I don't know, it wasn't bad. I thought it got a little TV-ish towards the end, I like the disclaimer at the beginning. I like the setup in the middle. But that doesn't mean it wasn't good, it just means try to write a little more like you're talking to someone instead of at someone.

The only person who seems to get away with the "at someone" style of speaking is Boomer Esiason, don't feel you have to emulate him.