Mario Lemieux Celebrity Invitational- through a Volunteer’s Eyes

Ever wonder what it’s like to be 14 years old and be with three celebrities for a whopping 18 holes of boring… long… golf?

Did I mention this was for community service?…In the summer of 2004, I volunteered at the annual Mario Lemieux Celebrity Golf Invitational. Forget the glitz and glamour, the riches and bling, and the excuse of a sport- golf- that I witnessed for one minute. I learned some vital life lessons, such as time management, responsibility, and that celebrities are spoiled brats that whine over the smallest things.

    The first morning, I woke up around 6 AM, earlier than I arise for school. The reason for this was what the older suck-ups (excuse me, “volunteers”) called “the bag pack.” The bag pack consisted of me walking around in a makeshift assembly line, filling duffel bags with souvenirs easily worth over $150. These bags went to the celebrities (hey, the rich get richer- how about that?) that are taking place in the grueling activity of… golf. The community needed me- I was their answer- yes, lucky me.  This took close to six- yes, six- hours. After the ever anticipated bag pack, all of the younger volunteers went on to putting together the visual scorecards which the standard bearers (that’s me!) carry around for 18 holes of “FORE,” “GET IN THE HOLE,” and “SHHH!” As you can see I don’t golf, or enjoy watching it. Making the score cards was much more entertaining than the bag pack. I was with a bunch of my friends, and we were eagerly anticipating the draw of which celebrity threesome (not that kind of threesome, sicko) we would get to walk around with. When the time came for the drawing, the butterflies kicked in- at least for the dorks with no people skills whatsoever. I didn’t care who I would end up with, as long as one of them stood at 6’6″, was bald, played for the Chicago Bulls and wore #23. Just kidding. I actually did care who I got, I didn’t want to be stuck with guys who were way too into it and acted like I wasn’t even there. All of the older people who volunteered years before said the common things, such as “Hopefully you don’t get Jim McMahon, he’s a jerk,” and “Hockey players are usually the nicest guys.” And then one comment just stunned me. None other than the one person who I would probably most like to get, Lynn Swann, was dissed. Some overweight woman said that he was a “conceited a——.” Well, that did it. All I wanted was to be in Lynn Swann’s grouping. When it came down to it, the good Lord heard my prayer. Some computer nerd got Michael Jordan, and I, I was with Lou Holtz, Jack Marin and Lynn Swann. All three men treated me great, by hole #3 we were making fun of each other’s shots and having a blast. Each time I saw the other kids that had my same job, they looked like they were star-struck. They walked around with embarrassed looks on their faces and looked about as comfortable as Shaq sitting in coach. Lynn Swann was quite possibly one of the nicest men there, but my favorite was the NBA Hall of Famer, Jack Marin. We not only talked about sports, but also family issues and why it’s important to get an education. Not only did I serve my community, but I also learned life lessons from these “conceited” celebrities. In addition to scorekeeping, I helped clean up and put away all supplies after the tournament. The whole event paid off greatly (cashing in $1.2 million), with all proceeds benefiting the Mario Lemieux Foundation and their charities. And the overweight lady? She didn’t enjoy her time with Michael Jordan. Too bad for me. I was stuck with the “conceited a——.”