garner with her Sox hat huddled next to Ben Affleck- I don’t want to see Rudy Giuliani next to Steinbrenner behind the dugout, and most of all, I don’t want to hear announcers talking about how big a fan these people are of their teams. If they were really big fans, they would sit in the nosebleeds, or give up their cushy seats to someone who can’t afford it. For these kinds of games, they should have to line up for tickets overnight like everyone else. I don’t care how famous they are. It’s not about them, it’s about the team they like, you know, the one who they have no affiliation to whatsoever. As mentioned before, enough with the Hollywood. I can’t think of anything more nauseating than Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon. jumping up and down on the field after the Sox won it all last year. I don’t think I’m alone here. And they wonder why Fever Pitch bombed.

4.Manny being Manny- I can expect it, but I don’t want to see Manny make an embarrassing play in the Outfield. As ugly as he makes it look, Ramirez makes most defensive plays, but looks really bad when he messes up. I mean Little League bad. It makes me wonder why I’m not out there, and how this guy rose through these levels without learning how to catch. Love the baggy Uniform, love the swing. Let’s just hope they don’t hit the ball his way. It takes away from my love for the game. (Also on this list are Johnny Damon’s and Bernie William’s throwing arms).

That’s about all I have to rant about. With this seemingly never ending rivalry, it’s difficult to come up with more things to get excited about. I hope this small list gives the casual fan a reason to watch the games, because if you are from New York or Boston, you are sick of hearing about it otherwise.