(originally posted June 25, 2003)
Cardinals FB Dennis McKinley.
Apparently, he couldn’t live on a professional football salary so he was smuggling in marijuana from Mexico, storing it in a warehouse and then shipping it out via tractor trailer (not to be confused with the Hornet’s forward) to major cities in the United States. McKinley was the “mastermind” of a drug smuggling operation. Oh, I’m sorry… allegedly. I love it. You win the athletic lottery and still try to sell drugs? What is his excuse? Just trying to find a way to get out of the ghetto? Was the 1500+ lbs of pot for personal use? (ironic that Cypress Hill’s “legalize” just popped up on my iPod.)In the Jayson Blair tradition of reporting, here’s my exclusive interview with Dennis McKinley.
Me: Dennis, how are you doing? You look good in orange.
DM: Thanks man. I try to represent in whatever uniform I’m in. My agent told me I might be in another uniform this year but I didn’t think he meant D.O.C.
Me: You’ve been charged with being the head of a drug smuggling operation in Arizona. What are your thoughts on that?
DM: Well, you know, every team needs a leader and I stepped up. In every game, someone has to step up.
Me: Tell us a little bit about your approach to the smuggling.
DM: You know, I just try to take it one shipment at a time. I give it 110% on the [pot] field and I think my buyers appreciate that. They say to me, Dennis, BRING IT. And that’s what I do, I bring it. Every time. Much love to the buyers. They are the best buyers in the country.
Me: Well, I’m here to tell you that you’ve just won the Nate Newton – Bam Morris award!
DM: Oh S_! Really? Awww S__! I am so honored. I’ve looked up to Nate and Bam ever since I started with some nickel bags back at Mississippi State. But yo, Nate, I beat you dawg. 1500 POUNDS! You can’t just fit that in the back of your trunk. I’d like to thank my teammates, Robert, Jason and Marcos for helping me with the whole operation. I’d like to thank my baby’s momma…and my other baby’s momma. I’d like to thank the Cardinals organization for drafting me and allowing me to be close to Mexico. And most of all, I’d like to thank God. Much love to God for providing us with the hemp plant. I got to go now. The C.O. is here.
Me: Take care, Dennis. Say hello to Mike Tyson for me.
Somewhere, someone is trying to figure out if this has altered his plan to take Emmitt Smith in 7th round of his Fantasy Football draft.
