Everyone has something they don’t like. Whether it be cancer, sewer rats, conservatives, etc. each person has something that they avoid whenever possible. Unfortunately for most Major League Baseball players, that poison of existence happens to be reading. Yes, While a big-leaguer can read a 70 mph curveball rocketing towards them in a fraction of a second, they don’t quite have the time, energy, brain power, or whatever it may be to sit down and slog through “Civil Disobedience”, or even the classic “Everybody Poops”.
Example: in a recent Sports Illustrated athlete poll known as the “pop culture grid”, two of the four athletes interviewed were MLB players. When asked what book they were currently reading, one replied with “don’t read books”, and the other apparently took his fist out of his mouth to manage a simple “don’t read”. It’s no wonder George Bush threw out the first pitch of this season – he was apparently associating with his ilk (perhaps he should’ve thrown out a chew toy instead of a baseball – would’ve spared the formality).
Example: in Michael Lewis’ Moneyball, a young Lenny Dykstra told Billy Beane, who was reading at the time, “Dude, you shouldn’t be doing that. That sh–‘ll ruin your eyes.” Beane later said that “Lenny’s attitude was: I’m going to do nothing that will interfere with getting to the big leagues, including learning.” Great! Why should’nt we give kids a role model who thinks there are 27 letters in the alphabet (x, y, AND z – that’s four letters, right?) when the little buggers don’t want to learn anyway?
But rather than be chastised for their practice of illiteracy, baseball players get off scot-free. James Russell Lowell once said, “Wealth may be an excellent thing, for it means power, and it means leisure, it means liberty.” Thus, baseball players (average salary for 2006: $2,866,544) are quite independent of disdain from the American public (2000 Census average household income: $41,994). Nobody’s going to call out a player like Alex Rodriguez ($25,680,727 in 2006) for not picking up so much as “Bobby Baseball” (excerpt: “Dad says I have baseball in my blood. I know he’s right. I think about baseball a lot. Like most of the time. I also dream about baseball. Even when I am awake”).
But don’t expect anything to change. Baseball players are only getting richer, and therefore less dependent on things such as reading, being a productive member of society, etc. This year’s average salary was up 8.9% from last year, and team values rose 15%. But according to Forbes.com, in 2004 (the last year Forbes has data for all four major American sports leagues) the average value of all MLB teams was second to last ($152.26 million), only above the then-wilting NHL ($130.84 million). The NBA ($180.5 million) and NFL ($254.28 million) highly overshadowed the MLB. So if the league was to have a lockout, it looks like the players would have to pick up the classifieds and read some job ads. Without their guaranteed contracts, we would have quite a few more plumbers and Starbucks baristas (how gratifying would it be to tell Roger Clemens your coffee is too cold? “Serve up some heat for once, Roger!”). And with the U.S. team failing to qualify for the 2004 Athens Games, the future of pro baseball players might be a little bleak. Why?
No baseball in the Special Olympics.
One reply on “Diamonds Aren’t for Reading”
2 mistakes Yes, While a big-leaguer can read a 70 mph curveball rocketing towards them in a fraction of a second, they don’t quite have the time, energy, brain power, or whatever it may be to sit down and slog through “Civil Disobedience”, or even the classic “Everybody Poops”.
— while, right after Yes, should be a lower-case “w”.
Why should’nt we give kids a role model who thinks there are 27 letters in the alphabet (x, y, AND z – that’s four letters, right?) when the little buggers don’t want to learn anyway?
— should’nt… i think you mean shouldn’t.