Remember last week how I compared beating the Giants to beating a retard at checkers? Well, this week, Mike Tice and his short bus came to town. Don’t get me wrong, the Vikings are a very very talented team, especially on offense. But Tice and his coaching staff (with some help from a flustered Culpepper and The Phreak) managed to drive that bus right off a cliff.A few years ago, I used to rip Andy Reid for some of his playcalling and clock management. It’s so much more fun to rip the opposing coach. A recent CNN-SI poll asked NFL players who the best and worst coaches were. (Players were not allowed to vote for their own coach.) Not surprisingly, in the worst coach poll, Tom Coughlin was #1 because everyone hates him. Coming in at #5 is Mike Tice. Why is he 5th? Because he’s a moron.
Evidence A: Eagles up 7-3 with 12 minutes left in the second, 4th down at the goaline. Tice has the biggest QB in the world, who could fall over and score, and he elects to kick the field goal. OK. Perhaps he just wanted to play it safe. I can live with that. But later in the quarter, with Eagles up 10-6, 4th down and 1 at the 20 yard line and he goes for it. What exactly is the difference between those two situations?
Evidence B: Tice has the biggest deep threat in the game. At no point in the game did he go deep to Randy Moss. How is this possible? It’s like having Ashley Judd in your movie and not letting her get naked. Sure the Eagles secondary was keeping everything in front of them and the D Line was getting a lot of pressure. But are you telling me you can’t put Randy on a fly pattern, Culpepper in the shotgun and launch a ball? It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t connect, you have to keep the defense honest with those balls once in a while. This isn’t Drew Brees to Reche Caldwell. This is Culpepper to Moss!
Evidence C: You ever watch a good football game and see a coach challenge a play simply because they know they have to? Well, that’s because those guys are good coaches. When asked about why he didn’t challenge the touchdown pass to TO, Tice responded that he couldn’t “see that shit from all the way over there” and when asked why the booth didn’t alert him to challenge it, he said, “they were all the way across the stadium.” What? I’m not sure but I think that’s what the monitors are for. The most damning evidence is that Tice said it didn’t even cross his mind to challenge the play. Tice! Are you completely retarded? It’s the pivotal play in the game and it was right near the out of bounds. Even if you’re wasting a challenge, you have to throw the red flag to give your team a shot.
For the record, TO was out of bounds on that touchdown catch. That score ended up not to matter but who knows what happens when you factor in momentum.
That’s all I have, your honor. I’m sure the Vikings fans are ripping him for other things as well.
Player of the Game
All week we heard about McNabb-TO vs Culpepper-Moss. Turns out the key to the game was Westbrook vs Smith and it wasn’t even close. Westbrook had 69 yards receiving and 69 yards rushing, with moves that made Madden sit up and notice. It was amazing to see him squirt through the middle through seemingly nonexistent holes or easily out run a safety to the corners. On one play, the Vikings had a linebacker covering Westbrook in the slot. That was an easy first down. Westbrook didn’t have any big runs or a touchdown, but his threat out of the backfield kept the Vikings defenders on their heels. Maybe he thought his drug suspension started at halftime but the same couldn’t be said about Onterrio Smith.
The Freak
There are two stories about Kearse that I love. The first simply that he can stand at a pool table and grab both corners… lengthwise. The second is when he had to go for a physical, he walked into the team physician’s office and said, “if I can touch the ceiling, are we done?”. The doc looks up at the 13 foot ceiling and thinks, no way can anyone touch that, so he says, “sure”. Kearse jumps up, touches the ceiling and walks right back out.
More proof that Skip Bayless is a complete moron. (As if you needed any.)
“Give me Culpepper because a) he’s a much more accurate and accomplished passer than McNabb and b) he has Randy Moss, who’s in a league of his own. Terrell Owens couldn’t carry Moss’ chinstrap. Moss is faster, jumps higher, is more athletic and has better hands. Moss rises to the occasion; Owens’ arms shrink under big-game pressure.”
How do you define “accomplished”? Ability to fumble the ball in key situations? Ability for premature celebrations? Here’s what I don’t understand about ESPN. Nobody I know actually likes Skip Bayless, Merrill Hoge, Sean Salisbury or Stephen A. Smith. How are they such big parts of their network? I guess all that matters is they are making a ton of money. I can’t wait till The NFL Network starts taking ratings from them.
Random Notes
·Reid has got McNabb so well trained that it’s not even worth listening to any of his post game interviews. I swear Reid brought Crash Davis in to coach him. McNabb: Cliche Cliche Smile Cliche Cliche Smile Cliche Thank You.
·I like Apple a lot but these ipod commercials have got to go.
·When does Mike Patrick get back into the booth on Sunday night? Summerall is killing me.
·Let’s say you have a wedding to attend on the day your team plays the team that knocked you out of the playoffs last year. Is it permissible to bring a transistor radio to the ceremony?
·Did you see that picture of the Packers O Line on the horse trailer? I swear two of them were wearing lipstick.
·Eagles fans getting some love from the Monday Night crew. Both Madden and Michaels were praising Philly fans in general about their passion and knowledge for the game. Probably the most effusive praise I’ve heard for any fans in all the games I’ve watched. I guess the ABC team doesn’t share in the ESPN crew’s anti-Philly bias. It was amazing to hear Sean Salisbury jump on the Eagles bandwagon. He never admitted he was wrong but said the Eagles were the best team in the NFC. Merrill Hoge, on the other hand, is busy trying to figure out how he can pick the Lions next week.
