Ahhhhhhhhhhh. We can finally relax knowing the calming feeling of our College Football season is with us. It’s like our pillow, very comforting, even more so if you reside in or around the Tuscaloosa or Columbus area and very UN-comforting if you’re in the booming Metropolis of Boise (we’ll get to that later.) These past two weeks have literally taught us nothing and at the same time taught us nothing; wait. Didn’t I already say that? It sounds funny but we have honestly learned nothing while getting Xed and Oed at the same time like we’re on Rex Ryan’s JV squad from Hard Knocks. I feel like I should be ranting a testimonial into the camera (looking left and right……DAMN! No camera.) Oh well. We’ll talk NFL in another column, right now we’re talking about CFB…..I mean Hell, I’m 40! I’m a MAN! Let’s get to it.
Powerhouse Final Scores Don’t Depict The Final Score: The Texas Longhorns(4), Florida Gators(7) and Oregon Ducks(6) played like High School Freshman B Teams for their first halfs. All their defenses were stifling throughout, but their offenses were, shall we say, not firing on all cylinders? They never “clicked” or starting running 100 mph until the second half. Granted….they are all with first year QB’s but you would think Powerhouses like them would be more equipped and “Showdown at High Noon Ready” than they were. Really, Oregon? I know Neyland packs 100,000+ and can be a suffocating place to play (Half of what Autzen can hold) but I should have been hammering shots at a bar at half time rather than scratching my head wondering why you are letting UT act like they have a chance. You can not let teams like Wyoming, South Florida and Tennessee stay close with you at half time because once you play USC, Oklahoma and Alabama, those teams will not let you catch a BREATH. And Holy Weekend, Oct. 2 which is also my birthday brings us (4)Texas v (9)Oklahoma and (7)Florida v (1)Alabama. Great matchups. But with what I said earlier, these teams better start watching Survirorman and learn how to use a Bow Drill during walk-throughs because if they wait until halftime to light their fire, the game will be over before it even started. Bottom Line: If this is how these teams are really going to play then they are either OVER-rated or UNDER-playing and if it’s the latter, they better put a Yao Ming-sized boot up their behind and two step to it.
College Football Logic Questions: 1+1=3. What? Okay, here we go, try to follow me on these. So Oklahoma throttles Florida State and that is putting it lightly, and Virginia Tech gets beat by James Madison??? I thought he was just a Founding Father? There’s a college named after him? Who knew. This is akin to the abortion clinic Michigan ran in 2007 when they lost to App State, if it was not for that game or Miss South Carolinawho attended said university, we would never have heard of Appalachian State or now James Madison. Which now brings me to my Mickey Mouse math, which means, I’m sorry ACC……. says that YOU suck. Jimbo’s debut at FSU was a thumping to say the least, 59-6 versus Samford. Samford, I know, but FSU might as well have worn all black to resemble a dominatrix because that is what they did; dominate. But fast forward through the week, the week in which every analyst compared Christian Ponder to Peyton Manning. “He’s this,” “He’s that.” And I admit, I thought he had the ‘it” factor too but after watching him and his fellow Seminole teammates literally give the ball to their Boomer Sooner counterparts in a 47-17 rout I now have to think twice. Demoralized. Stripped. Molested. Ravaged. Straight RAPED. I was so psyched to watch that game and by half way through the first quarter I found myself being much more entertained playing Sudoku on my couch. Thus, is Utah State thinking they would whoop FSU’s behind? Where is Utah State by the way? Doesn’t that state only have two cities; Provo and Salt Lake City? Hold Please…….phewww, thanks to Wikipedia I figured out our Mind Melt, it’s in Logan, UT, Population: Mountains. And on that: Oklahoma looked extremely unprepared for Utah State, that or they were more focused on FSU. So, how good is FSU? Maybe good enough to win the ACC but after Saturday not good enough to win the nation’s respect or even more importantly Papa Bowden’s. So, should our Potato Representatives (Bosie State for those of you not smart enough to hold a pen) get that once in million “golden potato crops” chance to play for our cherished trophy? After Saturday their sliver of a hope just got ate by the fat girl. Just crumbs left. VaTech gets embarrassed by our 4th President, JMU, which kills Boise’s SOS. If they go undefeated (which they more than likely will) this will undoubtedly hurt their “fat girl titty crumbs”chances. I can not think of a bigger blow, well, minus Hillary Duff’s. Ladies: Take Notes. Not the rock, more like the “rocking motion.” Point being: Sucks to be a Bronco fan. You want to know how bad? Virginia Tech is not only not ranked, but they did not receive a single vote in the AP poll, James Madison and Baylor beat them. Go ahead and take another shot of Cuervo. I’ll wait…..Done? Okay, good. Will you get another BCS Bowl this year? Yes. THE BCS Bowl? Negative Ghost Rider, the rankings are full. And while we’re on the ACC, how about the Hurricanes looking more like a Tropical Depression than Hurricane Andrew? Absolutely pitiful showing. Jacory threw more picks than your local bookie. Ughhhh. Georgia Tech’s quintuple option offense loses in Lawrence to the Basketball School, Kansas for those not keeping score at home. Number #12, 13, 17 and 18 all lose. And only ONE remains dangling from the rankings. So much for the ACC getting better. Atlantic Coast Conference? No, let’s go with the Almost Coherent Conference. We’re ready to sign you off life support. No, really, we are.
Thoughts Around the Nation: First thought? I want to give the entire Michigan team a haircut. Coach Ram Rod, A-Rod, K-Rod, Rod Iron, whatever his name may be is leading Big Blue (22) the right way. Denard Robinson had 502 total yards on Saturday, a record in Ann Arbor which says a lot considering the storied history they have. And Notre Dame set records the other day as well, a 95 yard pass and a stop away from being semi-relevant again. Mark my words, Notre Dame will be ranked in the Top 15 by the end of the season. Back to Michigan’s Robinson, he has 885 yards passing and running. And he will not slow down. They will go 6-0 headed towards Iowa on Oct. 16 at home and they will win. My prediction for them: 11-1. You heard it here first. I hope I’m right at least.
Moving to the gauntlet that is the SEC, I’m going to give my early Atlanta prediction first: Auburn v South Carolina. The more I watch Cameron Newton the more I like him. I love Chizik’s schemes and the personality of the team. Their bitter rival Alabama is the most solid team, yes, even without Ingram and honestly, they do not need him, Richardson is a better back and everyone pertinent to the program knows it, he was last year and never got the touches he deserved so I’m glad Mark is out so we can see how gifted this RB actually is. Defending East Champ Florida needs to start putting all their pieces together; the lack of cohesiveness is apparent, understanding to a point considering all the pieces they have had to replace, most importantly “The Messiah.” Brantley looks disheveled and is making too many mistakes and bad decisions. He can’t wait until the second half to kick it into gear once conference play starts.
It will not be this year but after watching Aaron Murray for Georgia, this kid will lead Georgia to an SEC championship or two. Throughout the year he will continue to mature, even though South Carolina’s defense owned him for most of the game he did not buckle and had a presence that I’ve seen few freshmen have.
Marcus Lattimore is one tough kid, the #1 RB in the nation last year coming out of high school he is living up the rating. He busted several TFL into positive gains and single-handedly controlled the game. My only worry about him, he will not be able to survive their schedule carrying the ball 38 times a game. Hopefully he stays healthy because if he goes down I think the Gamecocks go with him.
If it was not for a shocking come from behind win for West Virginia over Marshall which is now 0-10 versus in-state big brother the Big East would not have one Top 25 team. They are an abomination of a conference and one of their teams will get an automatic bid to a BCS game, over teams like Boise State, TCU and Utah. Hopefully the powers that be see this and fix it.
Things To Watch For This Weekend: Upcoming slate of games will be lacking the “Monster Saturday” moniker but several things to keep an eye on: Arkansas and their high-powered offense walks into Between the Hedges and has to play Georgia who will have a chip on their shoulder. If they do not apply constant pressure to Mallet he is going to own the Bulldogs the way Lattimore did last week. Last year they lost on the road to highly ranked LSU in a close game and came home to face lowly Tennessee and got embarrassed. Athens residents need to be a little concerned, Arkansas is NOT Tennessee. Oklahoma looked like a team bound for the National Championship last weekend but now they have to retool their entire defense for the option game Air Force will bring and they are playing with a lot of confidence after showing up BYU. Might be a better game than a lot of people think. Which conveniently segues into the next matchup, BYU v FSU. Both schools needed counseling after being completely unprepared against Air Force and OU. It will be to good to see if they both come in pissed or still hung-over from their beatings. Out west, the matchup I’m looking forward to most is Locker versus the Nebraska defense. If Locker wants to solidify his status as one of the nation’s best QB’s, this is the game to do it. Will he? I doubt it. Iowa has a tough schedule this year and this week is no cakewalk going to Tucson. Nick Foles and Arizona will be ready and could easily walk away at the end of the game upsetting the Hawkeyes. Even though it will not be a traditional upset because Arizona is much better than they are given credit for. If Stanzi does not carry the team the entire night it will be a long flight back to Iowa City and no one will be waiting at the airport applauding. Better saddle up partner! Texas has looked sloppy on offense for the better part of their two games but Saturday he has to make a visit to Lubbock. If Gilbert and the Longhorns do not come out of the gate quickly they can kiss that Crystal football goodbye, again. Alabama plays Duke and Oregon plays Portland State, how many combined points do you think they score? 100 is easily within reach.
It’s been a good two weeks of football and hopefully like Case Keenum from UH the season gets better. Some huge matchups await and the way the season has gone some letdowns as well. We’ll leave it to the ACC for those. They seem to be pretty good at letting us down. That seems like a good place to leave it this week. See ya soon!
Much Sports Love,