Well, it’s Ping Pong Ball day in the NBA- where franchises have the chance to rise from the ashes of mediocrity in one fell swoop of David Stern’s hand, but I’d like to focus on something with a touch more importance.
If you haven’t done it already I strongly recommend that you check out PeeYourPantsForTheBrewers.com, a site that encourages all fans of the Crew to join together in urination if, and when, the Brewers clinch the NL Central title this season. It is easily the funniest baseball-related thing I have seen all season. Maybe the funniest ever. I can’t say what would possess people to want to pee their pants in elation, but apparently Brewer fans are just a different breed of people.
The site’s introductory paragraph says it all: “I have never seen a full Brewers season where they make the playoffs. Born in July 1982, I missed that amazing World Series run. It’s been a long 24 years- the longest playoff drought in baseball. With a young team of quality stars and shrewd management, we’re boldly making our move. I get so excited thinking about the Brewers now, a little pee comes out. In fact, when the Brewers make the playoffs I will pee my pants.”
Already 4,822 people have made the pledge to celebrate the Brewers in unison. You, too, could join their ranks, if you’re a Milwaukee fan who is unperturbed by wet, filthy, unsanitary pants, just by going to PeeYourPantsForTheBrewers.com and filling out the registry.
Rank (Pv) |
Team |
Record |
Comments |
| 1 (1) |  |
30-14 | Boston is getting more production out of their no. 9 hitter than many teams are getting out of their no. 3 and 4. Their 22 runs and .295 average are tops in the league, mostly coming from rookie 2B Dustin Pedroia. |
| 2 (2) |  |
28-15 | Surprisingly, Carlos Delgado is struggling mightily. Over the past decade he has been one of the most consistent hitters in the game, driving in over 90 runs for each of the past 11 seasons, and hitting over 30 homeruns for the past 10. This year he’s hitting just .214 and on pace for only 12 longballs. |
| 3 (5) |  |
27-15 | Jhonny Peralta has been scorching the ball over the past week, with 11 hits in his last 24 at-bats, including three homeruns and a double. |
| 4 (6) |  |
27-16 | The good news for the Tigers is that Kenny Rogers has begun throwing, after missing most of the season due to a blood clot. The better news is that he might not have a rotation spot if Andrew Miller continues to look as good as he did in his first career start. He threw six scoreless innings to earn his first career win, after being drafted sixth overall less than a year ago. |
| 5 (8) |  |
27-18 | The Angels are the hottest team in baseball right now, riding a five game winning streak, and 10 of their past 12, due in large part to the bat of Mike Napoli, who’s slugged .714 over the past week. |
| 6 (3) |  |
26-18 | Not only does Jarrod Saltalamamacchia have the longest last name in history, but he’s also a pretty good player. At class AA Mississippi he was hitting .309 with an OPS of 1.022. Since getting the call to the bigs he’s hit a respectable .286 and has thrown out three of five attempted basestealers. The only question is what the Braves will do with him now that McCann is back to playing full time. They say they will keep him with the club as the second catcher and work him in a bit at first base, but with McCann signed for the next six years you would have to think he might be more valuable as a trading chip. Baseball America ranks him as the best catching prospect and the no. 36 prospect overall. |
| 7 (4) |  |
28-17 | A couple things I like about PeeYourPantsForTheBrewers.com (or PYPFTB for those who are hip): the heading for Monday May 14 reads, “Still #1 (like what we’ll do in our pants) in the NL; also under the Funky McNasty heading, it says of the last time you peed your pants category, “A close second is Mark Ellison’s question if `small dribbles count?’ At 46, Mark is the grandfather of the team- and though small dribbles count for general pants-peeing, it will definitely not count for when the Brewers make the playoffs. You’re going to need to open the flood gates all the way for that.” Mark. |
| 8 (7) |  |
25-20 | Supposed baseball experts predicted Takashi Saito would suffer a severe dropoff in effectiveness this year, but it just hasn’t happened. The Gagne replacement from Japan has converted all 13 save chances and his ERA, at this point, is even lower than his impressive 2.07 from last year (1.80). Definitely a bargain for a million dollars. |
| 9 (9) |  |
24-20 | In a Sports Illustrated poll, most players thought Kevin Kouzmanoff would win NL Rookie of the Year honors, yet the young slugger is only hitting .185 with one homerun. Last year he made a splash when he became the first player in history to hit a grand slam on his first Major League pitch. At least the good news for Padres fans is that Josh Barfield isn’t doing all that well, either (.228, 1 HR, 20 RBI). |
| 10 (10) |  |
25-21 | Justin Upton is the centerpiece of the Diamondbacks’ loaded farm system. The 19-year old outfielder is scorching the minor league pitching with a .340 average and nine homeruns in 39 games. His only downside seems to be his strikeout rate, about one per game. However, with the outfielding inconsistency Arizona has had, it might not be too early to start thinking about a late summer call-up. |
| 11 (12) |  |
22-19 | Jim Thome looks to re-energize the Sox with his return from the DL. He has an excellent shot at joining the 500-homerun club this year, as he only needs 23 more. Despite a fantastic career that has seen four top-10 finishes in the MVP voting, I don’t see him being a Hall-of-Famer, even if he easily surpasses 500 homeruns and 1,500 RBI. |
| 12 (11) |  |
22-22 | The Athletics are quite possibly the only team in baseball with a better, younger, and cheaper pitching staff than San Fran. With Haren, Blanton, Kennedy and Gaudin, the A’s have four pitchers under the age of 28, with ERAs under 3.60, for a total cost of under $6 million. As a Mariner fan, all I can think is… Thank God Rich Harden is about as reliable as a Pontiac Fiero. |
| 13 (16) |  |
22-22 | Although it seemed a bit odd at the time, you have to think the Jim Thome trade was an excellent move for the Phillies. Number one, it cleared up room for Ryan Howard to take over the full-time first-base position and get free Subway sandwiches for life. And number two, it brought Aaron Rowand to the City of Brotherly Love. He has been nothing short of what the Phillies hoped Pat Burrell was going to be: a hard-nosed Gold Glove defender who leads the team in hitting (.333), and has seven homeruns 23 RBI. |
| 14 (15) |  |
22-22 | Imagine the pitching staff the Giants are going to have for the next half-decade: Matt Cain, Barry Zito, Tim Lincecum, and Noah Lowry. You’d be hard pressed to name a team with a better starting four, not to mention young and comparatively cheap (with three of four making under $1.5 million). I can think of at least one Sportscolumn reader/writer who wants to vomit, just thinking about the next five, six, maybe even seven seasons. |
| 15 (13) |  |
20-23 | The Yankees are further out of first place than they have ever been in the Joe Torre era. However, anybody who thinks Torre should be fired is a complete idiot. Maybe a managerial change is an order after the season, but if Yankee fans think Don Mattingly can turn this team completely around, they are gravely mistaken. On another note: if you want to hear some funny things about Torre when he was a player, check out Ball Four by Jim Bouton. |
| 16 (14) |  |
20-24 | I really don’t have anything to say about the Twins this week, so I’m just going to keep talking about PYPFTB. A couple of my favorite entries under the question, when was the last time you peed your pants: #135 Eric said, “Sec. 115 Urinal. I tried to return to the game before I was done;” #170 Allan “Bud” Selig said, “when I woke up this morning;” and #1112 Jason Stevens said, “Last week I miscalculated a zipper/wang extraction.” |
| 17 (17) |  |
19-21 | I’ve never seen a player more obviously paying attention to his own statistics than Ichiro. Up until his consecutive stolen base streak ended at 45 (five shy of Vince Coleman’s MLB record), Ichiro had only attempted six steals in the previous 35 games. Since then he’s made seven attempts in the past four games (successful on six). Now that the streak is over Ichiro can be a more effective all around player by wrecking havoc on the basepaths. |
| 18 (18) |  |
20-22 | The little things matter for the Cubs, whose pitchers lead the league in run production (9 runs and 8 RBI). The next highest team is the Dodgers (4 runs and 9 RBI). |
| 19 (19) |  |
21-23 | Carlos Lee has proven to be worth every dime of the contract he signed in the off-season, leading the team in batting average (.316), homeruns (9), and RBI (40). He’s been particularly hot at home, with an OPS of .976. |
| 20 (21) |  |
21-23 | Florida doubled its payroll from last year to this year, yet they are still the second lowest paid team in the game. |
| 21 (20) |  |
19-24 | Whatever happened to Cito Gaston? With all the bad managers in the game of baseball, how is it that a guy who won the World Series twice, and is still relatively young doesn’t have a job? |
| 22 (22) |  |
18-27 | Of course some credit has to be given to the ballpark, but the Reds are second in the NL in homeruns (55), however their pitchers have only allowed 33, good for the fourth best in the league. |
| 23 (24) |  |
19-24 | Anybody who can name the pitchers with the top three ERAs in the National League should be looked on with some sort of geekish awe and admiration. They are (in order) Jake Peavey (okay, that makes sense), Tim Hudson (also makes sense), and Tom Gorzelanny (uh, wait a second… who?!). |
| 24 (23) |  |
16-25 | The Cardinals are getting less production out of the cleanup spot than any other team in baseball, with only 14 runs and 18 RBI. They also rank last in doubles, homeruns, batting average, on-base percentage and slugging percentage from the cleanup spot. |
| 25 (26) |  |
20-24 | Rumor has it that Sam Perlozzo might be on the hot seat, after just two years on the job. The Orioles have improved their winning percentage every season under Perlozzo, going from .407 in ’05 when he had the interim label, up to .432 last season, to where they sit right now at .455. To me these numbers don’t sound too bad, especially when you consider that upper management chose to spend almost $16 this year on Kris Benson and Jaret Wright. |
| 26 (25) |  |
18-25 | 160: The approximate number of days before Carl Crawford becomes a free-agent. |
| 27 (27) |  |
18-27 | A bad team gets even worse as the Rangers lose Hank Blalock for what could be the rest of the season. He’ll have to have a rib removed, (but not in the Trent Reznor sort of way) and I can’t imagine he’d come back in the middle of the summer with that sort of procedure. |
| 28 (28) |  |
18-27 | The Rockies hold sole ownership of last place in the NL West for 33 straight days, and a big reason is that they’ve been almost completely incapable of winning consecutive games (they’ve only done it four times all year). |
| 29 (29) |  |
17-28 | Although Alex Gordon is the universally recognizable prospect in the Royals organization, Billy Butler could be just as crucial toward their future. Butler is consider the no. 2 prospect in the organization, and thus far has hit .243 in 10 Major League games. It will only be a matter of time before he starts to put up big numbers, though. He was hitting .340 with a 1.097 OPS at AAA Omaha. |
| 30 (30) |  |
16-29 | The Nationals are pretty bad, but at least they’re not as bad as gas prices. |
| 31 (-) | Gas Prices | N/A | I paid almost $4 a gallon last week and I’m still pissed off. |