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By sign arenas, Section NBA
The Golden State Warriors are the best sports team in the Bay Area. There, I said it. The 49ers are ready to make Aaron Rodgers the least celebrated #1 pick in NFL history, the Raiders are apparently only too happy to field a defense a Pee Wee League team would be ashamed of, and both the A's and Giants are suddenly looking very ordinary. For the first time in longer than anyone can remember, the Golden State Warriors are the toast of the Bay. At least, they will be, once word reaches the masses that B. Diddy now runs the city.
Almost immediately, Baron Davis took the team over, becoming the starting point guard and unquestioned leader within a month of his arrival. There are certain times in life when the perfect person enters the perfect situation, and produces a masterpiece. This type of magic comes along only so often: Caesar becoming emperor of Rome; 2Pac signing with Death Row; Tom Berenger being cast in "Major League"; and now, Baron Davis joining the Golden State Warriors. The once-lowly Warriors have won 13 of 20 games since trading for Baron (a .650 winning %), including their last 6 in a row, and they have re-energized a fan base that has put up with the NBA's leftovers for the better part of 11 seasons. Life in Oakland isn't perfect, however, as there are a few drawbacks to this mini-renaissance. Golden State's management team still attends classes at the NASCAR school of design, which has resulted in hideous home, road, and alternate jerseys. Most offensive of all are the orange uniforms that have popped up this season, which look like they should be used by workers directing planes on a tarmac. The Warriors are also playing with house money at this point, having been eliminated from playoff contention on Opening Night. If you had a stick up your backside, you could point out that Golden State has nothing to lose, and aren't facing any real pressure. But the W's are still putting a waxing on teams with playoff seeding at stake, clubs like Phoenix, Sacramento, Philly, Seattle, and Houston. Right now, the Warriors look to be the 7th best team in the West next season, which would result in a playoff berth. In Oakland, the NBA playoffs are a place where the beer flows like wine, and the women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. In short, it's the promised land. Even if the low pressure = more wins philosophy somehow turns out to be true (even though it mysteriously hasn't applied to any other Warriors team who had nothing to play for come March), Golden State has at least become one of the more exciting teams in the league to watch. Baron and J-Rich have decided to skip the customary getting-to-know-you phase, and have jumped right into a well-oiled 2-man game. Other than Rodney White, Baron has made just about everyone on the team better, and some of his passes on the break have you looking around for a fat guy on the court yelling "OHHHHH BABY!" The only real downside is that the Warriors will likely end up with a lower draft pick thanks to this run, but the Warriors have shown in recent years that they can find talented players late in the lottery. The upside is that the only top-3 picks the W's have had in the past decade were Joe Smith and Mike Dunleavy, so it may actually be better for this team to shy away from the first hour of the draft. Every diehard Warriors fan feels like the luckiest person on the planet right now, which is to say, they feel like Kevin Federline. Which is appropriate, because just like Federline thought he would be stuck with that "Moesha" co-star after he got her pregnant, we too thought we were stuck with Speedy Claxton and Derek Fisher at the point. And similar to Britney, Baron is a little out of shape and carries a spare tire. In fact, no one knows if either will ever return to the form they exhibited just a few years ago. But when you take every possible question mark into account, the fact still remains: we're the Warriors, and she's Britney Spears. The Baron Davis trade has most Warriors fans feeling drunk with good fortune, almost to the point where we're ready to launch a rap career. Almost. But enough about Baron. You want to know how the other Warriors are doing. Here's a quick rundown on the non-Baron portion of the roster: Jason Richardson: After spending the first two-thirds of the season carrying a losing team on his back, J-Rich is finally back to the role for which he is best suited: a quiet scorer. Richardson isn't a vocal leader, and he isn't the type of player capable of carrying a team out of the NBA Lottery muck and into the light. But he is the type of player who can take over games in the 4th quarter, and he's been doing that all year. Now that Baron's around, J-Rich is getting better shots and more dunks, and he doesn't have to handle the responsibility of keeping everyone in line. In other words, he's in the perfect situation. He's going to be an All-Star next year. Troy Murphy: The forgotten man on this team, Murphy has put together a nice season, averaging 15 points and 11 rebounds while shooting 39% from beyond the arc. Of course, Warriors fans will tell you that Murph can't play defense, can't box out, and can't finish inside to save his life (all of which are true). But Murphy played in only 28 games last season due to plantar fascia tear, and I'm not convinced he's been healthy this season. The guy used to try to dunk over anyone in his way his first 2 seasons, and usually succeeded. Now, I'd be surprised if he can grab the rim. If Murphy never regains his hops, he at least has his outside shot to fall back on. If he can get past the foot injury and forget that he's white, the Warriors may have something going inside. Mike Dunleavy: Finally, the kid shows some juevos rancheros, pitching a fit on national television against the Mavs. Of course, he's since gone right back to his ghostly ways, disappearing for large stretches at a time. It should have been expected, seeing as how Mike's tantrum appeared to be half-hearted, as though he were mimicking blowups he'd seen from older players while watching his dad coach. The jersey toss was a nice touch, though. Given that this is only Mike's second full season of playing time, he gets some slack. But if he can't turn in a consistent effort next year, it's time to let him walk and hand the starting job over to.... Mickael Pietrus: All energy, all the time. Pietrus doesn't have an off switch, which means he goes for dunks when he should lay it in, he shoots when he should run out clock, and he speeds up when he should slow down. In short, he's a lot like having a puppy. They're excitable, and you love their energy, but you have to put up with a deuce on the rug every now and then. He's a great guy to have on the team, though, and the perfect player coming off the bench. Once he learns a little more about the NBA game, he'll enter Sixth Man of the Year territory. Adonal Foyle: Once every 10 to 15 games, Adonal Foyle will remind you of why he was a lottery pick. He's rebounding, he's blocking shots, even scoring the occasional basket in traffic. But that's only once every 10 to 15 games. The rest of the time, he plays like a kid at recess who wants his team to lose so he can go back to finishing his homework a day early. If the Warriors want him in the organization after he retires, fine. But don't make him the starting center. Derek Fisher: As Jason Kidd would say, I've done a complete 360 when it comes to Derek Fisher. My hatred for Fisher during his Lakers career knew no bounds; now, he's one of my favorite players. Before Baron arrived, Fish was the only player on the team who knew what it took to win close games. J-Rich was learning, but Fish knew. I just thank my lucky stars that there's no steroid testing in the NBA. If there were, I guarantee you'd see D-Fish hold a press conference, talking about bad his knee hurts and how he might "never" come back. He definitely wouldn't use his kid as a shield, though (ahem). Andris Biedrins and Zarko Cabarkapa: Throughout the course of history, Americans have been treated to many an entertaining duo from overseas. Mujibur and Sirajul. Scarface and Manny. Mario and Luigi. And now, we have Andris & Zarko (A & Z, for short), the most pleasant surprises of the 2004-05 season. Biedrins, despite being Chris Mullin's first-ever draft choice and the new franchise Golden Boy, was buried on the bench for the first 4 months of the season. But A.B. continued to train in the Downtown Oakland Warriors Practice Dojo, and once he was ready, Mullin went out and got him his very own Euro Posse. In came Zarko from Phoenix and Nikoloz Tskitishvili from Denver, two 7-foot stringbeans who have become Biedrins' best friends on the team. All 3 seem to share a quiet confidence, as though they always knew they could play, even if their coaches didn't. If this were a Smirnoff Ice commercial, they would be the guys who actually know Sergio. But while Tskitishvili has remained glued to the sideline, Andris & Zarko have actually performed, becoming a respectable forward duo off the bench. Zarko has played particularly well with Baron, and has terrific hands. Both guys are not only young and talented, but they also have the potential to get much better. Biedrins is the youngest player in the league (he's only 19/she said stop lyin'), and Zarko's hairiness indicates that he is physically mature well beyond his years. With ex-Warrior veterans Nick Van Exel and Danny Fortson refusing to play for their teams recently, it's nice to have young guys who just want to play. And that seems to describe A & Z perfectly- they're young, and they just want to play. Rodney White: Poor Rodney. The guy is playing for a contract next season, but the only minutes he can find are in garbage time. Ordinarily, this would be the perfect time to hoist shots and dupe some team into giving him a deal. But White has shown he is good at only 2 things: looking mean and missing layups. And Rodney's first talent becomes a lot more difficult to pull off when talent #2 keeps rearing its uhly head. Mike Montgomery: This being his first year in the NBA after 4,000 seasons at Stanford, Mike Montgomery essentially used this season as a mulligan. And because he's made some strides as the season has progressed, there's nothing wrong with that. My only problem with Monty early on was that he seemed to hold Pietrus' transgressions against him for too long, leaving the French on the bench for prolonged stretches of time. This led to a lot of minutes for Calbert Cheaney, which are minutes of my life I can never have back. Now that Pietrus is on the floor regularly, Monty and I are good. I do worry about the new coach, though, because too often he has a look on his face that suggests he's thinking more about how to skip out early and make his 9:30 dinner reservation than about how he can help the team win a game. Monty seems to argue foul calls just to keep himself awake, as well as to prevent anyone from catching on to his act. I'm on to you Monty.... While I Was Away... - I went so long between columns that I missed out on writing a baseball preview, though it did prevent me from making about 25 more steroid jokes than I needed to. Anyhoo, I think the Marlins will win the World Series, the Brewers will be a team that surprises everyone, and the Giants (2nd in the NL West) and A's (4th in the AL West) will both miss the playoffs. - Terrell Owens hired a new agent this week, and plans on renegotiating the 7-year deal he signed LAST YEAR. 2004: "Welcome to Philadelphia, T.O." 2005: "Welcome to T.O., Philadelphia" All of this is beautiful, because thanks to Owens, I'm with the Big Lebowski: "I'm tired, I've had a rough day, and I hate the f*cking Eagles!" - With help from Billy Packer, Jim Nantz tried his very best to ruin an otherwise entertaining NCAA Championship Game. The capper was Nantz's proclamation after the final buzzer that there was a "new dean of college basketball", a not-so-subtle and not-so-funny pun referring to former North Carolina coach Dean Smith. Nantz has a history of this, which leads me to believe that he is completely unaware of how much people hate him. I can picture Nantz coming home from a tough 3-hour double shift in the makeup trailer, pouring himself a glass of brandy, and sitting in his favorite chair next to the fireplace. He looks over at his trophy wife, interrupts her in the middle of reading a book, and says, "Honey, should Lousiville win the tournament, I've got my victory call ready. Ready? OK..." He leans forward in his chair, and begins. "5 seconds left, 3, 2, 1...and for the second time in his career, Rick Pitino is feelin' lucky in Kentucky!" Then he leans back in his chair, proud of himself, as his trophy wife gives him the obligatory applause they both feel he deserves. She can't believe she was lucky enough to marry someone so clever. He walks over his bearskin rug and leaves the room with a smug grin on his face, confident that he's just thought of another landmark call to place in his already impeccable broadcasting library. He changes out of his blazer/turtleneck combo into a smoking jacket, and enjoys a fine cigar out on the porch with the rare breed of dog he overpaid for. His trophy wife comes outside to offer him some lemonade, one of 5 phrases her pull-string action allows her to utter. He politely accepts, pets his dog, puffs away on his cigar, and starts dreaming about the upcoming Masters tournament.
At least, that's how I envision an off-air Jim Nantz. Maybe I'm way off, and he's really a lumberjack in real life. But I don't think so. I want to hit the guy with a shovel. Story writing contestLog in or create an account to vote for this story!
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