The Week in Sports!

Smails takes on the week that was.  I re-cap some of the top stories, and blast away at those that need blasting.  An entertaining look at the week in sports.The Week in Sports!

Michelle Wie made the cut at the Asian Tour’s SK Telecom Open.  After a final round 74, she finished 12 shots behind the winner,  Prom Meesawat.  Yes, Prom Meesawat.  This is about the equivalent of her winning a $20 Nassau against Ian Baker Finch.  Look, I understand what a big draw she is, and how much attention she brings to women’s golf, but c’mon.  She has yet to win an LPGA event, yet she insists on playing in men’s events, preventing oh, I don’t know, a man from getting into the field.  After making the cut, Wie said “In the future, I still want to challenge the PGA Tour and make the top ten”.  Yeah, and I’d like to date Angelina Jolie, make it to the gym five days a week, and get paid to write this stuff.  But you know what?  I’m still waiting for Ms. Jolie to call me back (and that restraining order was totally unnecessary), I’m slowly re-gaining the baby fat that I lost years ago, and I’m writing this column pro bono.  Listen, win some women’s events and be proud of that, Michelle.  There’s no shame in playing your peers and beating them on the LPGA.

Reggie Bush’s Heisman win could be in jeopardy if he is ruled ineligible under NCAA rules.  This is entirely possible given that his dimwit parents lived rent-free in a $750,000 home last year, and/or accepted illegitimate loans to pay off family debts.  I’m not sure where I stand on this one, but I whole-heartedly believe that Matt Leinart’s Heisman should be revoked if it’s true that he’s dating Paris Hilton.  I mean, what’s worse, being picked 10th by the Arizona Cardinals, or being picked 1,597th by Paris?

NASCAR has come out with its own brand of…meat?  Yes, meat.  Look, I understand the power of a popular brand.  I took Marketing 101 in college, mostly because there were some really cute girls in the class, but I still listened once in a while.  But, NASCAR meat?  Is this really necessary?  Why not go for the trifecta and license NASCAR muscle shirts and NASCAR gun racks?  And, if you have trouble finding NASCAR meat in your local grocery store, just keep making left-hand turns and you’ll eventually run into it.

Barbaro won the Kentucky Derby by 6 ½ lengths, blowing the field away over the final 3 furlongs.  Look for him to be a 4-5 favorite at the Preakness.  Finishing 19th and 20th in the field were Sharp Humor and Keyed Entry, which interestingly was John Daly’s exacta pick.

The Los Angeles Lakers blew a 3-1 series lead against the Phoenix Suns, losing game seven by 31 points.  It was the first time a teamed coached by Phil Jackson lost a first-round series.  It was only the eighth time in NBA history that a team came back from 3-1 to win a seven-game series.  96% of the time, a team up 3-1 eventually won the series.  The Lakers didn`t even show up Saturday night, falling behind early and never playing hard enough to come back.  Great coaching job by Phil?  No.  A choke?  Yes.  Best first-round series ever?  Yep.

Brett Favre decided to return for his 16th NFL season after months of speculation about the future Hall of Famer’s future.  This made most sports fans happy, except for Charles Barkley, who took the under on 15 ½ seasons for Favre.

Albert Pujols might be a witch.  Or from outer space.  Or from the future.  He’s hitting .315 with 16 home runs and 38 RBI.  He’s been intentionally walked in the first inning.  His slugging percentage is .810.  He’s on pace to hit 83 home runs (no, he won’t do it, but geez).  He also hasn’t made any errors so far this year.  He’s an amazing player, the kind that comes along once in a lifetime.  And oh,  yeah…his body and his head are still the same size they’ve always been.

Until next week, fight the good fight!