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New York Yankees

The Trot Nixon situation

I’ve been kept awake thinking of how to write about the latest round of prepubescent bitching between the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees.
So here’s a quick note to each party involved:

TROT NIXON: For some reason, you don’t seem to think that Alex Rodriguez is a proper Yankee. Is it because you got in a fight in Fenway? You know what I’m talking about- the one where you, Gabe Kapler and David Ortiz took Yankee pitcher Tanyon Sturtze to the ground. Or is it because his home’s on Fifth rather than Commonwealth? And then A-Rod had to go and hit the ball out of Bronson Arroyo’s hand in Game 6 of the ALCS. Trot, for a World Series winner you’re behaving like a World Class loser. Why?

Why tell A-Rod that he’s “not a proper Yankee”?  Because A-Rod didn’t win his ring in his first year with the Yankees? Trot, I’ve got news for you- nor did Don Mattingly. And if you are going to say that Don Mattingly wasn’t a “proper Yankee” because he didn’t win a ring, then you live in a very sad world.
Jeez, I know A-Rod had some words about how he works out while you are taking the kids to school, and he was wrong. In my book, kids are first and baseball is second. But you made yourself look like a 3 year-old saying what you said.

REST OF THE BOSTON RED SOX:  Boys, congratulations on winning your first World Series in 86 years. You gave a ton of old people a reason to live all the way through 2004, and when you get to heaven you’ll have to hold a press conference to answer this question from billions of others: “Why in the hell couldn’t you have done it sooner?” Including your very own Ted Williams. But why do you darken your Series win by packing together like a bunch of junior highers and start yelling at A-Rod? You’ve already beaten the crap out of him once, for Pete’s sake.
Were you trying to spark a war of words with the Yankees? Because, unless my media sources are incorrect, you failed miserably and ended up looking childish. Saying that, I’m not really surprised bearing in mind that your GM Theo Epstein called the Yankees the “Evil Empire” a couple of seasons ago. “Attitude reflects leadership”, as they always say.

ALEX RODRIGUEZ: It was a pretty dumb thing to say to a journalist about kids and training. Believe me, when your three year-old become a six year-old, suddenly being part of your child’s life is a bit more important than slugging a ball around. Bonus points, though, for admitting that you’ll have to earn your pinstripes to be a “proper Yankee.” Just remember: KIDS FIRST, BASEBALL SECOND.

THE NEW YORK YANKEES: ESPN’s Sportscenter attacked you for not backing A-Rod up. “If Alex Rodriguez has this much run support behind him, then the Yankees are in trouble,” one humorous anchor said. Well, my take is this: well done on taking the moral high ground. After all, you’ve got the whole Giambi saga to deal with. If things had escalted, we could have seen 20 major league baseball players out in the playground fighting it out…again. Plus, if Trot’s not enough, you’ve got Sheff’s sniped at Jason to deal with…

RANDY JOHNSON, MATT CLEMENT, CARL PAVANO, JARET WRIGHT, EDGAR RENTERIA: I need you to answer me honestly. You thought the Civil War was over, didn’t you?  

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