by Trevor Freeman
Now that the deadline to withdraw for the NBA Draft has passed, we finally know who is in and who is out. Before we begin our first mock look, a couple awards need to be passed out. First off, is the “Omar Cook” award presented annually to the collegian that must have been smoking crack when he decided to stay in the draft. This year’s winner is Daniel Gibson from Texas. Does Gibson not have access to the internet? Does he not realize that by staying in the draft he ensured that he’ll be suiting up for Fayetteville of the NBDL in March? Our second award is my favorite and I like to call it the “Skita”. This is awarded to the draft pick that is going to make an entire fan base scratch their head the moment the selection is made. This year’s winner is Saer Sene from Senegal……..(giggling)…….(giggling some more). Here’s hoping New York pulls the trigger on him and a full-scale riot ensues.
With our awards out of the way, it is time for David Stern to take the podium……….
“We have a trade to announce. Portland is sending their two first round picks (#4 and #30) and Jarrett Jack to Toronto for the first overall selection. With the first pick in the NBA Draft the Portland Trailblazers select……”
1. Adam Morrison, SF, Gonzaga Jr.
Portland will make this move on draft day as they need Morrison to be the new face of the franchise. He is a cult hero in the Pacific Northwest as evidenced by the “Draft the Stache” movement currently going on in Portland. Morrison is easily the best player in this draft and he will put a$$es in the seats.
“With the second pick in the draft the New York Knicks………I mean Chicago Bulls select……..”
2. Tyrus Thomas, PF, LSU Soph.
I’m not sold on Thomas. I hate drafting guys who are unpolished and that is the category that Tyrus Thomas falls under. He possesses great talent and could be Shawn Marion; however he could also be Stromile Swift. The Bulls entertain offers from a Laker team trying to move up for Brandon Roy, however at the end of the day they hold onto #2.
“With the third pick in the draft the Charlotte Bobcats select……..”
3. Rudy Gay, SF, UConn, Jr.
I like Rudy Gay more than most draft experts. While he seems to coast through games and feels more like “Robin” than “Batman”, Gay has tremendous talent. He could be a poor man’s Scottie Pippen. The biggest drawback to Rudy Gay is the fact that not one fan of the Charlotte Bobcats will be rushing to Sports Authority to purchase one of his jerseys.
“With the fourth pick in the draft the Toronto Raptors select……..”
4. Andrea Bargnani, PF, Italy
……..just like walking up to the craps table and slamming $20 down on red. By the way, anybody else get a chance to read our boy Chad Ford’s article on Andrea Bargnani? In it Ford makes the case that Bargnani isn’t Nikoloz Tskitshvili, but while doing so he basically admits he never really watched “Skita” play (even though he raved about him before the draft). You gotta tip your hat to Chad Ford. All he does is watch basketball for a living and he can’t even do that successfully.
“With the fifth pick in the draft the Atlanta Hawks select…….”
5. Randy Foye, PG, Villanova Jr.
When Royal Ivey and Tyronn Lue are your best two options at the point guard spot……..you’re not really an NBA franchise.
“With the sixth overall pick the Minnesota Timberwolves select…..”
6. LaMarcus Aldridge, C, Texas Soph.
Aldridge combines with Kevin Garnett to give Minnesota a nice starting frontline and two nice building blocks……….too bad the other eleven blocks are all chipped.
“With the seventh pick in the draft the Boston Celtics select……..”
7. Brandon Roy, SG, Washington, Sr.
The basketball gods just smiled on Boston. Don’t look now but Delonte West, Wally Szczerbiak, Roy, and Paul Pierce give Boston a very nice perimeter attack. I think Brandon Roy might be the second best player in this draft behind Adam Morrison.
“With the eighth pick in the draft the Houston Rockets select……”
8. J.J. Redick, SG, Duke, Sr.
Redick is the perfect fit for Houston. With Yao and T-Mac attracting double teams all game long, Redick could average 17 a night just by hitting open jump shots.
“With the ninth pick in the draft the Golden State Warriors select……”
9. Patrick O’Bryant, C, Bradley, Soph.
There is no doubt in my mind my beloved Warriors are taking O’Bryant. There’s also no doubt in my mind that he’ll be stealing money from the team for the next three years. What the Warriors need to do is strike an agreement with the Oakland A’s and arrange some kind of time share on Billy Beane. Beane handles the A’s GM duties from 8-1 and the Warriors from 1-5. Makes perfect sense. Until the Warriors are able to successfully buyout my lucrative eight figure deals with “Poor Man’s PTI” and “RFF Radio”, I can’t see any better route for the franchise to take.
“With the tenth pick in the draft the team Bob Hill will eventually run into the ground selects……”
10. Shelden Williams, PF. Duke, Sr.
Bob Hill could coach Michael Jordan in his prime and still screw the pooch. You should have seen him guide Fordham University (my alma mater) to a 2-26 record. Poor Shelden Williams. Going from Coach K to “SpongeBob Armani Pants” is like sleeping with Kirsten Dunst one day and Rosie O’Donnell the next.
“With the eleventh pick in the draft the Orlando Magic select……”
11. Ronnie Brewer, SG, Arkansas, Jr.
Orlando needs a 2 guard and Brewer is the best one left on the board. His shooting stroke leaves a lot to be desired, however Brewer is an incredible athlete.
“With the twelfth pick in the draft the New Orleans/Oklahoma City/Topeka/Fargo/Albany Hornets select……”
12. Cedric Simmons, PF, North Carolina State, Soph.
……..and you wanna know why I rip on Chad Ford so much? It’s because I know more about the game of basketball than he ever will and I would give my left testicle to cover the NBA Draft for espn.com. I’d also give my left testicle for a threeway with Jessica Alba and Elisha Cuthbert, but that’s a different subject for a different time. By the way……Cedric Simmons……probably going to suck.
“With the thirteenth pick in the draft the Philadelphia 76ers select……”
13. Marcus Williams, PG, UConn, Jr.
His mini-slide stops here. With his first NBA contract, he should have plenty of money to purchase himself a nice laptop computer.
“With the fourteenth pick in the draft the Utah Jazz select…….”
14. Oleksiy Pecherov, PF, Ukraine
There is a 97.6% chance that Pecherov stinks.
“With the fifteenth pick in the draft the Omaha Hornets select……”
15. Shannon Brown, SG, Michigan State, Jr.
An absolute steal at #15, Brown will join up with Chris Paul and form one of the most electrifying backcourts in the NBA.
“With the sixteenth pick in the draft the Chicago Bulls select……”
16. Rodney Carney, SF, Memphis, Sr.
Christmas just came early for John Paxson. The Bulls get perhaps the best pure athlete in this draft and now have the ability to move Luol Deng in a package for a franchise player.
“With the seventeenth pick in the draft the Indiana Pacers select……”
17. Jordan Farmar, PG, UCLA, Soph.
This is a no-brainer. The Pacers need to bring in some young legs at the point guard spot to challenge Jamaal Tinsley and Anthony Johnson.
“With the eighteenth pick in the draft the Washington Wizards select……”
18. Saer Sene, C, Senegal
……..(giggling again)…………
“With the nineteenth pick in the draft the Sacramento Kings select……”
19. Maurice Ager, SG, Michigan State, Sr.
An explosive athlete who will can step in right away and help the Kings make up for the impending departure of Bonzi Wells.
“With the twentieth pick in the draft the biggest mess in professional sports select……”
20. Quincy Douby, SG, Rutgers, Jr.
Huge rumor floating around that the Coney Island native has a guarantee from the New York Knicks. Look for his jersey to surprisingly become a huge seller. The NBA should play along and let him have the number “420”.
“With the twenty-first pick in the draft the Phoenix Suns select……”
21. Marcus Vinicius, SF, Brazil
The perfect Sun. Vinicius is apparently an extremely talented offensive player who doesn’t play one lick of defense.
“With the twenty-second pick in the draft the New Jersey Nets select……”
22. Kyle Lowry, PG, Villanova, Soph.
That Zoran Planicic thing hasn’t worked out for the Nets and Jason Kidd is getting up there in years. In Lowry, the New Jersey Nets begin the process of grooming Kidd’s replacement.
“With the twenty-third pick in the draft the New Jersey Nets select……”
23. Paul Davis, PF, Michigan State, Sr.
There wasn’t a more disappointing collegiate player than Paul Davis. When Davis came out of high school he was considered one of the best five players in the country. He has the size and agility NBA teams crave. If he had 1/10 of the “fight” Adam Morrison has he’d be a surefire lottery pick. The Nets take the gamble that Davis will be a better pro than he was a collegian.
“With the twenty-fourth pick in the draft the Memphis Grizzlies select……”
24. Dee Brown, PG, Illinois, Sr.
Jerry West once again proves that nobody is better on draft day.
“With the twenty-fifth pick in the draft the Cleveland Cavaliers select……”
25. Mike Gansey, SG, West Virginia, Sr.
The Cleveland native can hit open jump shots and that is exactly what Cavaliers need.
“With the twenty-sixth pick in the draft the Los Angeles Lakers select……”
26. Rajon Rondo, PG, Kentucky, Soph.
The Lakers tried desperately to move up for Brandon Roy. Unfortunately their dangling of Lamar Odom didn’t generate any substantive offers. The Lakers go with Rondo as Smush Parker was hideous against the Phoenix Suns.
“With the twenty-seventh pick in the draft the Phoenix Suns select……”
27. Kevin Pittsnogle, PF, West Virginia, Sr.
Another guy who falls under the category of “perfect fit”.
“With the twenty-eighth pick in the draft the Dallas Mavericks select……”
28. Steve Novak, SF, Marquette, Sr.
Novak is an elite shooter who can eventually fill Keith Van Horn’s role.
“With the twenty-ninth pick in the draft the franchise that never thought they’d be looking back longingly on the days of Scott Layden selects……”
29. Josh Boone, PF, UConn, Jr.
Apparently, Boone has a guarantee from some team in the first round which is why he is staying in the draft. My money is on the Knicks. Boone has an NBA body and will bang around. Unfortunately he has no offensive game whatsoever.
“With the thirtieth pick in the draft the Toronto Raptors select……”
30. Denham Brown, SF, UConn, Sr.
Brown is the only guy in the NBA Draft who will be excited about playing for the Toronto Raptors. Colangelo pulls the trigger and Brown happily returns home.
Nine more days until the NBA Draft begins. If only David Stern would move the NBA Draft to Saturday so I can freely consume a copious amount of adult beverages……..
If you have any questions or comments feel free to e-mail me at [email protected].
15 replies on “Our Look At The NBA Draft”
Comment Great article! Good analysis and it was funny too. I don’t even know that much about basketball/the draft/NCAA hoops/etc. but I feel like I learned enough to follow the draft from reading this article.
P.S. so you’re an A’s fan? What do I do when my two favorite teams are the A’s and Dodgers? Trying to decide who to root for for 17 innings killed me! (I decided to root for the A’s after they won)
Thank you! Thanks for the compliment on the article. College hoops is my favorite sport and the NBA Draft is one of my favorite spectacles. I just hope common sense finally rules and Adam Morrison goes first.
You gotta keep pulling for the A’s. The Bay Area hasn’t had a champ since the 49ers in 1994. This A’s team is our best shot in awhile. Great starting pitching, great bullpen, solid lineup 1-9. If they can begin pulling away now before Harden, Duchsherer, and Thomas come back it would make life very easy all summer.
I would LOVE…Absolutely LOVE… If the SIXERS got Marcus Williams @ #13. They’ve needed a major playmaking PG for so long.
He would be a great addition and make Iguodala a better player.
It’d be a great pick for Philly Williams is a bigger point guard as well who could flip flop with Iverson on defense. I still think Philly could be better with their parts. Marcus Williams, Allen Iverson, Andre Igoudala, Chris Webber, and Samuel Dalembert would not be a bad starting five. Especially with a guy like Kyle Korver who can be effective off the bench.
Great Article But how far will Reddick fall after his DUI?
Redick I don’t think the DUI will cause as much concern with him. He has a long body of work and a reputation as a good guy. If this were somebody more borderline it would have a bigger effect. His rumored back injury is more damaging.
I believe Redick’s pure stroke keeps him in the top 10. Houston is a perfect fit and they have been the team rumored to like him the most. With a healthy T-Mac and Yao, it makes a ton of sense to have a pure shooter like Redick out on the floor.
Great Draft Tidbit According to DraftExpress.com (an outstanding NBA Draft resource) there are six teams in the hunt in terms of trading up for Adam Morrison. They are Portland, Charlotte, Houston, Phoenix, Minnesota, and Boston.
The last name is the most intriguing to me. Wouldn’t Adam Morrison look perfect in Boston Celtics green? I’m not a Celtics fan, but I’m a fan of the game of basketball…..and Morrison to the Celtics is the definition of perfect fit. The poor man’s Larry Bird returns to the town that Bird once ruled. So many storylines there.
http://www.draftexpress.com/viewarticle.php?a=1358
Morrison = Sczerbiak It would be funny to watch those two white boys play no defense and shoot all day.
Poor Delonte would go insane.
Celts Theoretically, I think you move Szczerbiak if you get Morrison for basically the reason you alluded to. Wally has some value around the league. He can hit open jump shots. If you’re Cleveland why wouldn’t you get a guy like Wally who he can hit all day if he’s wide open. If Cleveland had somebody who could stroke from the perimeter they beat the Pistons in Round Two.
Does He? “Wally has some value around the league.”
– He and Shareef Abdur Rahim are basically cap talent. They are servicable but never help a team win and they have big cap numbers.
Wally His contract is definitely more than he is worth as a player. He still has 3 more years at a total of $36MM.
However, if you’re Cleveland how can you not consider swapping Larry Hughes for him straight up. Or if you’re Denver, Kenyon Martin for Wally is a no-brainer (especially with Martin on the books for five more years). While Wally isn’t the greatest player on Earth. He can drill open jump shots and averaged 19 a game last year.
And before you ask………I think Adam Morrison will be ten times the player Wally is. Wally isn’t the fighter Adam is. Szczerbiak is also three inches shorter and doesn’t have the handle Morrison possesses.
Larry Hughes is 10x Better than Wally Szcerbiak is a passed around journeyman. If Boston wants a broken down Kenyon Marting for Wally – it may happen but don’t kid yourself that a Wally can play with Larry Hughes.
Hughes vs. Szczerbiak Wally has only played on two teams. Minnesota and Boston. At the same time, Larry is on his fourth team as he was drafted by Philly, traded to Golden State, traded to Washington, and then signed with Cleveland. So if anybody should be considered a journeyman it is Larry Hughes.
If you look at fit for the system, the reason why Cleveland lost last year was because guys couldn’t hit open shots around LeBron. Wally has a much better chance of doing that than Larry. If you look, Wally averaged 19 a game last year on 48% from the floor. Larry averaged 15.5 pts. a game on 40% from the floor. While Larry does more than Wally in other facets of the game, that is not what Cleveland needs. The Cavs need a guy who can hit unguarded open jump shots when the defense collapses on LeBron. That’s why I pointed out Wally for Larry as an example of a trade that makes a lot of sense.
I don’t buy the argument that a player being traded around isn’t as good as a player that has only been on two teams. For example, Greg Ostertag has only been with two teams and he sucks. On the flip side, Sam Cassell has been with a lot of teams and he’s a proven winner (to a certain level.)
Larry Hughes was never a good fit in Philly because Iverson dominated the ball and aside from some highlight reel alley-oops, Hughes never got much of a shot. I think he’s found a good place in Cleveland with the Cavs.
Exceptions occur…rules are rules not laws… Sczerbiak is garbage.