NFL General

Why I’m not Thankful

Aside from the lovely Thanksgiving Dinner yesterday and a Green Bay Packer win, I am left so very unsatisfied. Once again, Thanksgiving Day Football has left me uninspired and left wanting more. More from the players, frankly, as they have time and time again dashed my hopes of gaining a strategic edge in fantasy football before the Sunday games could come around to us. But alas, like every year during this holiday, the games are poor contests with even worse statistics. Aside for Favre going off like this was his last game on earth, it was a huge bummer. And with that said, here are the 32 things I am NOT thankful for in sports, but most notably the NFL, just one day after the holiday.I am not thankful for…

  1. Spygate: If I have to hear about this so-called “cheating” one more time, I’m going to implode. Face it, people, there is no real edge to be gained out of using a camera, and even if there were, it’s done and over with. The Patriots are Super Bowl champions three times over because they’re that good, not because they know how to manage a camera.
  2. Don Shula: Honestly, the guy has one perfect season and he feels his opinion on this current NFL season is at all relevant? Congratulations on meaning something to the league a hundred years ago when you won your last Super Bowl, but come off it already. The Patriots don’t deserve an asterisk. Barry Bonds does.
  3. The entire 1972 Dolphins: How childish is it to celebrate over other team’s misfortunes? If every person/team were to cry when their record was broken or jump in jubilation when it survived, we’d have a bunch of greedy old men on our hands. The Dolphins should take some advice from one of their own; Dan Marino.
  4. The current Miami Dolphins (0-10): Win a friggin game already.
  5. Bart Starr: I know you made that heroic quarterback sneak in the Ice Bowl like a thousand years ago, and that’s great and all, but I am sick of seeing your face on tv commercials.
  6. Bo Jackson: You could have been something special.
  7. Adrian Peterson: Just when you were quieting your critics and proving everyone wrong, you have to go and get hurt. Now that record breaking rookie season you were going to have is going to look so average.
  8. The New York Knicks: If it’s not management, it’s Isaiah Thomas. And if it’s not him, it’s the lackluster play. Let’s do a real version of the movie “Eddie” and let the ball REALLY drop on this team.
  9. The New York Mets: You know damn well why.
  10. People who give advice about fantasy football: It’s because of people like you that I drafted Jerious Norwood and didn’t draft Adrian Peterson.
  11. Alex Smith: I thought you were progressing. Damn you.
  12. Frank Gore: I selected you with the number 5 overall pick, and THIS is the THANKS I get? Awesome.
  13. Jon Kitna and his ESP: 10-6, huh? Really? You’re 6-5, buddy.
  14. Brett Favre’s reluctance to say his team is good: You have a good defense, a good coach, solid special teams, and you throw the ball like you did in 1996. Stop being such a schmuck.
  15. O.J. Simpson: With each passing decade you somehow make yourself AND the NFL look worse.
  16. Any team that has sat in the number one slot in this season’s BCS rankings: Because screw’em, that’s why.
  17. Andy Reid: I picked your team to go to the Super Bowl. What’s wrong with you? I wonder if you shaved your stache, if it’d have the reverse effect on you than it did on Samson.
  18. Adam Morrison’s ACL: Because you flippin’ tore.
  19. LaDainian Tomlinson: Your team is 5-5 and you got outran by 256 yards by Adrian Peterson. How does that happen?
  20. Lane Kiffin: For not playing Jamarcus Russell, already.
  21. Marvin Harrison: For clearly slowing down. I mean, I know you’re hurt, but come on.
  22. The St. Louis Rams: For getting healthy much too late.
  23. Ronnie Brown: For delivering the hugest fantasy football tease known to man.
  24. Lee Evans: For showing up 4 out of 16 games a season.
  25. Bubba Franks: For signing that huge 6 year contract a couple years back and never earning a dime of it.
  26. Aaron Rodgers: Because a pack of nickels could sit on the bench behind Favre. Honestly, bring back T.J. Rubley if you want. Favre isn’t going anywhere.
  27. Drew Bennett: For being one of the biggest free agency busts in some time.
  28. Shaun Alexander: For not getting your foot properly prepared for the season, and for holding your team back because of it.
  29. Darrell Jackson: Because you clearly continue to leave your hands in your glove compartment.
  30. Lloyd Carr: I like you, but you can’t beat Ohio State.
  31. The Wisconsin Badgers Football team: A pre-season national champion contender? Right.
  32. The New Orleans Saints up and down season: If I wanted a roller coaster I’d go to Six Flags.

The one thing I am truly thankful for? Football in general, and it’s undying ability to upset me in the deepest ways.

2 replies on “Why I’m not Thankful”

32 NFL Teams? You make a point of saying you are offering 32 things you are not thankful for as there are 32 NFL teams, but you don’t really stick to that formule and you even hit on basketball and baseball.

That said, I actually enjoyed this and would give you my vote if you just changed your opening to fit the remaining article and review your content once more for typos.  

Nr. 2; you have an extra letter in “Congratulations”.  
Nr. 17; Re-write the second sentence to make sense.  
Nr. 18; “Because you flippin’ tore.”?  
Nr. 19; LaDainian
Nr. 30; Lloyd

adjustments Thanks for the constructive criticism. I made the appropriate adjustments on spelling errors, and made it known that this was mostly based on the NFL, but not completely. Thanks for reading and commenting.

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