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The Hoagie Report

(originally posted February 05, 2004)

I was hoping for some positive Philly sports news after the Super Bowl but it just ain’t happening. The Sixers are showing “no heart”, the Flyers don’t have a goalie (one is out with a knee injury, the other is hanging out with David Duval.) and the Phillies haven’t even reported yet. It’s a desperate day in my life when I’m anxiously awaiting a baseball season.
Luckily for me, there is plenty of other sports news to talk about. Where to begin, where to begin.

From the ever popular baptistpress.com, comes a story quoting Kurt Warner as having said “You want to say, ‘God, how could You allow this to happen?’ I thought I was over the fact of being a backup. It was such a shock, but God has allowed me to use this greater platform for Him.”

What the F does this mean? Let me clarify something for you out there. Sports can sometimes be religion, but sports is never governed by religion. Not only does God not care about Kurt Warner and his twin brother Brenda, he doesn’t care about anything to do with sports. God, if there is one, has other things to worry about besides completion percentages, Super Bowls and MVP votes. Being a starting quarterback instead of a backup has absolutely zero effect on how God feels about you. I am so sick of these Bible Thumpers in sports. Worship all you want but don’t shove it down our throats. Mahmoud Abdul-Raouf gets lambasted because his God didn’t want him to stand for the national anthem. But I have to watch Thrash point to his God after every 5 yard catch? (Thankfully, he hardly ever catches a ball.) I’m more offended by Thrash’s shitty play!

Janet Jackson’s boob shot is yesterday’s news and I’m happy to let it die. Until I read that there’s a possibility that the networks institute a minute plus delay on live events to prevent this type of thing ever happening again. As a die hard fantasy football head, if I ever find out that someone has scored a TD via my stattracker before I see the play on live tv, I’m going to go apeshit. I don’t care about attention grabbing antics until it affects me. Now, I’m morally outraged. Someone fine CBS, MTV, NFL, Janet Jackson, Justin Timberlake, etc. etc. Actually, someone should fine Janet’s plastic surgeon for not doing a better job.

Speaking of live events, the Grammys are coming up. There is nothing I hate more than the Grammys. At least the Oscars get it right every once in a while. If anything, the Oscars have a bent towards being too highbrow. But the Grammys Awards are prime examples of what is wrong with music. I’m not going to go over the nominations because they’re mostly sickening. But I’d like to point out that Fountains of Wayne, which has had 3 albums and had a hit single (“Radiation Vibe”) on their first album is nominated for Best New Artist. Did the definition of “new” change to “first time in top 10 sales”?

Ok, before my readers start complaining again about Sportscolumn not covering enough of all sports, let’s talk about hockey. I still don’t understand how hockey pays their players so much money when nobody ever watches it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge hockey fan. Well, come playoff time anyway. But, how can the NHL afford these ridiculous salaries and all the expansion? Why is hockey being played in cities now that have never had snow? Can we round up the guys from Cool Runnings for a Jamaican team?

But, this wasn’t my original E-train of thought. It’s time that Eric Lindross retired. I loved his game when he was with the Flyers and I think he was one of the most underappreciated Philly stars, but it’s over. He was really tentative coming back from his last concussion. And by tentative I mean, sucked. If he can’t be the same player he once was (remember Rangers-Flyers ECF?), it’s time to think about not being a drooling mess after your career is over. As much as I love to drool, at least that’s voluntary. No one wants to end up like Charles Macum Diggs.


You know what I love? Word of the Day. From Merriam Webster comes today’s word:

dutch * DUTCH\ * adverb
often capitalized : with each person paying his or her own way.

Did you know?
During the 17th century, the British and the Dutch became bitter rivals in international commerce. As the competition heated up, so did the invectives. One of the earliest verbal abuses directed at the Dutch was the term “Dutch bargain,” penned in 1654 to describe a bargain made and sealed as if while drinking. “Dutch courage” (courage artificially stimulated especially by drink), “Dutch uncle” (one who admonishes sternly and bluntly), and “in Dutch” (in disfavor or trouble) are some more examples. The Dutch were also vilified as greedy. Hence, when you’re invited to a dutch treat, you’re expected to pay your own way. By the 20th century, “dutch” and “dutch treat” were being used as adverbs meaning “with each person paying his or her own way.”

What about Dutch Oven? Does anyone know the etymology of that phrase? I’m dying to know.

By Vin

Vin is a Philly boy who shouldn't be invited into your house because he'll judge you on your book and music collection. He owns Dawkins, Utley, Iverson, and Lindros jerseys, which is all you really need to know about him. He can be reached at [email protected].

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