In My State of Mind

In my state of mind I shouldn’t be doing anything but trying to get some rest. In my state of mind I shouldn’t be writing. God knows, what comes out might be straight gibberish, but I am going to give it a shot.

Tuesday I got a head cold. Head colds are the worst for me. I hate the runny noses, the drowsiness, and most of all I get incredibly delirious. I say things like, “I wonder who would win in a fight between Lindsay Lohan and Kelly Clarkson?” I take Lohan simply because Clarkson seems like way too much of a sweetheart. In an email with one of my friends I said “Squints Paladoris from ‘The Sandlot’ is one of the greatest characters ever to grace the silver screen” People in a good state of mind don’t say these things. See I am still delirious

For the last couple of days I have been trying to write, and for those of you who read “Oh Captain, My Captain: The Mets Search for a New Captain,” I apologize because most of it was forced out of me. It was really second rate writing, but hopefully I will make up for it with this

I wanted to do a preview of the NL East, but sure enough somebody has already written a preview for the NL East. So I am going to write about what goes on in my life from the end of the football season until the start of football season. Unfortunately, I am going to kind of rip off my favorite writer Bill Simmons and do a month by month of what I do. But if you are going to emulate a sports writer Simmons is the guy.

The NFL season usually ends in February so I guess this is where I should begin:

February:  In February I am usually still recuperating from some kind of Jet let down, this year was no different. It wasn’t different at all, it was worse. I just kept on thinking during the Super Bowl, “I wonder if the Jets could have beaten the Pats if Doug Brien made one stupid field goal.” After the Steeler game, I drowned myself in a bottle of Soco repeating, “The laces were in, they were in!!”

February is the worst month in my sports life. I hate the NBA, so basketball is out of the question. The NBA is just not interesting to me. There is nothing the league could do to make me watch an entire NBA game. Nothing, I don’t care if Lebron is indeed the 2nd coming of Jordan, it just doesn’t make me want to watch a game. College Basketball is in full swing, but I can only stand Dick Vitale and Digger Phelps for maybe 5 minutes before my head explodes. All I think about is 6 months until Football, 2 until baseball, and 1 month until championship week and the big dance.

March: March is a tricky month for me. Although I am extremely excited that spring training has started it is tough to get into it being a Met fan. As a Met fan you hope, pray, sacrifice your arm, on the whim that the Mets will have a big year. But it always seems the bigger hopes you have for the Mets, the more those hopes are crushed by the All-Star Break. But hey the tournament is almost here.

Championship week is a great week in college sports. Usually I watch the Pac-10 tournament, mainly because I went to Arizona State. Arizona State was terrible this year, so they will probably be the 8 seed and knocked out in the first round by Washington. Have you noticed that all the teams I rout for are bad (except for the Jets)? Babe Ruth doesn’t have anything on me as far as hexes go.  

Anyway, championship week is the appetizer for the Big Dance. You get your buzzer beaters, your big comebacks, and the upsets. Championship week leaves you yearning for more which I believe makes the tournament that much better.

The Big Dance is the second best sporting event of the year (Super Bowl being number one). I tried to get a hotel room in Vegas 2 months ago, every hotel room was booked and my dreams of boozing and betting at a sports book are gone. The Big Dance is it; we all huddle around our televisions watching a Valpo beat an Old Miss. And we love it, even if it ruins our brackets. I love the tournament, how could you not? I spend 3 weeks staring at a bracket hoping the `Zags will finally make it to the Final Four. I pick them every year to make it there, and I wonder why I never win the pool.

March is a good month, but mainly because of the college hoops. Baseball is around the corner and at this time of the year I am praying for something good to happen to the Mets. Only I know deep in my heart Jose Reyes is going to tear a hamstring, oh well football is only 5 months away now.

April: Baseball is finally here, oh yeah and so is the NFL draft. Most nights I will find myself watching the Amazins. Last year the Mets started out great, the Mets were scoring like Ben Affleck in a brothel. I remember during the 2nd game of the year the Mets were up six nothing and my friend Ryan called me and said “They are going to be sick this year.” Do you know what happened in that game? The Mets lost like 18-11. I don’t remember the exact score, but it was something like that. He jinxed the season for the Mets, so I will no longer pick up my phone to talk about the Mets at any point during the season, especially if they are playing well.

The NFL draft is a great event, but it is such a tease. I enjoy the draft because it is the last time I will hear about football for several months. I also wait for the Jets to do something stupid, but lately they have had some pretty solid drafts. I mean do I really have to remind you how good Jonathan Vilma was this year and how good Dewayne Robertson got?

Baseball starting is a nice pick-me-up, and the draft gives me a lot to look forward to for the football season. But most of April consists of me waiting for warm weather and a 5 game winning streak by the Mets. Unlike my hopes for the Mets, the warm weather comes every year.

May to July: These few months are basically the same every year. The Mets are already out of it by the All-Star break and I am counting the days until training camp opens. This year I really hope the Mets play well and are able to contend at least until August. That’s why I can’t get too into baseball any more. I haven’t seen a season worth anything since 2000. It’s tough, but that’s how it is when you are a fan. For once I just want to say to Yankee fans, “See you in October.” Instead of saying the way too routine, “Wait until next year.”

Fourth of July is always the best party of the year. I am usually too inebriated to really care that the Mets are in last place or that football doesn’t start for another 2 months. There is nothing like celebrating our nation’s birthday with gallons of Soco and fireworks.

August: The Mets are officially out of the Wild Card, the Jets are about to start Preseason, and college football is underway. Usually I am ecstatic when the preseason begins, just because football is finally back. But after 2003, I am always going to be cautiously optimistic. What happened in 2003? Well, Pennington’s wrist nearly broke off and the Jets season was over before it even began. I remember thinking to myself, “God, You made me sit through that awful Mets season and now you are going to punish me with the Jets?” Who was I in my former life to deserve this? Anyway, since that game I will never attend a preseason game again.

My alma mater Arizona State is one of the toughest teams to figure out. When you think they are going to be really good, they are terrible. This happened in 2003 when they entered the season ranked 16th, only to finish the season 4-7 and in the cellar of the Pac-10. Last year they were picked to finish 6th in the conference and finished 3rd with a final season ranking of 20th in the nation. So, I am going into this year saying they are going to finish dead last with the hopes of them winning a national title. There is nothing like negative reinforcement.  

So that is my 6 months. Most of it is spent watching T.V shows like “24” or “Lost”, and oh yes, “The O.C.” Normally in my life sports is the priority, but how can you turn down beautiful women and action? It’s better than watching the Mets get swept by a second rate team like the Pittsburgh Pirates. Maybe this year things will be different, if not there is always Soco.