Miami Dolphins

Sink or Swim

   In week one of this NFL season, the Miami Dolphins took on the Washington Redskins in an interesting game that needed overtime to determine a winner. The Dolphins didn’t come out on top, obviously, but there was certainly hope for the near future. There was hope; please put emphasis on the word “was.”     Trent Green was under center to kick off the season. He was just through with his six year stint with the Kansas City Chiefs where he proved to be one of the most reliable and underrated quarterbacks in the league, with basically no studs to throw to besides Tony Gonzalez. Miami was the perfect place for Green to land; a team with a young running back, a nice core of receivers including Chris Chambers and Marty Booker, and a proven defense to back him up. Miami was the perfect place for Green; please put emphasis on the word “was.”

    After a heartbreaking week one defeat and a blowout loss to the Cowboys in week two, the Dolphins were sure to put their first W on the board when they took on the 0-2 New York Jets, with a quarterback in Chad Pennington that can almost throw farther than the winner of the eight year old punt, pass, and kick competition. In dramatic fashion, the Jets escaped with a victory by three. Now things were starting to look bad for the fish.

    A few weeks and zero wins later, Trent Green went down with a concussion that will cost him the rest of the season. But Dolphin fans didn’t fret because the savior would now prance onto the field, a savior by the name of Lemon. This rejuvenated Dolphins team rallied around undrafted Lemon as he led them to six more losses and another quarterback change. This is starting to get extremely repetitive.

    John Beck, the third quarterback of the season, took over last week against an Eagles’ defense that had already allowed the Bears’ offense to scamper 97 yards in a minute and a half to win the game, and a defensive unit that allowed James “Trash” Thrash to score not once, but twice, most likely doubling his career touchdowns. The odds were looking good for Beck to finally stop the suffering.

    Beck walked out of the locker room smiling, almost as if his team was remotely near the playoff hunt. He stepped on the field, barking out signals, pointing out matchups, walking with a swagger, just making us reflect on some of the greatest quarterbacks to ever play this game. And then we woke up. And we realized that Ellen DeGeneres can throw a better spiral than Beck. And we realized this may be the worst team we have ever witnessed play this game. Don’t you wish you had Brady Quinn right about now?

    But we can’t place all the blame on the quarterback. This defensive unit was supposed to be near the top of the league, but thanks to their dreadful offense who continues to put them in terrible situations, were going to let them off the hook. Let’s focus on the management. Letting Wes Welker go was the worst move a team like this could make in the off season. Wait a minute, they still have Chambers right? Nope, he is wearing lightning bolts now, maybe you can watch him in the playoffs sometime. Signing Joey Porter to the team, are you kidding me? The same Joey Porter that talks like he is Hulk Hogan and then performs like Brooke Hogan? The same Joey Porter that starts pre game fights and gets himself ejected before the coin toss? The same Joey Porter that instead of commenting on football, comments on player’s sexual preferences that aren’t even true?

    Cam Cameron isn’t helping much either. But then again, there is only so much a man can do when his first and last names are the same thing. Dear Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, out of all the names in the world, why would you name your son Cameron, when his last name is Cameron! What has this world come to?

    Miami will finish up its remaining six games over the next month and a half, and then it will be rebuilding time for the dreadful Fins. We can only offer our best wishes and condolences to the Dolphin fans, but it’s not all bad, at least it’s not snowing where you are.

3 replies on “Sink or Swim”

hilarious I thought this article was great.  The only problem I have with it is the “emphasize on the word” sentence that is repeated twice.  It should be “emphasize the word” or “put emphasis on the word”.  Other than that great job.  I enjoyed reading this.

first of all…. The Dolphins receivers, even with Chambers, were crap. Booker is average at best, and Chambers is the model citizen for inconsistency. The only guy I can think of that has worse consistency would be Lee Evans.

Also, Trent Green was never underrated. He was simply a slightly better than average quarterback. And Eddie Kennison was an overlooked solid receiver for KC for many years. You’re also forgetting that Kansas City has had a great offensive line and running game throughout Green’s time there.

I thought you said some really funny things. There was some really good writing in here, but it was too shaky and much like Chambers, inconsistent.

I liked the Joey Porter comments. Too true.

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