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Endzone Celebrations: Making `Em Count

By MJOneill, Section NFL
Posted on Mon Jan 07 2008 at 12:14 PM EST
More on: NFL, college football, dancing (all tags)

Desmond Reed's head-over-heels flip into the endzone for USC in the Rose Bowl, and subsequent celebration, drew a fifteen yard unsportsmanlike penalty and the token ire of Pete Carroll. But what if it didn't? What if blatant self-aggrandizing meant the difference between a win and a loss? An extra extra point.

Twenty seconds left in the game, Tom Brady sneaks a quick one up the gut for a one yard touchdown, then grabs a cape from teammate Randy Moss, quickly dons a fake mustachio, and uses the football as his sword, triumphantly making a Zorro style slash and finishing with a Michael Flatley jig, raising both arms in otherworldly flourish just as the thirty second CAP clock expires.

It would leave the ultimate pass/fail, to be or not to be, point or no point decision to our panel of revolving judges, this particular day:  Michael Irvin, Icky Woods, and one of the hot Ben-Gal cheerleaders. They confer in a special six-by-six-by-six judge's chamber in the shape of a Budweiser, while John Mellencamp's "This is our Country" blares like the Jeopardy pondering tune.

In this made up game of great importance, the Patriots find themselves tied with the Cincinnati Bengals at 26 apiece after converting the first extra point, which will undoubtedly be referred to as the "dull point" by this time, and must convert the CAP point to keep their second straight undefeated season intact, or face overtime.

"The extra, extra point judges have made their decision," Al Michaels bellows.

"I think it could go either way," says Frank Calliendo, who eventually just takes over for John Madden.

"That's what she said," said special booth guest Steve Carrell.

"The CAP is good!" Yells Michael Irvin, breaking out into his own celebration dance. And the crowd goes wild... the crowd goes wild...

No longer would T.O or Chad Johnson be reviled for their antics, they would be rewarded, possibly even drafted higher in fantasy leagues. The CAP point would sweep the nation like Dancing with the Stars, spawning its own competing reality show because the writer's strike ends up going on for eternity.

So join me, sports fan, lover of entertainment, take my Kevin Bacon-in-Footloose-lead. Let us write to the NFL, the league that decided that the horse collar tackle would be legal within the tackle box or to a quarterback who is in the pocket, but magically illegal and fine-worthy outside the pocket. Let us write the NCAA who allows beer companies to sponsor underage athletic events. To you we decree: "The CAP point makes sense! Let there be dancing! ... and subsequent, subjective, third party quantification of said dancing!"