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Who is America's Team?

By Vin, Section Other Sports
Posted on Tue Jun 01 2004 at 11:24 AM EST
More on: (all tags)

Well, would you look at this poll from ESPN.com. Exactly the type of poll that drives me nuts. I had no idea that the term "America's Team" meant the most hated team in America. All they had to do was add in Duke basketball and the Braves and this list is complete.

So there you have it folks, the (complete?) list of the most hated teams in America: Lakers, Yankees, Braves, Duke, Notre Dame, Cowboys.

There are three main reasons that these teams make me (and countless others) want to puke.

1. The media love affair with them. I'm not sure why it happens. It could be that some of them are in the biggest markets (LA, NY). It could be that some of their players are now TV analysts (Cowboys). Or it simply could be that the majority of people are stupid fucking sheep and the media caters to stupid fucking sheep. (See MTV.) In any case, every time I read an article or listen to sports experts, they are always touting how great these teams are. How full of tradition they are. I always wonder how the TNT broadcast team manages to get out of the Lakers' jocks long enough to actually give us any commentary. Most of these teams are like grown up child actors - simply famous for being famous. They haven't offered up anything decent in the recent past yet they continue to get press coverage.

2. They get the best players. Yet they manage to blow it all the time! Aside from the Lakers and Yankees, how many of the above teams actually take the championships they're supposed to win. Nice work, Atlanta, wins the NL East every friggin year, yet always manages to lose. With the starting rotation they've had year in and year out, they get ONE World Series title?

Same goes for Duke. Pick of the litter every single year from high school basketball factories, yet manages to choke almost every year. Seems the Yankees are heading in that direction too. Last three years, they've had the biggest payroll in baseball and no championship. (Although they did win 3 in a row between 1998 and 2000 so we'll cut them some slack on this front.)

3. Their fans. People might get sick of a team winning all the time but sometimes you have to shake your head and just recognize greatness when you see it. But what separates these teams from others are their clueless fans. Note to Yankees/Braves/Cowboys/Lakers fans: Don't fool yourself into thinking we're just envious. You don't become a universally hated team unless the fans have something to do with it.

There is a general misconception that bandwagon fans are bad fans. Not necessarily. I think it's pretty cool when Grandma gets all into the Flyers or whoever when they're making a run. It binds a city together and makes the playoffs more fun. But you stop Grandma on the street and she'll admit she's just really caught up in the atmosphere and wanted to support the team. Nothing wrong with that.

What I can't stand about the fans of the above teams is that they pretend like they're die hard fans, yet, ask them to name a player from a down year and they'll be fumbling for an answer. What it comes down to is that pound for pound, these fans are the least knowledgeable of any team in the four major sports. They just constantly remind you how great their team is/was without even offering up a tiny fragment of any real sports knowledge.

Talking to a Cowboy fan is like dealing with an employee at the DMV. You want to just reach across and choke the crap out of them but decorum prevents you from doing so.

Here is a typical exchange with a Cowboy fan:

Me: What do you think of the Giants getting Coughlin?
CF: We got Parcells! Owww! Cowboys Rule!!!
Me: Ok... What about your quarterback situation? What's going on there?
CF: Quincy is fine! Parcells rules!! The Tuna is going to make Quincy into the next Robert Starbuck!
Me: Do you mean Roger Staubach?
CF: That's what I said! Hey, how many championships have the Eagles won?! HUH? How many?
Me: Umm.. touche. I guess.
CF: Cowboys RULE! YEAH! OWWWW!

I don't know whether to be angry or sad after such a conversation. In a way, I feel sorry for these people. It must be hard (or blissful) to go through life with your head up your ass all the time.

Remember, real sports fans, whatever you do, do not let your kids grow up to be a fan of any of these teams unless they are born within the geographic boundaries of the home city. God forbid they end up like this kid. (Note to kid: this is the ACC championship. This is NCAA basketball. The conference tourneys don't matter. Especially if you're Duke and you'll make the field of 64 on reputation alone.)

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Who is America's Team? | 3 comments (3 topical, editorial, 0 hidden)

There is no such creature (#1)
by LG on Tue Jun 01 2004 at 12:38 PM EST

Back in the ancient days when remote controls consisted of getting off one's ass and lumbering over to the TV Set, there was such an animal.

But a funny thing happened on the way to the pig sty. Cable TV was introduced to the American public. And then after we ate at the trough with cable, Direct TV came out and we could watch OUR teams when and where we wanted.

This killed the whole "America's Team" theory. People support their local teams more now, even though they watch more teams. Back in the day, you'd only see the best teams on Monday Night Football or in the World Series or in the NBA Championships. Remember, in 1980, the NBA Finals were tape delayed IN PHILADELPHIA.

With MNF, the league and the networks set up the schedule to make sure the best teams were shown as much as possible. Add in free agency, and now you have the best players looking west to LA and east to NYC. Why? Large media markets, strong followings by the local teams, and quite simply, they are exciting places to live when you are making a lot of jack.

As the expansion of cable and satillite TV took place, fans of Team X could now see their teams with much more regularity than in the past. You could see a ton of NCAA games on ESPN in the 80's that were NEVER seen before. I remember, as a 7-8 year old kid in the late 1970's, watching Seton Hall games on a black and white TV in my basement on LOCAL ACCESS TV! You can now be a Seton Hall fan and watch most of their games via satillite anywhere in the world.

So the whole concept of America's Team is skewered. Are there teams that are more popular than others? Sure. A lot of that has to do with demographics. I suspect that the Arizona Cardinals will be a major player in the NFL simply because Phoenix is growing at such a rapid pace. It's a great place to live in the fall and winter. You see Yankees and Lakers jerseys all over the place, well, because their are umpteen million people who have lived there.

Don't forget about Nebraska (#2)
by milehigh on Thu Jun 03 2004 at 7:17 PM EST

Nebraska fans are absolutely obnoxious. However, they do know their team. I write that off to the fact that they live in Nebraska and there is nothing in Nebraska except the Cornhuskers and kissing cousins.

Your Duke snapshot is a classic. This one is right up there too:

America's Most Hated Teams eh? (#3)
by dusty on Sat Jun 26 2004 at 1:32 AM EST

I dont "hate" on sports teams. I like to think I am intelligent enough to appreciate what is good about each of the teams you mentioned in your article. I think that people who constantly bitch and complain about the yanks are secretly jealous of their rich history and the fact that their owner will do anything, or buy any player to make the team better. Now, I am not a yankee fan by any stretch of the imagination, and I do on occasion blast steinbrenner for his idiotic comments to the press.Being a diamondback fan has its drawbacks, but beating the yanks in game seven restored my faith in the smaller market teams that can not afford to buy the top notch players available each year.

Cowboys have a huge fan base as well, and I am sure alot of their fans have never even been to a game! But I do marvel at what parcells are done with that team so quickly.

The lakers piss me off only because they seem to be going through the motions each season until the playoffs start, then they get moving. My husband is a Laker fan, so that might account for my general dislike of them as well. But you do have to tip your hat to a team that manages to make it to the final round with all the internal strife the lakers have had all year.

I generally root for the underdogs when "MY" teams arent involved in the playoffs. But I do give the winners their due whether I like them or not.

so basically I lump the haters in with the nimrod fans that always tout their team as the "best"and all other teams "suck".Both groups are at the opposite ends of the fan scale..but they have one thing in common..ignorance.

Who is America's Team? | 3 comments (3 topical, 0 editorial, 0 hidden)

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