As baseball’s new advertising guru- I had an idea

A few years ago I saw a touching NFL advert, where the players went onto the streets to say “Thank You”.

So being the world’s best advertising guru, I had an idea for MLB players to do exactly the same thing- except with slight different wording. It would be called “Sorry.” And no, it’s not ALL going to be about steroids…
Jason Giambi would go into New York and Oakland schools and say “Kids, Sorry. Sorry I misled you into thinking I was one of the greatest hitters in my time. Sorry that you cheered for me when I hit that grand slam against Minnesota in the rain because if it hadn’t been for the `roids, it was probably Torii Hunter’s ball.”

Ken Griffey Jr, whose baseball swing is as beautiful as Jim Furyk’s golf one is ugly, visits a Cincinnati café: “Hey Dawn,” he says to a waitress who was in her prime during the Big Red Machine years, “I just want to say I’m sorry. You expected the world out of me, but I couldn’t be bothered to stretch properly and screwed up my hamstrings. Oh, and I know you’re really enjoying watching me actually play this year. But hey-sorry- I’m probably off to Chicago soon.” Suddenly Adam Dunn rolls in and chirps: “You remember the time when we’ve been bases loaded and I’ve struck out?” Dawn’s face would turn redder than her Reds-themed walls. “Well, sorry.”

Raffy Palmeiro could stand on the top of Moorish Tower in Baltimore and scream so everyone in Virginia, Washington AND Maryland can hear him and say: “Sorry! I lied! Thank you that you haven’t killed me.”

Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa should go up to Sports Illustrated writer Gary Smith and get on both knees and say: “Sorry, Gary. Sorry that we misled you by our power years of 1998. Sorry we cheated you into writing “The Great Home Run Chase”, where you ran around the country rooting for us and the longball. If we hadn’t put syringes where the sun didn’t shine, then you could have better spent your time doing something else.” And Bud Selig could go on the streets of every town in America dressed only in an especially-made “Sorry” banner and say “Sorry guys- we had it too good during the late 90s. We weren’t going to tell anybody- even if we DID know.”

You could have the Athletics ownership apologizing for not bothering to resign any of its best players- Tim Hudson included. You could Yankee players apologizing to Yankee fans for not making the play-offs- and hey, why throw in the Yankee pitching staff saying the big “S” to George Steinbrenner and Yankee management for not mentioning that they had injury problems BEFORE they signed on the dotted line.
 Carlos Beltran could walk around the streets of Flushing saying: “Hey guys, I’m sorry. I wasn’t worth $100m this year.” You could have every pitcher who’s ever hit Craig Biggio to do a “don’t hit Biggio day” in Houston, and actually MISS him with balls engraved with the five magic letters. You could have the Seattle Mariners team do a season-to-season “sorry” mission. Except they might have to retract it for a few years- because they don’t know they’ll win 111 or 11 from season to season. You could have the Atlanta Braves players going out onto the streets of ATL (during the day, not the evening, because the place is freaking soulless after 7) and say to their `loyal’ fans (On second thoughts- since there aren’t many Atlanta fans who actually seem to go and see a first place team these days, they should do it on TBS) “Sorry for making you believe that this might be your year…again.”

And as I’m thinking adverts, I’m also thinking soundtrack.
I’d re-hire Natalie Merchant to sing “Kind and Generous”- except call it “Stupid and sorry”, and instead of the chorus being “thank you”, it would be “sorry.”