"14-6: The Historic Championship Season of New York's Imperfect Giants"

By YankTank, Section NFL
Posted on Wed Feb 06 2008 at 11:02 AM EST
More on: Super Bowl XLII, New England, Patriots, New York, Giants (all tags)

"We can't all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by." -Will Rogers

About 50 blocks south of me the New York Giants are holding court in the Canyon of Heroes. Thousands are flooding lower Manhattan in an overwhelming parade of gratitude. Thank you, Big Blue. For doing for your fans what the Red Sox did for Boston in 2004. We needed more than just a Super Bowl, and somehow the Giants gave it to us.

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Patriot Games: A formality before immortality?

By YankTank, Section NFL
Posted on Fri Feb 01 2008 at 12:18 PM EST
More on: Super Bowl, Giants, Patriots, Chokers, Upsets (all tags)

"That's why we took the damn field! Now, if you want to crown them, then crown their ass!" -Dennis Green on playing the Bears, MNF 10/16/06

I'm surprised management splurged and actually flew the New York Giants to Arizona. Wouldn't it have made more sense to just come to terms with the foregone conclusion of the Patriots' perfect season? Big Blue is overmatched, and Tom Brady is clearly Christ himself. Hell, New England already has applied for a trademark patent on "19-0." (I'm not making this up.) Does it matter who they're playing? The Giants are merely slated to be another blip of road kill on the Patriots' road to perfection.

Which means the Patriots go down in history no matter what. As perfect or as chokers. And the Giants? Only a catalyst to either.

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SBXLII: No surprises, please.

By YankTank, Section Journals
Posted on Wed Jan 23 2008 at 3:06 PM EST
More on: Super Bowl, Patriots, Giants, NFL (all tags)

"Be ready to be surprised." That was one of the tenets of Loesje, a Dutch organization for creative thinking and positive energy. And naturally there's no better way to launch into an NFL bit than call on the wisdom of modern-day hippies from the Netherlands. At least that's what my grandfather always said.

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The Scorch Has Been Passed to a New Generation

By YankTank, Section MLB
Posted on Thu Oct 04 2007 at 9:06 AM EST
More on: mets, yankees, MLB, baseball, playoffs, collapse (all tags)

"How did you go bankrupt?"
"Two ways: gradually, and then suddenly."
-Ernest Hemmingway, The Sun Also Rises

Thank you, Queens.

Thank you for doing the impossible.

Thank you for flooding the headlines and monopolizing the morning news.

Thank you for securing your own special spot in history and diluting ours.

Thank for liberating us from the stigma that has been emblazoned on our psyches since October 21, 2004.

And mostly, thank you for finally disencumbering us from the toxic ownership of "the biggest collapse in Major League Baseball history."

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A Friendly Game of Fantasy

By YankTank, Section MLB
Posted on Mon Aug 13 2007 at 11:00 AM EST
More on: Fantasy, baseball, MLB (all tags)

"Baseball is almost the only orderly thing in a very unorderly world." -Bob Veeck, past MLB franchise owner

"I've come to the conclusion that the two most important things in life are good friends and a good bullpen."  -Bob Lemon, HOF-er

No one needs two catchers on his fantasy team. And no one's going to win his league if his entire team targets one type of stat, whether it's ERA, SLG, BA... 22 players with identical strengths will never give you the versatility and power to dominate a team of carefully selected position players that all satisfy unique roles. So, if we religiously apply this seemingly common knowledge to our fantasy teams, why can't we apply these principles when coordinating other areas of life? Like...our friends.

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The MLB Japanglicize Movement

By YankTank, Section MLB
Posted on Sat May 05 2007 at 12:43 PM EST
More on: Japan, baseball, sushi (all tags)

Japanglicize v. (Juh-PANG-gluh-sahyz): to merge Japanese culture with that of English culture, ultimately enhancing both

I associate pasta with Sunday Night Football, hotdogs with baseball, Chinese food with rainy weather, and sushi with work. Those little white rice rolls, seaweed soup, and the green paste that masquerades as guacamole, conjure images of the suit-wearing, Blackberry-toting echelon of corporate America. Whenever a coworker suggests expensing lunch, I beg for Chipotle. But somehow I always get overruled and end up with an $8.95 lunch special on my desk (a "Bento Box," as it's called), and a growling stomach for the rest of the day.

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Boston: Bean, Beer, and a Buffalo

By YankTank, Section MLB
Posted on Thu Apr 26 2007 at 10:28 PM EST
More on: yankees, red sox, road trips, fenway (all tags)

"I have just returned from Boston. It's the only thing to do if you find yourself up there."
-Fred Allen, (1894-1957) comedian

I don't eat New England clam chowder or Boston éclairs. I don't wear the color red at all during baseball season. I weasel out of business trips that involve a Massachusetts destination. The city of Boston, to me, is no different than mint chocolate chip ice cream, margaritas, or "The Lord of the Rings." I don't care how universally popular they are: I've tried 'em, and I hate 'em.

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The Other Side of Schaudenfraud

By YankTank, Section Journals
Posted on Mon Oct 23 2006 at 8:42 PM EST
More on: (all tags)

Schaudenfraud: German word for taking pleasure in another's misery

A little late, but I have to abide by the rules of war. A little like the idea of giving medical treatment to POWs. I gave Mets fans their fair share of mourning time, but it's time to pour the salt in the proverbial open wounds.

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The Baseball Hangover

By YankTank, Section MLB
Posted on Tue Oct 10 2006 at 5:33 PM EST
More on: Yankees (all tags)

The only good thing to come out of the movie "Meet Joe Black" was a scene portraying a quick one-two punch of cars slamming into Brad Pitt. Right in succession. The only good thing to come out of this weekend was that I now have a reason to gratuitously reference this scene. That's just the kind of few days it's been.

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If ESPN's in the broadcast booth, who's guarding Hell??

By YankTank, Section Journals
Posted on Mon Sep 18 2006 at 8:54 PM EST
More on: (all tags)

I made 10 prop bets before this weekend. And by "made," I mean I invented them, as an exercise in Yanks/Sox rote predictability. The good news is that I would have been up a grand or so, had I actually put money on them (and if they actually existed). The bad news is that it made for unequivocally the worst announced game I've ever seen. Ever.

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