The following interview with an avid Red Sox fan was conducted outside Fenway Park last week. “What do you think of Alex Rodriguez?”
“Payrod? I hate him.”
“Why?”
“He makes too much money!”
“Don’t all baseball players make too much money?”
“No. The Red Sox are all struggling and underpaid. They don’t take limos like the Yankees!”
“Uh, most of the Red Sox are millionaires. And they do take limos.”
“But not the big stretch limos that Payrod takes! Talk about being pompous!”
“OK. Anything else?”
“Well, the most obvious. When Slappy slapped the ball out of Arroyo’s hand! He cheated!”
“Uh, well, he didn’t get away with it, so he really didn’t cheat.”
“But he tried to! It was the worst thing ever! He could have hurt Bronson! Schill said it, so it must be true!”
“Well, technically, he might have run Arroyo over.”
“He could have?”
“Yep. Says it right in the rules.”
“But he SLAPPED him! I hate him! He’s an over-paid, limo-riding slapper!”
“You’re spitting on me.”
“ARod spits too! He’s an over-paid slapper spitter! And then he stands on second base and acts like he didn’t do anything! What a faker!”
“Sort of like when the catcher moves his glove over to try and get a strike? Or when a runner on second base steals a signal? Or when an outfielder traps a ball and holds it up like he caught it?”
“Yeah. I mean, NO! It’s different. It’s like Pete Rose betting on baseball! It disgraced our national past time! Freakin Rich Slappy Limo Boy!”
“OK. What about the fact that the Red Sox were trying to trade for ARod last year?”
“We never wanted him.”
“You didn’t?”
“Nope. No one did. We were just playing along.”
“You sure? The deal was almost done. Boston was positively giddy at the prospect.”
“Nope. All an act. We didn’t want him.”
“But the quotes in the paper…”
“LA LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU! LA LA LA LA”
“OK. Let’s move on. Anything tangible you can give me about ARod that makes you hate him?”
“The purple lip gloss.”
“You sure he was wearing lip gloss?”
“Yep. Millar said so. I hate that lip-gloss wearing, limo-riding, overpaid cheating pitcher-slapper!”
“Thanks for your time.”
4 replies on “Interview with a Red Sox Fan”
Point? I don’t quite understand the point of your article. Is it satiric? If so, is it soft, harmless satire, or harsh, vindictive satire? Is it supposed to be a commentary on the stereotypically brain-dead Bostonian? Please enlighten me.
Nice I liked it. Funny. And I liked how it became more and more satirical as it went on, good writing. Clever, quick, brisk. Entertaining read. Well done, chief.
Comment thanks for your comment….
Satire It is satire. You could write a good one about Yankee fans.
And I don’t think the typical Boston fan is brain-dead. Just currently a bit big-headed and unfocused.