Friday Free For All: "Invincible" movie review

As a service for the Sportscolumn community, I went to the 11:30 AM showing of Invincible today. Who am I kidding, if I wasn’t going to write a review for SC, I’d have seen the 2:30 showing anyway. As an Eagles fan, I am obligated to see the movie. What’s the population of the Delaware Valley? 6 million people? Multiply by $9… Invincible is guaranteed to bring in at least $50M just from the Philly area alone.

In the first thirty seconds of Invincible, you know exactly what you’re going to get. First comes the Walt Disney logo as clue number 1. Then comes the montage of blue collar Philadelphia in the 70’s: row homes, unemployed steel mill workers, broken down old men, all lighted and filtered to indicate how depressing Philadelphia was. And you know — you know — that out of that dreariness will come a “feel good story for the ages”.

Here’s the plot synopsis (and I’m hardly spoiling anything): Vince Papale is a bartender / substitute school teacher that can run and has lots of heart and character. Dick Vermeil, the new coach of the Eagles, announces open tryouts for the team. Defying all odds, Vince makes the team. Along the way, we learn how about the grit and determination of Papale (and by extension Philadelphians) as he gets knocked down again and again but rises back up to fulfill his dreams.

We have highs, we have lows, we have an appropriate score (music and on the field). It’s completely formulaic. But somehow it absolutely works. It’s basically Rocky mixed with Rudy. I’ll admit it, I fell complete victim to the formula. When Vince is told he has made the team, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. The woman sitting half a row away might have been sobbing. I haven’t cried in a movie since ET but damn do those Disney folks know what they’re doing.

Mark Wahlberg (who has steadily morphed into a very good actor despite my assertion that he should have been shot for putting out “Good Vibrations”) is completely believable as Vince Papale. There will be no academy awards for his performance but he did the role justice, which is about all he could do. It didn’t call for great acting, it just called for someone to wince as necessary and be the underdog. And of course, he had the perfect 70’s hair. (Speaking of which, I defy you to watch the scene where he looks at himself in the mirror and not expect him to pull his unit out.)

Now, as a Philadelphia native and Eagles fan, it’s a little hard for me to review this movie objectively. You cannot be an Eagles fan and not get goosebumps when the fellas at the bar yell out E-A-G-L-E-S! When they show that old footage of the Eagles in their Kelly green uniforms, it’s impossible not to get chills. Mostly I like empty movie theaters but I wished I was at a packed screening somewhere in the Philly area as I imagine the whole crowd singing along to the Eagles fight song.

I’ll break down my rating for this movie into three categories.

Eagles fans: this is a must see movie. A+
Football/sports fans: Worth seeing if you like rooting for the underdog. B+
General moviegoer: Top of your netflix queue. B-

Finally, this film is “Inspired by the true story of Vince Papale”, which means they take certain liberties with it. Forget all of that. Just enjoy it for what it is. However, I need to point out something from the gaffe department. During the Eagles-Giants game, after the first kickoff, look for a scene when Vermeil is giving instructions to a player. The player is wearing a headband with the new Eagles logo on it!

And now… the rest of the Friday Free For All

2. Speaking of formulas, let’s talk about the Phillies. The Phillies have been on a tear lately and find themselves only 1.5 games out of the Wild Card race. But haven’t we all seen this movie before? We know how this is going to end. The last game of the season, the Phils will either need to win or need someone else to lose and… well, see you next spring. But the problem is that we’ll keep watching and hoping for a different ending. It’s exactly how I felt about Syriana when I saw it the second time. Despite all logic, you expect a different ending but you’ll never get it.

3. If ESPN really wanted to drive home the point that sideline reporters are useless, we have both Suzie Sunshine Kolber AND Michele the troll Tafoya. “Let’s throw it down to Suzie/Michele” means it’s time to go check your fantasy scores.

4. I know BostonMac is not going to like this but I root for the Yankees over the Red Sox now. There was a time when I’d have rooted for a team coached by Mike Nolan Hitler over the Yanks but since 2004, I’ve been rooting against the Red Sox. And it’s all about the obnoxious fans. The Red Sox used to be the lovable scrappy underdog but now all of the sudden the massholes are louder and “lifelong” fans are coming out of the woodwork. Look, just cause you put it through the dishwasher a few times doesn’t mean you’ve had that green Boston hat since 1982.

Here’s the way I see it. Yankees fans are every bit as obnoxious and there will never be a team with more bandwagoners than the Yankees. But over the years, we’ve all be inoculated against that strain of virus so that they’re about as annoying as the common cold. But in 2004, the World Champion Red Sox unleashed a whole new strain onto the sports world. I’ll take a dose of the common flu over the new Boston Flu anytime.

5. Finally, we have our google search term of the week. People find Sportscolumn through a variety of methods and it’s usually very amusing to see how they get here. But this week, I found a very disturbing keyword in the logfiles. Listen, I’m not sure who is searching for this but we DO NOT cover “cycling ass hair”.