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Philadelphia Flyers

Back to the Fun Stuff

Now that The Revolution (that’s this site if you haven’t been paying attention) has launched, I can go back to doing what I enjoy most: ranting and raving. But before I get to that, some thoughts on being a Flyers fan.  You know those laboratory rats that constantly push the lever looking for a treat but end up getting an electric shock instead?  I feel like one of those rats.In 1975, the year I was born, the Flyers won the Stanley Cup.  It’s as if the Flyers winning the Cup was a birthright.  Ever since though, I’ve been pushing that lever, hoping hard for another championship but all I keep getting is a kick in the teeth. You’d think I’d learn by now.  At least women have the decency to file restraining orders so I have to stay away.  But I digress.

Despite the disappointment of losing game 7 and barely missing the playoffs, I’m proud of this team.  Even though the Flyers had the “names”, they never quite had the talent to go all the way.  And much like the 2003 Eagles, the injuries eventually caught up to them.  Hats off to Primeau, JR, Sami and even LeClair for putting together a hell of an effort. I feel most for these guys who are at the end of their careers (except Sami). They deserved more.  But then again, the Philly fans deserved more.

(Here comes the ranting part)

Now the Stanley Cup will probably go through a town with a hockey history only about 5 minutes longer than Ben Affleck has sucked as an actor.  Why is it that lately, teams that end up in the championship game have been those with the most clueless bandwagon fans?  Hey TB fans, this is what offside is.  Hey, TB fans, this is what icing is.  I’m so sickened, I can’t even talk to a Lightning fan right now.  Let’s go Flames!  At least they’ve been around longer than the Olsen Twins.  

Truth be told, I won’t be watching the Stanley Cup Finals. I know exactly what will happen.  I’ll be ok watching it for a while, then out of nowhere, I end up throwing something at the tv or just start shaking my head thinking, “that should’ve been the Flyers”.  

Reverse Marketing 101

Is there a law against buying advertising time for your competitors?  After watching the Eastern Conference Finals, I have vowed never to drink Sam Adams or MGD, or use a Nextel phone.  Aside from the one Flyers blowout, all the games were tight affairs or bad losses so I’m already agitated as it is.  To top it off, they have to interrupt the game with these terrible commercials that make me want to rip my head off.  Nextel is working hard to get the sports watching demographic.  They are spending $750M in a licensing agreement with Nascar.  

Listen Nextel, if you’re going to spend $750M, you should just buy an NFL franchise and call it the Nextel Nextels or whatever.  Nascar is not a real sport.  The people who watch nascar can’t even read! How are they going to sign your “get this crappy phone for free w/ 2 year agreement”?  

The real problem here though is your agency.  I know you’re going through an agency review. Don’t even let Mullen in the door.  They’ve screwed up your brand so much that they should be paying you in damages. How do any of their commercials convince me of the benefits of a Nextel phone?  According to them, I can hear an annoying beep followed by an emu gurgling?  Is that better than a regular phone call with an emu?  The way I see it, the only extra thing Nextel is adding is that annoying beep.  

Look, it’s very simple.  Nextel differentiates itself by the walkie-talkie feature right?  What in holy f’ing hell does emus-run-amok and pittburgh paper have to do with the walkie talkie?  (Just thinking about those commercials makes my blood pressure go up.) They already struck out once with the stupid celebrities with Nextel phones spots.  Life is better for Kristin Davis cause she can walkie talkie her husband and have him pick her up?  Either he’s there or he’s not, it doesn’t matter if he has a walkie talkie.  How about life is better for Kristin Davis cause she’s hot?

Allright, here it is; here’s my ad idea.  You can send me a check after it works.  First 25 seconds is two people using regular cell phones, trying to sort out dinner reservations or something; they keep having to say “I’ll call you right back” and redialing.  A big pain in the ass right?  5 seconds of Nextel customers not having to redial.  That’s it!  THAT IS IT.  I just gave you for free what you paid a shitty agency a boatload of money for.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, we have the Jason Kidd eyes in the back of his head and Tim Duncan driving 65…I mean 55 commercials. Good work American Express!

Sports celebrity Sighting

Heard this direct from a friend who witnessed the whole thing. Jeremy Newberry of the 49ers was spotted at a restaurant called Momo’s in SF, right across from Pacbell…er..SBC Park.  He was waiting in line to use the men’s room.  Well, a certain woman walks up to him and says, “hey, aren’t you Jeremy Newberry of the Niners? Why don’t you just use the ladies room?”  Five minutes later, the bouncers come and throw Newberry out.  Following him out is the young lady.  Topless.

And with that I’m off to find more photos of Keira Knightley.

By Vin

Vin is a Philly boy who shouldn't be invited into your house because he'll judge you on your book and music collection. He owns Dawkins, Utley, Iverson, and Lindros jerseys, which is all you really need to know about him. He can be reached at [email protected].

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