Mullin’s Twelve

         NBA training camps don’t open for a few more weeks, but Chris Mullin wasn’t about to let that stand in his way.  His  Golden State Warriors ended last season on a positive note, lending more promise to the 2005-06 season than any before it in the past decade.  But to reestablish the chemistry of last year’s team, Mullin knew his players would need as much time as possible together.  So he decided to round all of them up in person, several weeks early, and he recounted his efforts to me so that I could publish them on my website.  Why me, you ask?  Well, Mully and I have shared a special bond ever since my 7th grade season in CYO basketball, when I was voted “Player Most Likely to Make Chris Mullin Gag in Horror”.  That kind of bond doesn’t just fade away with time.          The first stop on Mullin’s Warrior odyssey was Bloomington, Indiana, heart of Hoosier territory and the home of Indiana University.  Mully told me about his trip to a modest-looking apartment complex, located in a student housing area.  I asked him if he was making a brief scouting trip before scooping up his players, and his mood suddenly changed.

        “There’s something you need to understand.  The psyche of an NBA player is a very fragile thing.  If you’re not careful, all the pressure and stress of this business can make you lose it.  When you fail, there’s so few people you can rely on for support- these guys only have 11 co-workers.  Some people just never recover.  Like Calbert Cheaney.  Calbert was National Player of the Year in college back in 1993.  He beat out guys like Chris Webber and Jamal Mashburn for the award- it was a pretty big deal at the time.  He was Big Man on Campus at Indiana, and you know how they are about their basketball out there.  But Cal was never able to really take full advantage of his talent at the NBA level.  Consequently, he psychologically regressed to the point that…..how can I say this….Calbert Cheaney still thinks it’s 1993.”

        “People in Washington just kept pushing him and pushing him, and the expectations were just too much.  Calbert is a private man.  He wasn’t ready for everything that comes along with life as a top draft pick.  In his mind, he slowly worked his way back in time until he arrived at 1993, which was the pinnacle of his life.  He just sits around in his campus apartment and pretends he’s still a student at Indiana.  It’s a little like the movie ‘Groundhog Day’, actually.  He still goes to all of the classes he took senior year, and he attends every Hoosier practice.  Everyone out there is still supportive of him, so they’re completely accepting of his condition.  Good people, out there in Indiana.”

        “Anyway, in his heart, the man really does think it’s 1993.  He spends his time playing SEGA Genesis, listening to Guns N’ Roses, and taking care of his Geo Storm.  The walls of his apartment are covered in newspaper clippings from the early 90’s chronicling his feats at Indiana.  Every time I go out there, he’s watching ’93 highlight tapes of himself and pointing out why his below-the-rim game is perfectly suited for the NBA.  ‘Too athletic’, he always says.  He thinks his lack of athleticism and jumping ability will catch teams off-guard and he’ll be able to lull his opponents to sleep.”

        “To get him out to Oakland, I have to tell him we’re holding a pre-draft workout for him.  Games are a little harder, but we just tell him that we’ve worked out a special arrangement with the NBA that allows him to compete as long as he takes it easy, in order to avoid any injuries which would affect his draft position.  That’s why he only shoots mid-range jumpers.”

        Mully assured me that only a select few actually know about poor Calbert’s condition, which is how he’s been able to maintain his delusion for so long.  Mullin signed Cheaney to a contract only after Jerry Sloan assured him that Calbert was fit to play, as long as the locker room was kept free of modern technology like DVD players and post-Zack Morris cell phones.  After such a delicate recruiting trip, Mullin told me that he was ready for something a little more relaxing.  In search of a more mellow, low-key atmosphere, Chris traveled to Tempe, Arizona.

        “As you know, Ike Diogu was our first-round draft pick this year.  We’re expecting big things out of this kid.  Unfortunately, it seems like a lot of other people are, too.  Ike told me to meet him at a house in Tempe, but when I got there no one answered the door.  I could hear noise in the backyard, so I knew someone was home.  I walked around to the back, where there was a swimming pool.  Just as I got there, Ike was being let down from a keg stand.  He had about 12 co-eds surrounding him, and they were cheering him like keg stands were an Olympic event.  I mean, he was living like a king, happy as a clam.  He wasn’t even surprised to see me.  He told me he had a 4-footer in the house, and asked if I wanted to ‘toke’.  This guy was not trying to leave college.  But hey, if you went to Arizona State and suddenly became a millionaire, would you want to leave?  I went to St. John’s- I had to crawl out of snow half the year.  These girls he was hanging out with look like they spend 4 hours a day indoors, if that.  I had to drag Ike away from there kicking and screaming.”

        Wow, so much for relaxation, I said.  Where do you go after that?  You must have needed some kind of stability after dealing with Cheaney and Diogu.

        “Exactly.  Which is why I went looking for Derek Fisher.  He’s a solid NBA vet, just an absolute rock.  So I went over to Fish’s place.  Now, as anyone who’s watched the NBA in recent years can tell you, D-Fish is the master of the buzzer-beater.  He doesn’t need any kind of time at all- just give him the ball and he’ll launch it.  He won a game for us against Milwaukee at the buzzer last season, and we all know about that 0.4-second shot against San Antonio in the playoffs.  They’ll be showing that one forever.  Fish has a quick trigger.  Unfortunately, Derek is lightning-quick at a lot of things, and this causes problems in his home life.  Derek’s wife feels that Fish is a little too quick in certain areas, you follow?”

        “Well, Derek’s explanation is that he does everything as quickly as possible, just on instinct.  So his wife times him.  For instance, he has 2.1 minutes each morning to eat his cereal.  He has 38 seconds to get dressed in the morning, and 29 seconds to shower.  I mean, she has his routine down to a science.  She’s testing him, to see if he’s genuine when he says he’s quick under pressure.  Fish turned out to be the easiest guy to get to camp, though.  Only took him 22 minutes to get him on a plane, and 13 minutes for him to get to the practice facility once he landed.  Like I said, Fish is quick.”

         While Derek Fisher is extremely fast in all aspects of life, the next player Mullin checked in on is a slow-moving project who tests the patience of everyone he comes into contact with.  The Warriors’ attempts to turn Adonal Foyle into an NBA-caliber center have spanned a decade now, and some within the organization have given up all hope on the Colgate alum.  But not Mullin.

        “From the day he entered the league, Adonal has worked so hard to get better.  I really admired him as a teammate, and now as a G.M.  He’s always been a great defender, but offense just isn’t something that comes naturally to him.  So this summer, I decided to send him to the best center I’ve ever played with or against.  Every generation has one standout athlete.  People my grandfather’s age will tell you that Jim Thorpe was the greatest athlete of all-time, or at least the best they remember.   For my kids, it’s probably Tiger Woods.  Me?  I tell everyone that the greatest athlete I ever saw was Felton Spencer.  Felton was a world-class basketball player, but really, he could have been anything.  You just don’t see that kind of size, speed, and strength combined in one person.  He could have done anything.  You remember Superman II, where the three super-aliens come down to take over Earth?  Felton could have done that.  He was that good.  So I sent Adonal to work with Felton Spencer this offseason, to try and refine his moves in the low post.”

        “The first few weeks, it was rough.  Adonal’s footwork was all wrong, he shot with the wrong hand….the man was just lost.  I kept in constant contact with Felton throughout the process, and I asked him how difficult this was going to be.  Felton said it was like trying to teach a giraffe how to surf.  But one thing Adonal has always had is a superior work ethic.  And by the end of the summer, Felton told me he’d molded Adonal into one of the best backup centers in the NBA.  I told Big Spence that Foyle was actually our starting center, and Felton hung up the phone.  I think that meant he felt Adonal was ready.”

        Well, time will tell, I guess.  I know most Warriors fans are a bit skeptical of Adonal’s skills, be they offensive skills, nun chucks skills, bow staff skills, whatever.  But if Felton Spencer thinks he’s ready, who am I to argue?  Who did you grab after Adonal?

        “I went to Estonia.  That’s where Andris Biedrins, Zarko Cabarkapa, and Nikoloz Tskitishvili live.  None of them are actually from Estonia, but they wanted to live in the most-Eastern European-sounding country possible, so they moved there.  They’re just kids, that’s their sense of humor.  The three of them bought a castle, but once Skita signed with Minnesota, Andris and Zarko made him move to the opposite wing of the estate.”

        “They live like children; they have a go-kart track for their Porsches, they have hardwood indoor hoop courts where stately dining rooms used to be, and they turned the castle’s moat into a giant hot tub.  When I arrived, I knew I was at the right place because there were three 20-foot statues of each of them crushing skyscrapers, eating tanks, and cutting to the front of the line for bread.  They even hired a maid to braid Zarko’s back hair.  I’m a little afraid of what will happen once they meet Diogu.”

        Sounds like it will be a fun locker room, at least.  Wow.  Where do you go from there?  I mean, no player is topping that.

        “Well, yes and no.  While certainly not as eye-catching, Michael Dunleavy has actually had a pretty interesting offseason.  He’s been playing pickup games with other coach’s kids- I think he’s playing with Bryce Drew, Saul Smith, Mike Bibby, and Dan Grunfeld.  These kids play wherever there’s a game.  A couple weeks ago, they were running at the Rucker for days on end.  Actually, when I went to go get Mike, their team was in the finals of a prison league.  Mike’s team lost, but only because the officiating was so tight.  These inmates just couldn’t stand their physical style of play.  A couple times, Mike got called for illegal picks.”

        “The inmates were a bunch of babies- they even wrote letters to the warden the night before the game, telling him to watch out for Dunleavy and Drew went they went up for rebounds.  They were claiming that Mike and Bryce were using their brute physical strength to manhandle teams underneath the basket.  For being such tough guys, those prisoners sure did complain a lot.  I think Mike was actually getting a little bored playing those games.  I think he’s anxious to get to camp and start playing against some players who can match his toughness.”

        Sure, I can certainly understand that.  I played in a prison league once, and it definitely throws your game off.  They use the European key, which takes some getting used to.  And they practice together every day, so they’re a pretty cohesive unit by the time the games roll around.  What was the next stop on your trip?

        “Los Angeles, the city of angels.  Baron Davis lives down there, and he’s pretty much the mayor.  Everyone loves the guy.  If the Lakers ever got their hands on him, he’d be pure gold to the people down there.  But I think he was suffering from the same thing as Dunleavy- it looked to me like Baron was getting a little bored.   That’s because Mickael Pietrus spent the summer in L.A., and he followed Baron everywhere he went.  I’m talking everywhere: to the hoops courts, to the gym, to the grocery store, everywhere.  Baron even had to add a sidecar to his Ferrari and one of those pull-out beds to his own bed.  You know the ones that lie on the floor and hide back underneath the bed when you’re done?  Yeah, one of those.”  

        “If Baron is the King of L.A., Pietrus made it his goal to become the Prince.  When Baron went to hang out with The Game, Pietrus would hang out with Game’s hypeman.  Mickael even tried to grow a beard like Baron, but because he’s French, it just came out as a wispy little moustache.  I think Baron’s itching to get back to Oakland and have his teammates act as a buffer between him and Pietrus.  It’s like having a puppy that doesn’t grow into a dog.”

        Man, this must have been exhausting, trying to round all these guys up.

        “Yeah, but after Baron and Pietrus, I got to come home.  Jason Richardson was next on my list, but he’s been here all summer working on his game.  I love Jason; he’s always been an exciting player, but now he’s actually got the skills to match his explosiveness.  He’s not just a pogo stick anymore.  I think he’s going to have a breakout year.  And when I say breakout, I’m talking Gregg Popovich-in-high school level breakout.”

        Wow, that sounds serious.  He certainly seemed to be more comfortable once Baron arrived.

        “He did.  And so did Troy Murphy.  He’s been in Oakland all summer as well, but he works out below our practice facility, in a gym 5 floors underground.  Murph doesn’t like to let any light touch him, so he works out down there.  He’s been working on his half-court jumpers all summer, so he should be ready for the upcoming season.  That’s what I love about Murph; he doesn’t let the fact that he’s a 6’11” power forward deter him from playing on the perimeter.  The man just keeps getting further and further away from the basket, and you know me, I was an outside shooter when I played.  I love guys who can knock it down from the outside.”

        “One thing Troy does need to work on, though, is his passing.  I’ll tell you a story from last season.  When Troy received his contract extension, we had a big photo-op in my office.  Troy signed the contract, and instead of handing me the pen so I could sign the deal, he shot the pen over my head into a waste basket behind my desk.  Later that night, I took him out to dinner to celebrate, just the two of us.  I was telling Troy about how much the team was counting on him, and how important he was to this franchise.  In the middle of talking to him, I asked him to pass me the salt.  He looked me in the eye, faked like he was going to pass the salt to his left, then ran past me and dunked the salt shaker in a light fixture in the middle of the restaurant.  Murph just has something inside of him that won’t allow him to pass; it’s definitely something he needs to work on.  After his half-court jumpers, of course.”

        Of course.  However, I couldn’t help but notice that when we started talking, you mentioned that you rounded up 12 players.  You’ve already told me about 11 guys.  But didn’t the Warriors draft 2 players in the second round this year?  Monta Ellis and Chris Taft, right?  Wouldn’t that make 13?

        “You’re absolutely right, and kudos to you for catching that.  Most NBA G.M.’s wouldn’t use words like ‘kudos’, but I do.  Most NBA G.M.’s didn’t lead the Dream Team in scoring, either.  But enough about that.  Ellis and Taft.  We thought we were going to have a tough roster decision there, but it actually became pretty easy for us.  That’s because Chris Taft actually ate Monta Ellis.  Taft slipped in the draft because of laziness and weight problems, and he was starting to make strides right after we drafted him.  But then we introduced him to Monta at a rookie photo shoot, and Chris thought Monta was the live human he’d been accustomed to eating back when he was at Pitt.  See, they used to keep him chained in a basement and toss him live midgets to keep him satiated between games.  Well, Monta is a pretty small guy, and Chris had been pretty well conditioned to eat smaller people, so that ended that.”

        “But we haven’t given up on Monta Ellis.  We’re actually very impressed with Monta’s play so far.  They’ve been running 5-on-5 pickup games inside of Taft all summer, and Monta has been running the point pretty effectively.  Remember, he was a shooting guard in high school.  Tyus Edney is the other point guard in there, and Monta has held his own against him thus far.  It’s a little  like Pinocchio and Geppetto swimming around inside Monstro the Whale.”

        Well, you certainly have to admire Monta’s dedication.  Once I was done talking to Mully, I was feeling pretty good about Golden State’s chances in ’05-’06.  Certainly, any team that’s willing to re-assemble before training camp must get along pretty well.  But was this just an employee feeding me the company line?  There was no way Mullin could be objective about a team that he built himself.  I needed an impartial judge, someone who had been to the mountaintop and knew exactly what it took to get there.  Only one person came to mind, so I asked him:

        “Sure, playoffs, whatever.  Just keep Adonal the hell away from me.” – Felton Spencer

        There you have it, folks, from no less an expert than the greatest athlete of the modern era.  At long last, the Golden State Warriors are playoff-bound.