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By mw2828, Section MLB
As the new-year approaches, and the Jets, a punch line for ESPN lug heads [err, analysts] before the season began, continue to shock the football world, the Yankees made my Christmas, when their designs of trading the shriveling Unit leaked out to media outlets.
Why do I hate Randy Johnson?
Did you ever simply dislike a player? Was there a galling, empty pit in your stomach whenever this said player performed, an instinct of intuition that guaranteed his failure on the field? This is the extent of my connection with Randy Johnson. Every game I attend, it seems Randy gets blitzed. Before leaving my house for a Big Unit start, I hope against hope that ole' Randy has the slider working, the mechanics properly tuned, usually proving myself foolish in faith. It's really something personal. That S.O.B. has ruined at least six games for me over the past two seasons. He gets obliterated by the Mets. I mean... the Mets own Randy Johnson. They really own him. It disgusts me. When my brother, father, and I ventured to Detroit to see the Yankees take on the Tigers in 2005, Randy was rocked by a ferocious Tiger attack, racked by Magglio Ordonez and company. It got so embarrassing, that at one point I started correctly calling Tiger home runs, Chris Shelton to center, the aforementioned Ordonez to left, hell, me and Randy were on a real roll, he was serving the sliders up on a silver plated platter that memorable night. The absolute apex of this serendipitous debauchery [gives self a pat on the back] took place this past summer, during a forgettable Saturday dance with the Devil Rays. Seated in the upper deck behind home plate, I felt a distinct sense of helplessness. I knew Randy was going to get blistered. I was certain. And what happens? The Rays slaughter him. They disassemble the Big Unit, and I'm just sitting there smiling, just as I was in Game 3 of the 2005 A.L.D.S., amazed that any slider could hang so horrifically. I'm in a venomous rage, practically screaming at any fan in my section, regarding how much I hate Randy Johnson, before irrationally detailing the many merits of Javy Vazquez. And then, sure enough, a few weeks will go by, Randy will seem to get his proverbial shit together, and I'll be there, Tier Section 4, witnessing his latest setback. " I just didn't have it today..." I was in favor of acquiring Randy Johnson. I was certain Frank Robinson's prior abuse took the life out of Javier Vazquez's arm. I was affirmed that all those meaningless innings came back to haunt Javy, robbing his fastball of velocity. And that's the most frustrating aspect of the Randy Johnson era. The transaction that bought the Big Unit to the big apple, completed during the Yankees' lost winter of 04-05, should have been etched on the ledger as an absolute win. Javy Vazquez failed in Phoenix, before flaming out in Chicago. Depending on Kenny Williams' continued assault on his 2006 rotation, the maddeningly talented Vazquez could be dealt out of yet another exasperated organization. Brad Halsey? He's a journeyman, at apprentice level. The only significant loss in the Johnson trade was young catcher Dioner Navarro, who could have been groomed as a successor for Jorge Posada. Unfortunately for the Yankees, Johnson simply hasn't pitched well enough to justify the time and dollars spent on the deal. Despite his bouts with inconsistency, would the Yankees' fortunes, since 2004, been radically different with Javy Vazquez in the rotation, instead of Randy Johnson? Yes, Johnson did outperform Vazquez in 2005, and he did grind out an undefeated record against the rival Red Sox, but it was obvious to anyone with eyes that the Big Unit was deteriorating, his previously devastating slider ravaged but the dredges of time. We hoped, us Yankee fans, he would bounce back in his second season in pinstripes, play the part of ace, the role of intimidator. It was wishful thinking, and in retrospect, it was desperate optimism. How could a man in his forties suddenly reverse an obvious decline? How would a player, seemingly so miserable in his surroundings, find immediate comfort? No, Randy Johnson wouldn't return to form in 2006. He regressed further into mediocrity, hurting his back, dealing to an ERA of five, leading the league in grimace and sulk. I often wonder: What if the Yankees had kept Vazquez? What would if he done with his second chance, the opportunity to get truly comfortable in New York, to further his excellent rapport with Jorge Posada? We'll never know. Trading the Big Unit at this juncture is a defeat free proposition for Brian Cashman. Despite his age, his disturbing tendency to lose both concentration and location, and a decidedly surly disposition, dangling Johnson in this bull market will definitely return a worthwhile haul. So, I wish to bid farewell, Randy Johnson. The pleasure definitely wasn't mine. Thanks for pitching through the pain. Thanks for being nails against Boston in 2005, and for pitching as advertised that September. Thanks for that relief appearance in Game Five against the Angels. But it's time to go. 2 Who's on first? You know, I wanted Shea Hillenbrand, before a whiff of statistical smelling salt bought me to my senses. Here's a guy who is potentially poisonous in the clubhouse. Here's a guy who led the League in grounding into double plays. Here's a guy who never saw a pitch he didn't like. Here's a guy who's a certified butcher at first base. Therefore, allow me a moment to thank Angel management, for keeping Shea Hillenbrand thousands of miles away from the Bronx. The question remains: Who's on first for the Yankees? Doug "Eye Chart" Mientkiewicz remains an intriguing possibility. His positive attributes consist of an excellent glove, and... well, he hit .300 a couple of times for the Twins a few years ago. Remember? The negatives? His previously alluded to light hitting tendencies, and a questionable attitude, which produced verbal sparring matches with previous employers such as the Mets and Red Sox. A possible X factor: Mientkiewicz is a former High School football teammate of Alex Rodriguez, who really needs a friend [cue violins] If the Yankees were to sign Mientkiewicz, I could live with the decision. He would bat ninth, and depending on how adequately Josh Phelps handles first base in Spring Training, be strictly a platoon player. Hell, there's always a chance that Phelps tears it up this spring and Eye Chart is relegated to late inning defensive replacement duty, which would definitely be his best fit on the team. Look, Mientkiewicz, at his peak, could be described as a very good Major League player. This is an accomplishment worthy of high merit. But his skills seemed to have declined, and he probably isn't the answer. As I said, I could live with this scenario: Mientkiewicz is penciled in as the Yankees' first baseman at the outset of Spring Training, with Josh Phelps and Andy Phillips' pushing him for playing time, and battling each other for a roster spot. But I also could live without it. Which brings me to another possibility: Claiming a first baseman in the Randy Johnson sweepstakes... Conor Jackson? If the New York Jets can make the playoffs, anything is possible.
-Matt Waters
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