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Philadelphia Eagles

T.O. – Be Our Savior!

(originally posted January 22, 2004)

If football were like Pretty Woman, well, then we all have lots of problems.  But I can’t help but imagine Terrell Owens walking into the city of Philadelphia to talk to the fans.

Terrell Owens: “We’re gonna need a few more people cheering for us. I’ll tell you why. We are gonna be bringing an obscene amount of talent and productivity in here. So we’re gonna need a lot more help sucking up to us, ’cause that’s what we really like, you understand.”

Eagles Fans: “Oh, sir, if I may say so, you’re in the right city, and at the right time, for that matter.”

EF: “Excuse me sir?”

TO: “Uh, yeah?”

EF: “Exactly how obscene an amount of productivity were you talking about, just profane, or really offensive?”

TO: “Really offensive.”

EF: “We like him so much.”

—–

TO: “I think we need some major sucking up.”

EF: “Very well, Sir. You’re not only handsome but a powerful man. I could see the second you walked in here you were someone to reckon with.”

—–

Save us, TO!

We’re begging you.  How many years of NFCC game failures can we take?  How many times can we trot out the same terrible receivers and be content that they are “working their tails off” even if they couldn’t catch gonnorhea in a bangkok brothel?  I have been to the mountain top and the burning bush (ummm unrelated to the gonnorhea comment above) has said “Bring in TO and he will deliver you to the Promise Land”.

Look, I’ve heard about all the arguments against you.  You’re a headcase.  You undressed your offensive coordinator during a game in San Francisco.  (Wait, maybe that was the wrong choice of words.) You made your QB cry.  You are all about Me Me Me. Well we have an athlete in Philly that was once dubbed “Me, Myself and Iverson”, but we know he’s not about that, he is about winning.  We love him. We will love you too.  

We here in Philadelphia know you have a lot of choices as you approach Free Agency.  But we also know that we’re $20M under the cap.  $20M!  Where else are you going to go for that money?  Atlanta?  They just gave Price a ton of dough.  They’re not going to offer you what you deserve.  McNabb can do that Nike Gridiron play almost as good as Vick.  And you’d be the number one target.

Plus, the love TO.  The Love!  You deliver us a Super Bowl like I know you will and you will have all of Philly at your feet.  You can run for mayor if you’d like and you’d win in a landslide!  Come to Philly, TO.  Come to Philly for the money and the Ring!

Finally, this was in 20 degree weather.  Now that’s dedication to winning!:

By Vin

Vin is a Philly boy who shouldn't be invited into your house because he'll judge you on your book and music collection. He owns Dawkins, Utley, Iverson, and Lindros jerseys, which is all you really need to know about him. He can be reached at [email protected].

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