I’m a Flyers fan- So I’m allowed to bash them.

I am allowed to bash the Flyers. I am allowed to bash the Flyers because I am a Flyers fan and that is what we are brought up to do. If the team wins 2-1, we bash them for not shutting out the other team. If they win a playoff series 4-1, we fume because we feel that sweeping a team is the only way to show superiority. A player can score five goals one game, but screw up the next, and suddenly he is the most hated man in the City of Brotherly Love. With all this said, I am going to bash the Flyers and I’m going to do it well. Why? Because this is what I’ve been brought up to do.Yesterday I sat in front of my television and watched what appeared to be the Philadelphia Flyers versus the New York Rangers. However, I determined after two periods of play that the Flyers did not show up for the game and that the players skating around like chickens with their heads cut off, were actually imposters.

I don’t understand why the Flyers like to dig themselves holes. It’s as if they thought to themselves, as they watched in awe as Jaromir Jagr skated by, that they could totally come back from a 5-1 deficit heading into the third period. (“The NHL has new scoring rules, we’re guaranteed to score! “We have the MVP of the Olympics in net! Even though we turn the puck over more than the Mites on Ice, he’ll save our rear!  “We have the best player in the World skating around on his hung over Swedish legs! He’s BOUND to carry us by scoring six goals!”). To no one’s surprise, the only thing the Flyers managed to do was increase Jagr’s goal totals, improve Kevin Weekes self-esteem, and make Kasparaitis crawl into the fetal position on the ice as Donald Brashear tried punching him in the head.

I’m not saying I don’t think they’ve done a good job this year in regards to all the injuries they have endured. I know they have. But they obviously are not doing a good job battling back now. With that said, I have made a short list of what is bothering me about the Flyers right now.

1.    Peter Forsberg staying in Sweden to party with his gold medal- It’s bad enough the man went over with his groin falling off, but to stay and party it up and expect to be able to play two games in a row when he returns is ridiculous. We don’t care if he had one assist in the game against the Devils. Why don’t we care? Because we’re Philly fans and if that assist is not on the game-winning goal, then we could give two flying hoots.
2.    Randy Jones- Who is this kid and why are we paying him to turn the puck over and take hooking penalties every game?  That “assist” he had on the Rags’ fifth goal was a beauty. NEWSFLASH RANDY- you don’t get points for assisting on the other team’s goals.
3.    Keith Primeau is not dead. The Philadelphia media and the team itself are both acting as if Primeau is six feet under. The man is out for the season, this we have known forever. The tributes to his career, the sad comments from the players, and the constant camera shots of him during the games are putting a real damper on an already crappy situation. Losing him is a bad thing, obviously, but the Flyers need to realize that it is the beginning of March and Stanley Cup Contenders don’t lose to the Rangers 6-1.
4.    Donald Brashear- What on GOD’S GREEN EARTH is Donald Brashear’s purpose besides taking really bad penalties at the worst times possible? Can someone please answer that for me? The man doesn’t fight and doesn’t score and had THIRTY-FIVE PENALTY MINUTES in one game. Why? Why?!
5.    Groin Injuries are my nemesis. If one more player on our team gets a groin injury I don’t know what I’m going to do. I think the Flyers need to come up with some creative injuries to sort of break the monotony: “Peter Forsberg is out with a large contusion on his epidermis.” “Simon Gagne has been hampered by the unusually windy weather that has resulted in his hair not performing at its best. Therefore he will be out 2-3 weeks.”

Now that I have vented, let’s see how well the Flyers do the rest of the weekend and who Bob Clarke trades because everyone reading this right now knows that he’s going to do something, because the man always does something this time of year. My only hope is that we don’t have another Adam Oates incident. That is what I like to call a “Rent-A-Player gone wrong.”

Till next time my friends–“Everyday is a great day for hockey, not groin injuries!”