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Future Forecast: Heavy Dosage of T.O.

When I worked at Fed-ex packaging, there were packages that we would have to stock on the trucks that read “fragile.”  My fellow employees only handled these packages with nothing but the utmost extreme care.  They would pick them up ever so lightly, and place them ever so gently into the stocking truck.  Eh-hem. Only in a perfect world.  Now, back to reality.  I remember there was one guy in particular that really got pumped up when he saw a fragile tag on a package. He would see that bright orange fragile sticker and it was almost like he just shot up a nice, hefty dosage of some juice.  I don’t know what it feels like to be shot up with steroids, but I’m sure it would feel exactly how he looked.  This guy, his name was Kenny, he would pick up these fragile packages and punch them, kick them, and beat them into utter submission.  I mean, he would goto town on these packages as if he was practicing for an upcoming UFC match. When the product was finished, it looked something like Evander Holyfields’ ear after the third round of Holyfield vs. Tyson II.  It just didn’t look right.  The theme of this situation is that modern America thought that their fragile packages were being handled with caution and care by a packaging company that is known for its commitment to excellence.  When in reality, at 4:00 AM inside the Fed-ex warehouse, chaotic mayhem was taking place.  Moral of the story?  Buy insurance for your packages.  Because there is always going to be, “that one guy.”  Actually, there is a point to this random story, and here it is.

Terrell Owens hamstring is the most famous body part to be touched on since Michael Jackson “allegedly” engaged in innapropriate acts with young boys. Now, I know what your thinking.  But seriously, take a long, hard look in the mirror here.  There is nothing significant going on in Dallas right now. The “player” has a pulled hamstring.  He is not selling out on the Cowboys.  He has not voided his contract.  Owens is hurt, he simply cannot perform at 100% as of this moment.   He missed a team meeting.  So what?  What if Chad Johnson missed an offensive meeting?  It would make the end of Sportscenter at best.  Nothing more.  It is not even an issue.  Maybe if this was a couple days away from September 10th this might be a little two paragraph story.  The media is turning this into a virtual reality show.  The only thing that is missing, is the reality.  Owens is trying his best to get back to practice and get healthy.  It is definitely hurting the chemistry between Owens and Bledsoe but you can count on the media blowing that completely out of proportion as soon as you see Bledsoe snap at Owens once for running the wrong route.  I can see it now. Here come the comparisons to Owens, Mcnabb II.  You have the media airing 24 hour T.O. coverage.  It is like a disease.  An addiction if you will.  Someone at ESPN didn’t get the bulletin.  This is the PRESEASON.  Don’t you guys have  Little League World Series coverage to be doing or something?   Stop showing me T.O. on the 3 A.M. Sportscenter before I goto sleep.  Such a beast gives me nightmares.

ESPN loves making drama.  Numerous times a day, they talk about the fuse getting shorter.  How long until Bill Parcells is going to blow up?  Has T.O. gone too far?  Does Jerry Jones regret his decision?  Is T.O. faking an injury?  They are like a little kid on Christmas Eve.  They just cannot wait.  They are like adolescent teenage girls.  They thrive on the drama. It has gotten to the point where it makes me sick  to my stomach.   It is like the Mcdonald’s commercials.  You see this big, juicy, delicious Big Mac on television, but when you go to get one, its nothing but two hockey pucks on a poor mans’ sesame seed bun.  If that.  They make something out of nothing and it is completely blown out of proportion and it must be stopped.  I wouldn’t be surprised to see pin-ups of Terrell Owens all over ESPN headquarters.  Right next to all the TNT NBA playoff advertisements that read, “We Know Drama.”  It is absolutely ridiculous.  It should be illegal for ESPN to air anything that is remotely related to T.O.  It is like Ernie Johnsons’ swollen grotesque face, it is impossible not to notice.  And after a while, you just cannot watch anymore.

So why in the world would you aquire such a cancer like T.O.  I am here to tell you the cancer is not Owens, but simply all the media outlets around him.  Sure, Terrell Owens has flaws as a person.  He can be a major distraction.  He can tear apart your entire team.  These are all facts.  But let’s be honest here.  There has never been a beast with so much potential at wide receiver. Yes, there has been better. But this man is physically blessed.  Listed at 6’3″ tall and weighing in at 224 pounds.  He has the versatility to do virtually everything on the football field.  The only flaw in his game is inside himself.  But what has he done this season to deserve all this scrutiny?  How would you like to be judged for what you did last year?  The media almost refuses to look ahead to the future unless there is going to be conflict involved.  They salivate at the mouth for the chance to catch Bill Parcells looking angry at T.O.  And then they say, “hey Bill Parcells is about to explode!  News flash you “sports experts!”  Bill Parcells is always going to look angry no matter who he is talking to.  Okay?  And you know Mr. Owens  thrives on the spotlight.  

We are still two weeks from the regular season and we haven’t even seen an appearance from the best supporting actor in a drama film yet.  Give the man a chance.  Even if he is a freak of nature on the outside, boasting super human abilities and a plane-like wingspan.  He is still a human being on the inside.  He has a pulled hamstring. He also has hurt feelings.  Very expensive, damaged, feelings.  Steve Smith also has a pulled hamstring.  But nobody is making a situation out of last years best wide receiver in the leagues’ hammy.  Why not?  You don’t even hear about it.  And he put up monster numbers last year.  Yet, the media would still rather discuss soap operas that do not even exist over Football. Do not tell me Steve Smith’s ego isn’t as big as Owens. We have all seen the touchdown dances.  Wipe the baby’s butt.  Change the diapers. If Owens gets back to 100% he will be the best receiver in the league this year.  He is going to be a difference maker to the Dallas Cowboys and he is going to push them over the top.  Bill Parcells will keep him in check, and there is not going to be any Philadelphia story around Texas Stadium.  You can count on that.  Maybe around Sportscenter headquarters, but they are living in Neverland.

You can question this man’s attitude.  That is justified.  But do not question his work ethic.  He is blessed. It is god given. Jerry Jones may have made a deal with the devil, but what he will receive, is a gift from god. With the T.O. obsession in full force, I think the NFL forgot one little question. Who in the hell is going to guard Terry Glenn?

3 replies on “Future Forecast: Heavy Dosage of T.O.”

T.O. stands for Trivial Obsession I really enjoyed the angle you took on this.  Fine piece of work putting the T.O. injury in perspective.

Excellent premise.

thanks. Thank you, I am really glad you enjoyed it.  It was my first column I have written on this site.  

Re: FedEx I also worked at FedEx, and also worked with a guy named Kenny.  I could very easily see him acting that way. :p

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