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What they really said…

Too many times in sports, we as the fans get a raw deal on what we’re told. We get to hear what the players and coaches have to say, but in a censored version. What they say on TV or in an article isn’t necessarily what they really say behind closed doors.
Lucky for you though, I was able to obtain an all-access pass to last week’s biggest events and happenings in sports (because that’s the kind of thing you can obtain fairly easily when you are a fake journalist). I got to conduct private interviews and attend private tapings under the guise that they wouldn’t be shared with the public. But thanks to my complete lack of any standing credibility, I can share them with you anyway! So for your reading enjoyment, here is the first installment of “What they really said.”

General Sports

The Absolute Hard Evidence a Player Uses Steroids

By David J. Cohen

Since the steroid cloud has polluted athletics fans everywhere have debated whether certain players are steroid users. Did Barry Bonds improve ten hat sizes in four years or did he hit his head really really hard one day? Did Slamming Sammy get his power from giving grace to the lord or by slamming some needles into his body? Is Shawn Merriman now just lights out or is he still juiced up? With many players the glaring signs are there but there is no tangible proof. And unless a player couldn’t cover up, wrote a book, or hired the worst lawyer in America it would always remain a debate. Until now.

General Sports

*MLB: It’s Not About the Mitchell Report- It’s About Names!

The Mitchell report was released and players were named. Was this enough and where does this leave the sport? Will Burge asks the questions…..

General Sports

Who Framed Roger Rocket?

Ever since the day the Mitchell Report was released the baseball world has dealt with constant drama. Admissions and apologies have been offered and denied. Fingers have been pointed and judgments have been passed. Reputations have been thrown into question and fans have been thrown into unrest. But one quality of the report has reigned supreme over all others; it’s entertainment value.

It’s no secret that America loves a good Soap Opera. Not a drama, but a Soap Opera. As in a drama where all rationality and reason disappear and the story becomes a delightfully hilarious mess of childish idiocy… and for whatever reason, it’s enthralling!

New York Yankees

Rocket Landing

By Billy Fellin

“Houston, we have a problem”
“Go on”
“The Rocket has landed in New York.”

The move that rocked the baseball world on Sunday, the Yankees signed Roger Clemens to a pro-rated 1-yr/28 million dollar deal. This comes out to about $4.5 million every month. So will the Rocket’s coming to the Bronx energize the team and get them back from the darkness of the AL East? Or is there nothing to help save the Yankees’ sinking ship?