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Friday Free For All

You know, a long time ago, before the blog and site development sucked up all my time, I used to write about 3 columns a week here on SC. Only about one and a half of them were any good. Still, that’s a better batting average than Peter King, who manages to suck (mostly Tom Brady) in every single column. Ever since Trevor came out with his sports medley column, I’ve been meaning to wrestle the title of “Most Random Writer” back from him. So here it is folks, the inaugural Friday Free For All.

1. As soon as someone learns I’m an Eagles fan, they inevitably ask me about TO. (Can you imagine what it’s like for Donovon McNabb or Bill Parcells?) And the answer is I do not hate TO. I just shake my head and think about what could have been if TO didn’t have the self-centeredness of a teenage girl, the inability to learn anything new like the guy from Memento, or had never met Drew Rosenhaus at a charity bowling event. TO could have been the mayor of Philadelphia in a unanimous vote if he’d just kept his insanity in check.

2. The person I do hate is Warren Sapp. Watching that fat slob on the sidelines during the Eagles-Raiders game brought back memories of that fat bastard as the Buccaneers celebrated their NFCCG victory over the Eagles. I believe Kris Jenkins said it best: “I hate him. Everybody says I’m supposed to be polite when I talk to you all, but I hate him. He talks too much, he doesn’t make sense, he’s fat, he’s sloppy, he acts like he’s the best thing since sliced bread. He’s ugly, he stinks, his mouth stinks, his breath stinks, and basically his soul stinks, too. Not too many people have personalities like that and survive in life. I don’t know how he does it.”

3. People: stop drafting Reggie Bush so high in non-keeper leagues. Taking him in the first round with so much talent left on the board is insane. There’s no question that he’ll be a great back in the NFL but if you want to waste a top 10 pick on him in your fantasy draft, then thanks for your donation to the league.

4. Koy Detmer is absolutely the NFL player most guilty of stealing paychecks. If Koy Detmer were a woman…he’d be one ugly woman… and he’d be Kathy Griffin. Both are disgusting, terrible at what they do, and somehow continue to get work. If Koy Detmer ever got pulled over, I wouldn’t be suprised if the police found photos in his trunk of Andy Reid dressed up as a woman.

5. This should be illegal. My friend claims that I could never handle her, which is true. Jessica Biel is like high heat. My celebrity ceiling is Natalie Portman, who, while smokin in her own right, is more of an offspeed pitch.

6. My one and only Sleeper Fantasy Pick for you is Matt Jones.

7. The Eagles are at 27-1 odds to win the Super Bowl. There is no reason whatsoever if you’re an Eagles fan not to put a $20 spot on the birds to win it this year. Every year I put some cash on the Eagles to win during my fantasy football draft in Vegas, usually at something horrendous like 7-1 odds, and every year I tear up my betting slip in January. So perhaps being under the radar is what’s needed for these birds. Sure, the Eagles are thin at wideout and have no running back depth but the Ravens won with less. And if you think comparing the Eagles to the 2001-defense-for-the-ages Ravens is insane, consider the tremendous talent and depth the Eagles have on the D-line. I might be just drinking the kool-aid but 27-1 odds are worth taking. Then again, you’re talking to a guy who put money on the Phillies to win the NL penant at 10-1.

8. Finally, here’s your weekly Tivo Alert. The folks over at the National Geographic Channel sent me an advance copy of Fight Science (debuts this Sunday at 9PM ET/PT on NGC) and it is killer. They took a bunch of the world’s best martial artists (and a boxer) and put them in a science lab with the people who test car crashes and measured the results. By putting sensors everywhere in a crash test dummy they were able to measure the impact of certain martial arts moves. They also measured things like balance and velocity of attack. The long and short of it is that any of these highly trained martial artists packs enough power to kill you. After watching it, I can’t believe that someone doesn’t die every time in a Muay Thai kickboxing match. Just brutal.

I will say though that they missed a golden opportunity to cater to our generation. The whole show is set up to measure martial arts “myths” like the “death punch” or “nerve strikes”. Well, there are three things we need to know: 1) Can sweeping the leg produce enough force to injure Daniel LaRusso’s knee so severely? 2) Can Mr. Miyagi really heal it by rubbing his hands together and then rubbing the knee? And 3) How much force would the crane kick have on Johnny Lawrence’s face upon impact? And while we’re at it, why does LaRusso’s mom allow him to hang around with an old asian guy living alone and how could someone like LaRusso ever score a chick as hot as Elizabeth Shue. Sadly, no amount of science could ever explain that last one.

That’s it for this week folks. Consider this column like Renee Zellweger post-Bridget Jones but pre-Cinderella Man. I’m just getting back in fighting shape.

By Vin

Vin is a Philly boy who shouldn't be invited into your house because he'll judge you on your book and music collection. He owns Dawkins, Utley, Iverson, and Lindros jerseys, which is all you really need to know about him. He can be reached at [email protected]

3 replies on “Friday Free For All”

Nice I agree with the Matt Jones pick, but I disagree with Reggie Bush. I think he’s gonna be ridiculous this year.

Awesome Column! I love a nice hodgepodge.  Those are without a doubt the best ones to write.

Reggie Bush will have a good year this year.  I’m in a keeper league and in a dilemma.  I am actively trying to trade out of my #5 pick down to like #11 or #12 at the end of the first round to draft him.

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