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College Football

A new record

But now there is even a more embarrassing situation for an SEC coach. No, it is not an affair. No, it is not a false hiring. No, it isn’t even an NCAA rules violation.So you visited fireronzook.com after he was hired in 2002. You scorned at the idea of such a site before he even coached. It was laughable, indeed.

So you watched the miserable results of Alabama firing Mike Price before he ever coached a game. You were shocked that a program one vote from the death penalty would fire a rule-obeying coach for what he did in his personal life one weekend down in Florida.

So you thought how stupid the Auburn people were for how they handled the situation with Tommy Tuberville last year. You were already making your list for his replacement in 2005.

And so you laughed during the brief lifetime of firephilfulmer.com, the website made by Alabama fans with deplore for his speaking out about what Alabama did. You nearly had a heart attack reading the garbage they had read.

But now there is even a more embarrassing situation for an SEC coach. No, it is not an affair. No, it is not a false hiring. No, it isn’t even an NCAA rules violation.

Before he was even NAMED the new head coach at South Carolina, www.firestevespurrier.com was already under construction and no, this was not from his Washington days. I checked the site 3 weeks ago. No sign of it then. It was there Saturday however, before the official announcement.

It may still be under construction, but it will probably be up and running in no time. Is this site a joke or is it one idiot’s view of reality?

I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but I’m going to guess that it is some disenfranchised Gator fan. Yes. Some desperate Gator wanting Spurrier to return. Using my mathematical skills, that would be approximately 102% of the alumni and 118% of the athletic faculty at the university. Or one of hundreds of thousands of fans and/or alumni.

So Spurrier is really going to South Carolina and not just for their semi-annual dismantling at the hands of Florida. He is really going there to coach.

He replaces Lou Holtz, a legend everywhere he coached except South Carolina (belief it or not, there was a website to fire him; how strange…). They wanted his face for the last let’s say 4 years as he lost to Clemson all those years and was 1-5 overall against those Tigers.

And being that it is the SEC, nobody seems to realize that he won 2 bowls with the program. The previous 31 coaches (over 33 different tenures) won one measly bowl. He took them 2 two January bowls, the same number of all his predecessors. And the only win, which was a January 2nd bowl, was the pitiful Carquest. That bowl changed names more times than NFL’s Cardinals and now it is defunct.

But off of Lou Holtz who has been criticized for not winning enough at an historically downtrodden school and onto Spurrier, the genius who turned Florida from probationally good to unbelievably great at the cost of leaving the success he had at huge powerhouse Duke (for those who are not knowledgeable about college football, that was sarcasm).

Oh yes, Spurrier. I know the fans don’t really want him out and that soon-to-be site is some moron’s joke to set a new record, but let us move on.

What if Spurrier gets homesick beating Florida? What if Butch Davis fails at Florida? What if in 2007 they both are gone? Could Florida bring back Spurrier?

Given, the odds of Spurrier returning are slimmer than a Florida recount (1/38), but it could happen.

So Spurrier replaces a legend at a school without tradition, overlooking his former job, which is tradition-ridden, his alma mater, loves him, and is getting rid of a failured coach. That is a first.

Florida might hire a coach who used to coach at Florida’s ex-arch nemesis. He beat Spurrier in their only collegiate head-to-head matchup. Butch is gonna switch sides in the battle for the Seminole War Canoe? That too is a first.

And now they can go against each other after years of Spurrier being too scared to play Miami?

What a confrontation!

No matter who wins (and who keeps score), the matchup should be interesting. But something has to give. I take Butch 2 games to 1 (assuming Butch doesn’t give Spurrier his old headset).

But something has to give.

After 3 years Spurrier will return home to find his name on everything. Butch’s will be on an ax head where the fans want him to be.

Spurrier’s new statue: $48,995.00.

Renaming the field: $4,164.75.

Putting Spurrier’s picture on all memorabilia: $185,378.14.

3 years to show the A.D. and his entire staff that they made a mistake: Priceless.

There are some things money can’t buy. For everything else there is the satisfaction that a new record has been set for most times an A.D. can make a mistake before he gets fired (and the satisfaction that I just confused the dozen or so people who may actually read this over the next 7 years).

Welcome back home, Spurrier: 2008.

God help me if he comes back. But it is worth it to get rid of Foley.

(I hope you don’t think the New Record is most times getting lost reading an article)

By bsd987

I have written for SportsColumn.com since 2004 and was named a featured writer in 2006. I have been Co-Editor of the site since January 1, 2009. I also write for BleacherReport.com where I am a founding member of the Tennis Roundtable and one of the chief contributors to both the Tennis and Horse Racing sections.

I am "Stat Boy" for Sportscolumn.com's weekly podcast, Poor Man's PTI.

I am currently a Junior at Rice University majoring in History and Medieval Studies. My senior thesis will focus on the desegregation of football in Texas and its affect of racial relations.

Please direct all inquiries to [email protected].

Thanks,
Burton DeWitt
Co-Editor of Sportscolumn.com

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