The NBA Gets "Lost"

The NBA All-Star game is here again, so you know what that means? Its midseason awards time! As an avid reader of the popular sports websites out there, which I’m sure most you aspiring writers are, I have been beaten over the head with award prognostications. Nash or Kobe for league MVP; Chris Paul for Rookie of the Year, and Sam Cassell for Biggest Pair which he is so fond of telling us. Been there and read that. I’m up for something different, so in the tradition of ESPN’s Page 2 let me mix in a little pop culture with our sports. What would happen if the NBA got Lost?Imagine if you will, a group of NBA players flying over the Pacific Ocean on their way back from a charity event in Australia. Suddenly some turbulence kicks in and the plane starts shaking like C-Webb in the final minute of the fourth quarter. The plane’s nose dips dramatically and oxygen masks start dropping from the ceiling. Oceanic Flight 815 is going down with only the clear blue surface of the South Pacific as its landing pad. The only thing saving the remaining survivors is a mysterious and uncharted island the flight has crashed near. Mayhem ensues as NBA players scramble to save fellow teammates and opponents (even Kobe) alike. Only 48 survivors escape with their lives, but for the purposes of this article we only care about eleven of them.

What role would each of these NBA players fill on their new and magical island home? Which ballers would make up the perfect cast of survivors to take on those dreaded “Others”? These are the warped thoughts that keep me tossing and turning in bed at night. The following is my personal analysis of which player fits into each Lost role the best. I have no idea why this would be useful to anyone at anytime or how relevant it is to the NBA at all, but let’s have some fun with it.

Dr. Jack Shephard – The most valuable doctor and anointed leader of the castaways. Jack is a little fiery and has been showing some cracks lately, but most of the group looks to him when things get rough. If his Airness, the one and only Michael Jordan, was still in the league this choice would be a given, but with out MJ we turn to the current “Next MJ” LeBron James. He is the anointed one of the NBA and the man chosen by the masses to carry the torch for the league. Like Jack he shows some vulnerability now and then, but there can’t be a brighter star to lead the group than Bron-Bron.

John Locke – The voice of reason on the island and the man who brings a sense of calm to those around him. He is the Ying to Jack’s Yang. Locke keeps a watchful eye on those in need and is always willing to lend the helping hand, except when he balled up his helping hand and bashed Charlie in the face a few times. Who keeps everyone in control and more involved in the NBA better than Steve Nash? Nash is the premier calming influence on the court and everybody would love to play with this guy. Now Nash just needs to lend John some of his stringy locks of hair.

James “Sawyer” Ford – You either love or hate Sawyer, but no one can deny he gets what he wants on the island and gets things done. No one screams love/hate in the NBA more than Kobe Bryant. Laker fans love him and most everyone else hates him, including some of his teammates. The perfect castaways in a group of castaways, Kobe and Sawyer get what they want no matter what lies in their way. Kobe haters try not to read too much into that last sentence.

Sayid Jarrah – The ex-soldier who has a talent for the dirty work most of his companions aren’t willing to undertake. Sayid is a brave soul who has been hardened by life, and tortured by the women he has lost in the past. When I think of dirty work in the NBA only one name comes to mind, Ben Wallace. He is a hard worker who is willing to tackle the tasks others disdain. Ben is also tortured by the past rebounds he was unable to corral.

Kate – The undisputed beauty of the island with the brains and overall skill to go along with the looks. Kate seems to have it all, but she also doesn’t seem able to escape her troubled past and that has come back to haunt her on occasion. Like Kate, Kevin Garnett seems to have it all on the court. KG has the body, athletic skills, and basketball IQ, but there still seems to be something missing. Maybe the failures of playoffs past are still affecting the present work of Garnett.

Charlie Pace – The washed up ex-rocker seemed like the fun loving guy everyone could have fun with early on. Then the island’s mojo started in on Charlie and convinced him that he had to save Claire’s baby. So after a couple of bad looking kidnapping episodes and a beat down by Locke, Charlie continues on his downward spiral even getting himself hooked up in one of Sawyer’s con games. Charlie meet your NBA equivalent in Kwame Brown. The number one NBA draft pick had unlimited potential until some kind of mojo (MJ?) started working on him. Now Kwame is a reclamation project even Phil Jackson is having a hard time with.

Michael Dawson – He is an outsider among the survivors because he has a more pressing need besides his own well being. Michael needs to protect his son Walt. Now that the others have Walt, Michael will stop at nothing to get him back. I can think of only one man who seems to have alternative agendas on the court besides basketball and that man is Ron Artest. Whether it’s promoting his rap album or picking fights with Pat Riley, Artest’s head always seems to be in a place other than the basketball court. Both Michael on Ron are hot headed and do not think before acting.

Hugo “Hurley” Reyes – Hurley is the comedic relief on the island. The big man keeps everyone loose with his humor while also being the target of Sawyer’s jabs because of his size (Babar being my favorite). When you talk about funny, big men in the league there can only be one choice, Shaquille O’Neal. Shaq is the premier comedian in the league and will always keep the locker room laughing. Being haunted by numbers is also a trait shared by the pair, except Shaq is tormented by a single digit, #8.

Jin-Soo Kwon – Everyone pretty much hated Jin after he jumped Michael for no apparent reason. The fact that he couldn’t communicate with anyone, but his wife Sun and treated her like dog poo didn’t help either. Then Jin turned it around. He began helping with the boat and using his fishing skills for the group, not to mention repairing his relationship with Sun. Jin soon became a core member of group and trusted face among them. This sounds much like the career path of Detroit guard Chauncey Billups. He bounced from team-to-team and was considered a first round bust before he found his niche with the Pistons. After that he turned himself into a Finals MVP and one of the leagues finest point guards. Hopefully his marital relations were never of the dog poo variety.

Sun Kwon – Sun also had a hard time fitting in like her husband. She hid her English speaking abilities at first, out of respect (fear?) for Jin and no one realized what her talents were. Soon Sun showed she would not be denied as she became a valuable role player for the survivors. Her knowledge of plants led to her invaluable service as a nurse and gardener. Every championship team needs a role player and no one in the NBA plays that role better than Bruce Bowen. Bowen’s defense is his calling card and that one superior skill keeps him in the rotation. Every winning team needs a Sun or Bowen in the lineup.

Claire Littleton – Claire has two things going for her; everyone looks out for the girl with the baby and she is also very easy to look at. Otherwise I can’t think of any significant purpose she serves on the island. She is the Peja Stojakovic of the Lost cast. Peja has that baby of a jump shot and …okay he isn’t easy to look at, but that jump shot is something special.

So that is my overall and totally useless comparison of NBA players and their Lost counterparts. Yes I know I left out the new additions to the team, but I’m hoping Ana Lucia gets mangled by a wild boar very soon and we don’t know anything about Libby yet. However Mr. Eko is definitely a superb rookie addition. Maybe like Rookie of the Year Chris Paul? You see everything comes full circle in the world of Lost.