Back in August, I started the Friday Free For All to get back into writing feature length columns, but like smart Charlie Manuel managerial moves, they were few and far between. But I’m ready to make a comeback. (Yes, folks, you are witnessing the most unasked for comeback since Winger released Headed for a Heartbreak.) So here it is, the first Friday Free for All of 2007, equal parts sports, angst, and anti-starfucking.
1. First up, the excrement that is the 2007 Phillies. This whole offseason was like the baseball version of lining up for Star Wars The Phantom Menace (I have no excuse). I came into this season with so many expectations and this is the garbage I’m subjected to. It’s like God is playing a very cruel joke on us. The entire team can’t hit with runners in scoring position. Ryan Howard is struggling and has a knee injury. The manager can’t figure out when to make a double switch. (The only good thing Manuel might have done this year is threaten to kick Howard Eskin’s ass.) Flash Gordon can’t save a tight game if his life depended on it. And on top of that, they have the absolute worst marketing campaign in the history of basbeall. Watch the Shimmy commercial – it’ll make you want to punch someone in the face. We Phillies fans are angry enough as it is, having us watch these shitty commercials in between yet another pitching change because our middle relievers couldn’t get a special olympics team out is just provoking the monkeys at the zoo. The Phillies better get up to .500 ball ASAP or CBP might be the most short-lived stadium in history.
2. While the Phillies can’t buy a win, the Sixers come all the way back from having the worst record in the league to… having the 11th worst record in the league. What does the 11th worst record in the league get you? Nothing. No playoffs, no Oden, no Durant. (Hmmm… this isn’t quite as catchy as No Roger, No Rerun, No Rent.) We can’t even catch a break and have the team we want to lose actually lose. While some fans will tell you that it’s better to win than lose, even if you don’t make the playoffs, what exactly is the point? We don’t want to tank games? The Celtics had absolutely no problem playing for the Oden/Durant sweepstakes. I was expecting to read the boxscores and see “Paul Pierce – DNP – tanking”. When you’re outfoxed by Danny Ainge and Doc Rivers, it’s time to make a trade with Isiah Thomas to makes yourself feel smarter.
3. Thank God the nightmare that is the Flyers is over. Maybe Pat Gillick looking across the way and seeing the Flyers organization is the only reason why Charlie Manuel still has a job.
4. How many Yankees fans are saying today, “A-Rod? I never really had that much of a problem with A-Rod. I always knew he was good.” And how many will rip him again when he goes through a slump later this season.
5. Am I being completely unreasonable for thinking Michael Vick is cheap for only donating $10k to the families of the victims of VT? On one hand, it’s $10k more than they had to begin with. On the other hand, Michael Vick made $23M last year. That’s like someone who makes $100,000 a year donating $43.48. Vick’s publicist might be even more incompetent than Terrell Owens’s. An “undisclosed donation” would have been better than “Michael Vick Donates Equivalent of $43.48 to the Families of VT victims.”
6. On the radio show this week, I went on a little rant about how the major news outlets were exploiting the Virginia Tech tragedy but the Scientology folks, on the other hand, are just shameless.
Why do people always feel the need to be in the spotlight after a tragedy like this and use it for their own personal gain? I thought the Nationals donning VT caps was pretty cool. It wasn’t like they were trying to sell more caps by putting a VT logo on their regular hats or anything — they were just showing a little support, like the random people wearing Orange and Maroon today. But get prepared for all the celebrities coming out of the woodwork to show their “support” of the school. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if Elton John re-records ‘Candle in the Wind’ as ‘Candles in the Wind’ and works in “hokies” into his lyrics. Fuck Elton John. You know it’s coming too. Someone will do a song and it will suck to high hell. It makes me ill just thinking about it. (You see what the Phillies losing does? It gets me all angry.)
7. Sorry folks, I’ll get off my soapbox now. I’ll leave you with this link to the video of David Stern fixing the 1985 NBA Draft.
2 replies on “Friday Free for All: Philly frustration”
Vick In Michael Vick’s defense he has to also support at least 7-8 posse members and probably a few groupies. After Uncle Sam takes his bite and they all take theres, Vick probably only has a couple million to play around with………and I’m sure his financial people/accountant probably hide that from him for his own good.
And… He has to pay for his “unidentified substance” that he carries in water bottles equipped with hidden compartments.
You are completely accurate in calling Vick cheap. He and and his brother have shown time and again to be real class acts- and I mean that in the most sarcastic way possible.