"Thomas collides with Tyson Chandler who's inexplicably trying to block the crap out of him during a lay-up drill"

"and retires early due to complications from diabetes "

"He has legendary battles with Chris Paul. "

"Playing in the Israeli league for Hapoel Jerusalem he marries an Israeli woman, and with the subsequent citizenship is drafted into the army."

* Can't stop laughing. Should have used the "Curse of Shawn Bradley" on Bryant...Good stuff. This site needs more of this.