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What I Hate About Football

By jwalte04, Section NFL
Posted on Thu Nov 15 2007 at 11:19 AM EST
More on: NFL (all tags)

Yeah I know, the title startled me too after I wrote it. But as the old biblical saying goes, "You can't truly love something until you hate it and point out all its flaws". Now don't get me wrong, football is the best thing since sliced bread, even Canadian football (which I would still watch over baseball), but there are definitely some things that I would change. Enjoy.

Difference in overtime rules between the NFL and College football
I can't stand the NFL's overtime. One score and it is over. WTF. College overtime involves each team getting the ball in the opponent's territory and scoring back and forth. That is so much more exciting. For example, a few Sunday's ago, the Boise State-Nevada game went to four OT's and Boise State won it 69-67. Now that's football. This goes to show that even when two teams that I could care less about are playing, it was still awesome. In contrast, I can't even remember any OT games this season in the NFL.

The Kneel Down
Am I the only one that hates it? I want every game to be like a Madden game, where you try to score as much as possible. Even if there is 36 seconds left and a team is up 46-10, they should still go for that extra touchdown. HIGH SCORING ACTION. If there is no way to get rid of the kneel down, then there should be a rule where you can hit the quarterback for ten seconds after the snap. Haven't you seen the blockers for these things? All they do is stand up and play patty cake. Garbage.

That Middle Camera
Nothing makes me more nauseous. It might be good for replays, but not for real-time action. Plus, I decided I like depth perception. Not to mention that the middle camera almost fell on Hasselbeck and Burleson during Week 6's NFL Sunday Night game. If they don't stop them now, they will soon get us too!

The Faircatch
Man, I miss the XFL. How many times have you been watching a game and there was a punt returner that you wanted just to get laid out? But with a wave of the arm, he becomes untouchable. That's not football, that's not even Mexico. I say grab your sac, catch the ball, and run like hell or take a hit, Mary.

The BCS
I love how the I-AA College Football division is more advanced than the I-A College Football division. They have a playoff system, while we wait to see who the computer will compute as the "champion", via a computer. That pisses me off. I just don't get how they did not get rid of it after the 2003 football season, where LSU and USC split a championship title, even though USC didn't even play in the championship game. Until we have a playoff system, college football will never be what is could be.

Arena Football
The mentally impaired cousin of Canadian football. I would rather watch Lifetime. A fifty yard field, WOOOOOO Crazy. It would be a lot cooler if it was the NFL off-season and the NFL players played in it (like a spring league). Oh and what is with that guy that starts running in the backfield before the snap? What's the hurry?

Stupid football fields
    Boise State University- The biggest eye sore in American sports besides the 76ers' Calvin Booth. Who says "Man, we have to do something about all this plush, fresh-looking green grass. Lets try something different...I'm thinking blue". The away team should automatically get ten points and be allowed to hit the greenskeeper in the face.
    Louisiana State University- The Hooked on Phonics of college football fields. I do not need every line numbered. If I can't remember what line is between the 20 and the 30 yard line, then I should turn the game off, put down the beer, and turn on Sesame Street. But with the lack of intellectual prowess on LSU's bench, it is no surprise that them and their fans need help counting...not to mention tying their shoes.
    Canadian football fields- I'm sorry, but you just can't have your 50 yard line on the 55. That's physics.

Announcers
    John Madden- The most annoying man in football. He was a great coach and a awesome videogame designer, but please stop handing him a microphone. I don't know how Pat Summerall or Al Michaels can stand Captain Obvious.
*    "When you talk about a Mike Shanahan offense, you're usually talking about an offense".
*    "The team that scores more points than the other team usually wins."
*    "From the waist down, Earl Campbell has the biggest legs I've ever seen on a running back."

Tony Siragusa- Maybe I would like him if he were a competitive eater, but not an announcer. I'd like to call him a "lovable loser" but no one loves him. Fattie.

The Super Bowl in February
Does anyone else remember when the Super Bowl was in later January? Those were much simpler times. Now it got moved to the stupid month that can't even decide how many days it has. Not to mention competition against the groundhog.

"The Gameplan" with the Rock
Its like a mix between "Any Given Sunday", "Ms. Doubtfire", and a car wreck. I smell an Oscar.

Limited game availability
Okay, the NFL has two options: Stop showing games on the NFL Network, or make the NFL Network free and available everywhere. There's a good idea to make people like your network, by having their home team's biggest game of the year on a channel that is "soon available in your area". Crap.
Also, we are only able to watch five games a weekend. What about the other nine games? Unless you're rolling in money and have the NFL Gameplan, you're out of luck. They should start doing what CBS did for March Madness and start showing games online for free, or on more channels so you have options.

Pro Football Hall of Fame
"Hello, I'm looking for Art Monk. What? Oh, he's not here? Okay, I will see if I can reach his cell phone."

Icing Kickers
This always happens right when I have to piss. It pisses me off. Haha, piss. Anyway, I think that every time it seems that a coach ices a kicker for no reason (as oppose to changing a defense scheme, or replacing a player), it is a 10 yard penalty. That'll teach them and their little dog too.

Mike Alstott
I hope he loses his legs in some sort of bear mauling incident.

That feels a lot better, having all of that off my chest. I wonder if there are any games on?
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What I Hate About Football | 8 comments (4 topical, 4 editorial, 0 hidden)

well played (#5)
by YankTank on Thu Nov 15 2007 at 12:35 PM EST

AWESOME. Very nice job- So glad someone wrote this. Ive spent hours going back and forth with my sis about reasons why football is so aggravating. I'm in total agreement with everything you got here-ESPECIALLY the kneel down.

I hate the fact that there is a guy who kicks for a living and still can miss a 23 yd chip shot, the 2:00 minute warning, overtime rules, the extra point kick..

and MOST OF ALL, I hate how football fans wear baseball hates with NFL logos. Its not like I wear a helmet with a Yankee logo. Next time I go to a football game, I'm 100% wearing a giants helmet to establish a precedent.

Anyways, nice work--enjoyed reading this-

What you hate about football and why you are wrong (#6)
by judasrealm on Fri Nov 16 2007 at 10:15 PM EST

Where to begin? Perhaps listing the facets of the NFL you dislike would have been easier.
Overtime: Changes long overdue.
Despite the fact I disagree with the majority of your complaints, in regards to the NFL overtime procedures, I concur. The inadequacies of overtime stem from the lack of a guarantee both teams will have an offensive possession. Overtime and its' rules should parallel regulation play as closely as possible. During regulation play both teams kick off and as a result are granted an opportunity to play offense. Statistically the majority of overtime games end with both teams having at least one offensive possession, however the fact your offense may not see the field is a real and distinct possibility. At the very least allow both teams a singular offensive possession before implementing sudden death.
My distaste for the current overtime procedures is palpable, but NCCA overtime rules are far from ideal as well. By shortening the field, the rule effectively diminishes the role of special teams. Kick offs and kick coverage are non-entities under these regulations. The college system is an improvement over the NFLs' current policy, but has room for improvement. By taking the best of both current systems, the antiquated and inherently unfair NFL overtime methodology could finally be put out of our misery. The solution to the shortcomings of the present system is obvious. Overtime would follow regulation play rules. Each team would have an offensive possession either through kickoff, punt or turnover. If one team scores, the opponent would have the opportunity to score in response. If the team fails to score, the game would end. In the event both teams score, sudden death would apply to the remainder of the overtime session.
This system keeps play true to regulation rules while not granting either team a discernible advantage if they possess a high powered offense, defense or special teams unit.
THE KNEEL DOWN

How to explain the necessity of the kneel down? Clock management and the desire to keep your players from unnecessary injury. Last time I checked football is played with a time limit. If taking a knee milks valuable seconds, denies the opposition an opportunity to score, prevents meaningless risks to players and helps facilitate a win, it's simply good strategy.

THE FAIR CATCH

To say I have returned my "fair" share of punts would just be a blatant lie and I will assume your case is similar. Eliminating the fair catch would result in several possible scenarios. Kick returns would be a thing of the past. Unless the return man had a 10-15 yard buffer from the nearest coverage man approaching fast and with a singular goal to separate the him from consciousness, the returnee would step aside and let the kick take its' natural course down field. Kick returnees are a special breed and denying them the option of catching the ball without high-speed blunt force trauma is preposterous. Teams would go through a new return man every game that is if they could find anyone insane enough to accept this less than desirable task. Kick returns are possibly the most exciting plays of a game and subjecting talented returnees to unhindered, full speed collisions would ensure one thing, an average career of about half a game.

THE BCS

The Bowl Championship Series exists for a solitary reason, money. Find a way around denying schools, conferences and bowl committees the cash cows that are bowl games and I'm all ears.

Arena Football
Don't care for it? The answer is elementary.... don't watch.

CRAZY FOOTBALL FIELDS
No endorsement here for blue turf or numbering every other yard marker.
The most disturbing aspect of the Boise State Blue.......every year dozens of birds mistake the field for a body of water and become significantly flatter and dead upon landing.

MADDEN and the GOOSE
Madden's inane commentary is his bread and butter. His popularity isn't based on deep analytical insight. Awesome videogame designer?.....Madden's contribution to the game that bears his name is just that, his name.

Tony Siragusa may come off as just another ex-jock fat guy, but his field level analysis is unprecedented and most likely goes over your head or through it.

GAME AVAILABILITY

Make your way to any self-respecting sports bar and check out 14 games on the NFL SUNDAY TICKET and on their dime.

What you hate about football and why you are wrong (#7)
by jwalte04 on Sat Nov 17 2007 at 3:09 AM EST

I would just like to point out that yes I know things like the kneel down and fair catches are good strategy and can also protect against injury. I did not write this with the player in mind at all. This is what I like to call humor. Though it may not be your type of humor, you should have been able to recognize that it is intended to be humor nonetheless. Unless it went over your head or through it, much like when I miss Tony Siragusa's "unprecedented field level analysis". But when you think about it, you didn't have to write every reason why you think I am wrong. If you don't care for it, the answer is elementary...don't read it.

Thanks for the comments

PS. Woah woah woah, back up a minute...John Madden didn't write all the programming for the Madden football games? Are you sure?

[ Parent ]

: Call it what you will.. (#8)
by judasrealm on Sat Nov 17 2007 at 10:20 AM EST

I appreciate your take, but we both are cognizant that many of the topics you address are problematic and unlikely to be remedied in the foreseeable future. The NFL is the preeminent sporting entity and to utilize such a potentially devastating and flawed overtime will come to haunt this great league. Imagine the Sunday your beloved team loses a playoff game, conference championship or Super Bowl to an opponent who won the toss, moved the ball 40 yards and kicked a f...ing field goal from 50 some yards out while your offense watched helplessly.
I wish that fate on no fan or their team, but I fear only an injustice of this magnitude will force the hands of NFL owners to move overtime rules into the 21st century.

[ Parent ]

What I Hate About Football | 8 comments (4 topical, 4 editorial, 0 hidden)

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