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College Football

Hell Freezes Over

Look, I know this weekend’s “Game of the Week” is the Ohio State vs. Texas matchup, and for good reasons. But, obviously, there is a sleeper game in Week Two of the 2006-07 College Football season. The Fighting Irish of Notre Dame will host the Nittany Lions of Penn State, while at the same time marking the renewal of an ancient rivalry that is ready to kick off like a bat out of hell. It’s not so much of the game I’d like to inform you about in this column. Instead, I would like to pick my ways with the “experts” of America, mainly targeting the entire ESPN College Football GameDay crew, while also including Mark May (who now has his own segment on the Sunday SportsCenters, entitled “May Day”??). Please enjoy the following presentation and feel free to leave your own comments and rants for Week Two of The Great Notre Dame Football Show, I mean… excuse me, College Football.If I had more time and more knowledge than just inside my shell of Nittany Lion football, I’d gladly share my thoughts with you. But the reality is I don’t have that much time, even though I am a seventeen year old senior in High School with a cakewalk of classes. I honestly could really care less about anyone or anything that doesn’t affect the Blue and White. So that’s why I write for SC. That is why I look at every single comment, so I can learn and actually try and hold a meaningful conversation. I read all of the great blogs written everyday to keep up with daily sporting events.

And then on Saturdays or during an 11 PM SportsCenter session, I get to witness America’s finest anchors and “expert” analysts for each of their respective sports. Through the first seventeen years of my life, the only person I have ever had any respect for is the great Peter Gammons. So most of the time, I am suffering through hearing the likes of Stuart Scott, Stephen A. Smith, y’all, and Chris Berman and his ridiculous sayings on the mic.

But if one “groupie” of individuals stands out as bad beyond all reason, then it is the ESPN College GameDay Crew. For those of you who don’t know, the show now airs starting at 10 AM every single Saturday, with the location of the show pending on the marquee matchups of the week. The “Fab Three” consists of Chris Fowler, my personal favorite Kirk “Herbie” Herbstreit, and Mr. Lee Corso, who is the only original member left from when the show first hit the air in 1987.

So for two hours, every Saturday, from now until January, “we” fans have the unbelievable opportunity to watch these three morons speak their minds. It is one of those shows that as much as I hate it, I watch it anyways, just so I have something to talk about. And it is honestly great to hear how much these guys suck up to the “money” teams of America.

That is why I watch.

I wait for opportunities, like the upcoming one on Saturday, to listen to these three douchebags bad talk good teams into their own little corner, and then have these same teams come out on top and shock Herbie so much, he doesn’t know what to say during post game coverage.

Even then, believe me even then, one of those dorks will find a way to make excuses for their beloved teams, making them sound even more idiotic than before.

I haven’t even gotten to Mr. May yet. But I will say with confidence, I really think him and Herbie could be gay together. And I don’t even have a problem with gay people, but I think those two would make a cute couple.

In order from worst to really, really bad:

1.    Herbie
2.    May
3.    Corso
4.    Fowler

Those are my four targets, my hit list. I was thinking of trying to get in touch with Don “Vito” Corleone to see if he could finish them all off for me, without leaving a trace behind.

Now back to reality. Even if you don’t like to watch shows such as GameDay, I am asking you, begging you, to please watch just this weekend. One time, that’s all I ask. I want everyone in this community to see all four of these men exposed at some point before the Notre Dame vs. Penn State game, and then again after the Nittany Lions pull off the “upset”. For extras you can watch their segments on the OSU vs. Texas match up. That should be fun to watch also.

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I’m sure these men are very much respected within their business, but the fact is they all don’t speak before they talk, and they all give you information without really exploring the other parts of the college world. It’s just three or four teams they are always focused on, and then all of their information stems off from what these teams do and how they perform.

I can guarantee, four days before the 3:30 PM kickoff that all three of the GameDay members, also inserting Mark May, will pick the Fighting Irish to defeat Penn State.

Why?

“Because Norte Dame has such a high powered offense it can’t be stopped!” says Lee Corso with an exceptional amount of enthusiasm. And then Herbie will add in a more professional manner, “You know Lee you are absolutely correct, but it is the great coaching of Mr. Charlie Weis and the great job his staff has done to prepare his team for today’s game that will be the difference in this game.” And finally, Fowler will butt in and say, “Well, those look like two confident picks. I guess Joe Paterno and his squad will have their work cut out for them in just a couple of hours.”

And then that’s when I will lose it.

Tell me that is not one of the most ridiculous things you, as a reader, has ever been presented? And the sad truth is this very well could be the same conversation these three have between each other come Saturday.

Then, reluctantly, these three men will finally have to speak on Penn State’s behalf.

I can see it now.

Lee: “How much longer will JoePa be pacing the sidelines after the Irish destroy any hope of Penn State having a winning year in 2006?!”

Herbie: “You’re right again Lee, as well as Penn State played last year, their schedule this year is just too tough and it doesn’t look good for JoePa and the Nittany Lions. I think the Irish win this game with ease and Penn State will need to really look elsewhere, maybe a few major changes on offense, if they look to be successful this season.”

Fowler: “I’m going to agree with both of you because it just looks like Norte Dame is just too good to be beaten.”

This is all just the beginning. I didn’t even get into the Quinn/Morelli talk, or the new offensive lines and secondaries for both teams. Or who has the better wide receivers. But I can assure you, every edge will be given out to the Irish on Saturday, with the exception of the linebackers. Poz and company have that covered the entire year.

And then, whenever Mark May makes an appearance, which I’m sure he will, look for him to pick the Irish and bad talk Penn State all he can while on camera.

But when the Nittany Lions come out on top Saturday in South Bend, when they shock everyone but themselves and their fans, don’t be surprised to see Herbie and his gang continue to make the Irish out to be God, and leave a line such as, “that was just a very good win for Penn State but I still think Norte Dame in the end, will be the better team.”

I’ve seen it happen before. It will happen again.

Once victory happens for Penn State, it will be such a shock to the GameDay crew that the infamous line given by Eagles member Don Henley, “Hell Freezes Over,” will once again resurface. Henley used that line back in the 1980s when asked if there was any chance the band would ever get back together again.

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When they did, in 1994, the title of their new album was given that name. The same will hold true for this great match up. No one expects it to happen. But then again, it still seems as if people underestimate the power of Joe Paterno and Penn State Football.

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Until Saturday this is Colin Cerniglia saying so long, and good luck to the college football teams of your choice. Don’t let the GameDay crew, Mark May included, sway any of you gamblers in any way with their “knowledge”. Don’t forget to watch GameDay at 10 AM EST. Finally, make sure every reader on here turns on NBC at 3:30 to watch the great battle unfold; I can assure you it will be a dandy. Thanks for reading; I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

PREDICTIONS:

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Lee Corso: ND 49 PSU 27
Kirk “Herbie” Herbstreit: ND 42 PSU 10
Chris Fowler: ND 35 PSU 21
Mark May: ND 51 PSU 17
Colin Cerniglia: The Fighting Dobermen 17 The Nittany Lions 24

Both teams have the ability to put up big points, but both teams will get excellent performances from their defense and there will be one or two big plays that will end up being the, “Pontiac Game Changing Performance” for the week of 9/04.

You heard it here first.

Copyright ©2006 Colin Cerniglia. All Rights Reserved.

8 replies on “Hell Freezes Over”

Vin, I put this column under College, College Football. I thought maybe it would go under satire but I think those two fit better. If it’s wrong could you please just let me know and I will fix it. Thanks.

awesome Spot-on fake quotes for the Gameday gang. I could really picture them saying that. I do think that you were a litte too harsh in your analysis, but I do think the Gameday crew is going downhill. Lee Corso is entertaining but doesn’t seem to know anything about football. Kirk is all right as an announcer but below average as a pregame host. And Fowler brings nothing to the table. Nothing. Good job!

this column — you fucking suck, cerning

your columns blow, and you are just an allaround terrible writer

penn state sucks cock

get off of this website

go choke on a cow dick

What an intelligent… reply Anonymous Fan!  You really, really have the gift for gab…

Personally, I hope that Penn St. knocks the crap out of the “Irish” on saturday (it is now less than two hours until game time).  And not because I am a Penn St. fan.  Nope.  It is because like most everyone I know who follows football, I am sick and freakin’ tired of the “we love you” press coverage ND recieves week in and week out.  If there has ever been a more over-hyped team in history, someone will have to prove it me.  The one term that fits ND is the one you will never hear the press use… “OVERRATED!”  

Scoreboard Did you look at it Saturday evening?  And then tune in to Sportscenter, or check out und.com to get the recap, stats and other game info?

Go-o-o-o-o IRISH!

haha damn irish fans. i didn’t need to check the scoreboard saturday evening, i suffered through watching the entire game.

see this is the kind of thing that makes me upset. i knew someone could expose ND. i just thought it would be penn state, not scUM.

i didn’t think the great brady looked very well last week either. penn state just plain out played bad.

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