Why I Can Never Pick Duke

The NCAA Tourney is once again rolling along and that means college hoop fans worldwide are currently suffering from a bit of bracket fever.  For the past twenty years I’ve fallen victim to this seasonal disease and every March I’ve tried my best to predict the tournament’s ultimate champion.  Over that twenty-year span I would guess the Duke Blue Devils would be a solid pick to win it all almost every year, but they were never the last team standing in my bracket.  My Dukie hatred runs so deep that even when money and pride are involved I can’t scribble that four-letter word in the final bracket box.I’ve always been very liberal in my use of the word hate; I hate the person in my office that is a bit too chipper every morning.  I hate the emergence of reality TV.  I hate it when people show no common courtesy at a movie theater (I really do HATE that) and I have always hated Duke.  The wonderful thing is that I am not alone in harboring these hateful feeling towards the Blue Devils.  It seems most of country has a problem with one of the most prestigious basketball programs in the country.  Why, a non-Dukie hater might ask?  Below are my reasons in an article of self-examination that might help me understand my deep-rooted feelings.  It also might help me win a few more March Madness pools.

The ultimate reason; they just win too damn much.  It’s basically the New York Yankee’s syndrome.  If a team is so good for so long, eventually a bitter backlash develops against that winning team.  Yes the winning team also has a rabid base of hardcore fans, but many fans that may have been indifferent before, now want to see King Kong knocked off the Empire State Building.  Usually if a team, like Duke, wins so much they have also toppled your favorite team somewhere along the way.

The moment my hatred boiled over the edge and beyond was back in 1992 when Duke took out my Michigan Wolverines in the championship game.  It was the year U of M strutted to the title game in the baggy yellow shorts and black shoes of five freshmen.  The Fab Five were the best story in college basketball that year and the Christian Laettner/Grant Hill led Duke team ended their storybook run.  Did I mention it was the Blue Devils second title in a row?  At this point I knew I would never root for Duke again.  Actually those memories are all becoming a bit fuzzy.  Who are the Fab Five?  Chris Webber played college ball?  Forget about this paragraph, it never happened.

Duke’s longtime winning ways also create a phenomenon no sports fan likes to deal with; the obnoxious, arrogant, and spoiled fan a dynasty like run creates.  A Duke fan is almost always going to have the upper hand in the trash talking, bitch sessions we sports fans love to have.  All excited about your favorite college teams new coaching hire?  Well he probably couldn’t hold a consonant up to Coach Krzyzewski.  All fired up about that number three seed in the tournament?  Duke just got a number one…in Greensboro.  Not too many college fans are going to one up a Blue Devil’s supporter.

As if dealing with above mentioned fans aren’t enough you also have the barnacles of the sports world that cling on the bottom of a winning ship like they were always a part of it.  Fair weather fans are my sporting pet peeve and winning programs like Duke carry more than their share.  I used to be a Hoosier fan, but after Bobby Knight got the boot Duke seemed like a good team to root for.  My team blows chunks so I think I’ll jump on the Duke bandwagon because it’s easier to watch a team that wins.  Can we somehow abolish these people from the sporting world?  Pick a team while you are young and suffer the consequences.  Team swapping should be strictly forbidden and outlawed along with PETA, right-wing Christian extremists and belly baring shirts on fat girls.

I’ve mentioned the winning tradition and the fans, but what about the Duke players?  What could I have against all the great players that have walked through Cameron Indoor Stadium?  Well it’s definitely nothing personal, but no Duke player ever really has that “wow” factor.  Danny Ferry had a receding hairline by the time he was a senior.  Christian Laettner is the pretty boy who everybody loved to hate.  Elton Brand is built in that Tim Duncan mold of superb player who is fundamentally strong, but just not that exciting to watch.  Grant Hill and Jay (don’t call me Jason) Williams are exceptions to the rule, but overall Duke usually doesn’t have that crazy talented “phenom” labeled a must see.

Having exciting players helps when you don’t have a rooting interest in a particular team.  Duke is always winning which means they are constantly on national television and I don’t even get the benefit of seeing a player that demands my full attention.  Maybe I would have the same hatred in my blood for North Carolina, but at least they have given me the exploits of Worthy, Jordan, Stackhouse and Carter through the years.  Duke gives me Cherokee Parks and Shelden Williams.  Now don’t get me wrong Duke has always had great players, but not the type to make a full fledged member of the “Cameron Crazies Must Perish Club” a reason to go wow.  

Finally the reason most of us hate Duke, simple jealousy.  Imagine your favorite college program being disappointed by “only” reaching the Sweet Sixteen.  Picture Coach K recruiting athletes for your favorite school on American Express’ dime.  Wouldn’t you want your college’s number one fan to be Dickie V?  Duke is the best college basketball program in the nation (we can debate this later Mr. Calhoun and Mr. Williams) and we all want our schools in the same position.  My Wolverines are not and I really HATE that.

So one more year of March Madness rolls along and once again I find myself too stubborn to pick Duke as the winner.  They might have the best perimeter and inside players in the country, but I search for the slightest weakness I can find.  They do have trouble with superb athletic teams who can win the one-on-one battles…looks like LSU pulls the upset in the Sweet Sixteen.  Sorry Duke maybe next year, but probably not.