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Taylor Hicks and the Ninth Circle of Hell

By mw2828, Section Journals
Posted on Mon Jul 17 2006 at 2:50 AM EST
More on: (all tags)

Listen, I'm going to make this quick. This is completely off the cuff. I'm skipping Microsoft word, its annoying squiggly green and red lines, just to say this one thing.

We sport fans are being subjected, in our markets, to an awful commercial. It appears at least five or six times per Yankee game, often BETWEEN EVERY INNING of the radio broadcast, and it is truly mind numbing.

Words can't describe the heinous act perpetrated against my eardrums when Taylor Hicks' Ford Commercial makes it's regularly scheduled appearance into my life. Make it stop.

Here's this freaking guy, dancing on a depressing glass stage like a drunken chimpanzee, flicking the camera like he's an untamable product of immense talent, spinning in a circle like he's burning supernova that only the wind's of nature could possibly comprehend, and singing, [is that singing or a sign of the Apocalypse?] some half baked song about his desire to get both what he wants and what he needs, before warbling on about some kind of possibility.

I mean, does anyone like this commercial? Is there one person who doesn't get completely disgusted when it comes on?

And isn't it funny how this guy looks like someone pretending he's famous? Honestly, what the commercial really reminds me of is some yokel who broke into a studio and started belting out his worst vocals, only this time it got caught from multiple camera angles. Who directed this? What were the conversations like on set?

" OK Taylor, now I want you to flick at the camera like you're a real bad ass, and than spin around in a pointless circle. And really get into that possibility. Make me believe it. POSS-IBI-LITY! Yeah, alright, now let's make the magic happen!"

This is the new American Idol? This is the best we can do? We get a lounge singer harmonizing about buying a Ford, really?

Oh, and what the hell does the song have to do with cars? Riddle me that, Batman. During this awful rendition of symphony from the ninth circle of hell, we suddenly cut to the brand new Ford line of cars being driven across ROCKY TERRAIN. Huh?

What really is going on here? Think about how Hicks is portrayed; cocky, confident, he knows what he wants and he gets it. So, he knows Ford, he wants a Ford, and he gets a Ford. That's why he's a big moron dancing on an empty stage with nobody watching him. See, this AD invites us to be Hicks. We should know what we want. We should get what we need.

We should have possibilities Goddamnit.

And the answer is Ford, baby.

Well screw Ford and this commercial. I don't want to be Taylor Hicks. I don't want a Ford.

I want to be the guy pointing and laughing at this horrendous joke of advertising run amok.

And, thankfully, showing this country is still sound of mind, so do you.

Hopefully.

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Taylor Hicks and the Ninth Circle of Hell | 13 comments (13 topical, editorial, 0 hidden)

Wow (#1)
by JDWC on Mon Jul 17 2006 at 3:17 AM EST

Chill out. That much of a rant over a commercial?? I don't know if you watched this past season of American Idol, but if you did, you'd understand that Taylor Hicks is in fact a very good singer and performer and deserved to win. Besides, he's just making some money by doing the commercial...who cares??

If you really want an annoying commercial to rant about, how about the car commercial where the two construction workers jump off their building and onto the big truck carrying the cars. It's not that part, but the part where it says 'ranked best in intial quality'...no I didn't make a spelling error, the word 'initial' is really spelled like that in the commercial. Now that is annoying and humourous at the same time.

J.D.

you use so many big words (#2)
by cernig on Mon Jul 17 2006 at 8:57 AM EST

i always have to look them up to see what they mean. i guess i should have studied more for my SAT's.

I did get uncomfortable.. (#3)
by RJ Warner on Mon Jul 17 2006 at 9:11 AM EST

watching it.

Yeah (#4)
by bobbyjim45 on Mon Jul 17 2006 at 9:13 AM EST

this is just one of many terrible commercials. There's this one for Empire Floors. Maybe it's just in the New England area on Comcast, but every time it comes on, it's so freaking loud. You literally have to turn the TV down like 5 or 6 notches just to get it to sound like whatever you were watching. It's loud enough to make you jump when it comes on if you aren't prepared. And it's not even a good commercial, it's just this guy talking about floors and siding. Terrible.

Applebees is back.. (#5)
by RJ Warner on Mon Jul 17 2006 at 9:17 AM EST

with those two shitbags playing some weepy crap about their new salads. At least the blonde douche is waaaaay in the background this time.

Hicks (#6)
by mw2828 on Mon Jul 17 2006 at 2:20 PM EST

I'm not killing Hicks, I just hate the commercial. He probably is talented, but is that what he's going to do with it? Make Ford commercials? [shudders] This took me like 30 seconds to write, and it got more feedback than the last two things I actually worked hard on. Than again, I was probably hard on the guy. I just hate that ad. Man. lol

Yep (#7)
by YanksWS96 on Mon Jul 17 2006 at 2:37 PM EST

I hate that commercial too. The one with Kelly Clarkson gets annoying after a while, but at least she's hot. (Which is why I wanted McPhee to win..). Taylor Hicks can't sing and that commercial sucks. Period.

Oh and ... (#8)
by Anonymous Fan on Mon Jul 17 2006 at 2:52 PM EST

This is Matt by the way, just at my friend's house. If someone game me that much money to do a Ford commericial, you can bet your life I'd do it. It's literally on all the time though. You can't get away from. Man, I was really on Hicks there. Especially about getting what you want and need. LOL. Yeah, that's why this was a Journal entry and not a feature length column. Stay cool Hicks, you have more money than me.

hahah I love that (#9)
by Vin on Mon Jul 17 2006 at 3:31 PM EST

we're all fired up about commercials.

I hated those Applebee commercials with a passion.

Anyway, Kelly Clarkson is NOT hot. They make her look hot in videos but.. check these photos out. UGHHHH.

http://idontlikeyouinthatway.com/image_pages/kceaster1.html

Ahhhh (#10)
by YanksWS96 on Mon Jul 17 2006 at 8:29 PM EST

What a horrible photo, Vin! Perhaps you are right about your previous opinion...

[ Parent ]

: there are more of those too (#11)
by Vin on Mon Jul 17 2006 at 9:00 PM EST

but I spared you guys from them.
Those photos make me unhappy in my happy parts.

[ Parent ]

Yeah (#12)
by Arenas00 on Tue Jul 18 2006 at 8:31 PM EST

I just saw that commercial twice in the same commercial break of the Red Sox/Royals game. Very bitter right now. I didn't know Jay Leno was singing these days.

RJ is the man (#13)
by IUfan62 on Thu Jul 20 2006 at 11:12 PM EST

[new] Applebees is back.. (#5)
by RJ Warner on Mon Jul 17 2006 at 9:17 AM EST

with those two shitbags playing some weepy crap about their new salads. At least the blonde douche is waaaaay in the background this time.

hahahaha RJ you're the best. Good times during march madness, 3 hour tuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuwweerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Taylor Hicks and the Ninth Circle of Hell | 13 comments (13 topical, 0 editorial, 0 hidden)

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