The Kentucky Derby: A Worthwhile Watch

by Frank M. Henkel

There was a time in these United States, perhaps a generation ago or more,
when sports resided in A.M. radio, and in the hearts of those who listened. Back
then; when the call was as important as the moment, the Kentucky Derby was one
of the most anticipated events of the year. That time may have passed, so does
that mean that we should scrap the Derby altogether?  Absolutely not!

So what went wrong?  ESPN began broadcasting. Then ESPN2. Then News,
Classic, "U", Fox Sports, Speed Channel, the Golf Channel, and 52 other
round-the-clock sports networks began broadcasting. In between, four major team
sports, the Olympics, and a myriad of individual sports negotiated network TV
deals. The Derby, which thrived on radio and even on ABC’s Wide World of Sports,
became lost in today’s sports-crazy world, where there are enough channels to
dedicate hundreds of hours to the NFL Draft. The distinct gallop-by-gallop
account of a horse race, made for radio, sounds almost corny on television.

Compounding matters, we really do not know anything about any of the horses.
How can we? The Seabiscuits of years past seemed to have personalities
commensurate with their names. This year, we have a horse named Bob and John.
No, that is not a typo. Bob and John. These owners are not even trying anymore.
We might as well name the next generations of thoroughbreds "Winorgotothegluefactoryyoustupidhorse",
or "Number6".

Gone also are the jockeys with personalities, such as Schumacher. Okay, he
didn’t have a TON of personality, but he had as much as could be expected from a
91-pound foreign guy. Do you know who last years winning jockey is? Some guy
named Mike Smith. No, I am not making this stuff up!

Hell, we don’t even know what the name of the track is, or where in Kentucky
it is! The answer is Churchill Downs in Louisville, by the way. Honestly, how
many of you thought Churchill Downs was another (different) big race? How many
thought the race was in Lexington, Frankfort, Fort Knox, or some rural, dirt
oval in the middle of a blue grass field with some bleachers and a barn? How
many knew there was a grass track inside of the dirt track!

Of course, it doesn’t help that Hank Goldberg, the Mel Kiper of horse racing,
couldn’t pick the winner in a one-horse race. Here is a piece of information
that you can take to your OTB tonight: Goldberg likes Lawyer Ron (Horse name,
not owner name!). In short, this means that Lawyer Ron will NOT win. Bank it.

There are plenty of problems in this sport. Plenty. Wining the Triple Crown
in horse racing is akin to doing so in baseball. For the first time in history,
there is no living Crown champion. Thousand-dollar mint juleps that have Arctic
Circle ice, South Pacific sugar, and 24-carat gold plated glasses get more
coverage than Barbara, the race favorite. Races before the Derby, like the
Arkansas Derby, aren’t covered at all. I bet you did not even know that the
Arkansas Derby existed! (And NO, there is no ALASKA DERBY!)

So all hope is lost for the Derby and for the sport. Not quite.

The Kentucky Oaks, a race held on the day before the Derby, set a record for
attendance this year. ESPN began a week of coverage dedicated to the Derby. Most
importantly, early indicators show that this year’s betting is at or near an
all-time high, and as long as the cash is flowing, the race will keep on going.

This brings us to the most important question of all: Is this race worth
watching, or is it waste of time?

Look, just watch it, already. The actual race lasts all of five minutes, so
you have already invested more time in this article than you will in the race!
TiVo it if your busy (sarcasm) lifestyle prohibits you from watching it live.
Before you watch, though, keep these pointers in mind to make the race more
enjoyable:

1. Pick a winner – Even if you’re not gambling, pick who you think will win
the race. You can go by a name you like, or just pick a favorite or a long shot.

2. Learn a tiny bit about the lingo used – The starting gates are called
"posts". There are 20 starting gates for 20 horses. Generally, the best gates
are 6 through 10 or so. The worst two are 1 and 20, in that order, so you don’t
want to pick Jazil or Flashy Bull. Also, the top three finishers in the race are
described as "Win, Place, and Show" for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd.

3. Learn some basic betting language, which you might know already. If the
odds on a horse are 10-1 (said "Ten to One"), it means that if the horse wins
and you bet on it, you’ll get $10 for every $1 bet. A "prohibitive favorite" has
odds that look backwards. For example, if the odds are 1-3, the horse pays just
$1 for every $3 bet. There are no prohibitive favorites in this year’s Derby.
There rarely is. A "trifecta" is a bet where you try to pick the top 3
finishers. Depending on which horses finish where, a $1 bet on a correct
trifecta can net hundreds in return.

4. When listening to the announcer during the race, you are not supposed to
take in everything he says. He talks like an auctioneer, and is describing every
pass, which horse is falling back, etc. Just listen for details about your hose
while you watch. If you don’t hear anything, your trifecta might be in trouble!

5. The favorite so far is Barbara at 6-1 (8th post). The long shot is Deputy
Glitters at 74-1 (post 14). These odds will change before race time (called
"Post Time").

If I had to pick a favorite and a long shot, I would take Sinister Minister
(4th post, 7-1) as my favorite and Keyed Entry (3rd, 43-1) as my long shot. Good
luck, happy betting, and enjoy the race!