MLB New York Yankees Philadelphia Phillies

MLB Umpires: Much ado about sucking

By Tom Kelly

So when Major League Baseball made the decision to exclusively include umpires with World Series experience in this year’s fall classic did it make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?  Well it probably shouldn’t have, because all it did was assure us that those making the incorrect calls would do so with decades of collective experience.

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The NBA Conference Finals in pictures

The 2009 NBA playoffs have been a total blast. Full of hard fouls, close games, and buzzer beaters, they have been an absolute pleasure to watch thus far. And luckily, the conference finals haven’t been any different.
But rather than bore you with statistical breakdowns or genuinely intuitive and knowledgeable articles about these crucial series, I will once again be your source for the number one way Americans (namely anyone who is amused by my postings in particular) choose to get their information… with pretty pictures from the internet!
So enjoy this post of the NBA conference finals in pictures, and thank me for not asking you to strain your brainpower later…


2009 NFL Draft preview

This weekend marks the yearly tradition of men sitting around for hours on end, throwing back beers, eating crappy food, and watching what could be called the most repetitive and mundane sports coverage of the year… and loving every minute of it!

That’s right, the NFL draft is upon us.  So prepare yourselves for a full day of hearing about the linebacker who is “an absolute beast,” the tackle with a “tremendous upside,” and the quarterback that teams are “truly in love with.”  And if there are no big trades or shocking picks, who cares?  At least you’ll enjoy seeing some crazy suits and watching the pained look on a prospect’s face as he pretends to be excited to join that team.


2009 MLB predictions

With opening day of the 2009 Major League Baseball season just around the corner, it’s time for every credible sports journalist to lay their reputations on the line and give their predictions for how the year will play out. Well, despite lacking credibility (or accreditation for that matter), I’ve decided to give it a whirl too. And since most of the supposed “expert” predictions in the media turn out to be horribly wrong, I’ve decided to just shoot from the hip with the first thing that came to mind. So here it is, my completely inane list of 2009 MLB predictions.

NFL NFL General

NFL off-season update

The NFL off-season is in full swing with the start of free agency landing some big names in the headlines via fat new contracts, big time trades, and surprising cuts. While all of the changes can be a bit hard to follow, unemployment has blessed me with the ability to watch SportsCenter 14 hours a day, so I’m here to help. And remember, this is no fun for me. I’m gluing myself to ESPN every day for you people, so… yeah, you’re welcome.

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What they really said…

Too many times in sports, we as the fans get a raw deal on what we’re told. We get to hear what the players and coaches have to say, but in a censored version. What they say on TV or in an article isn’t necessarily what they really say behind closed doors.
Lucky for you though, I was able to obtain an all-access pass to last week’s biggest events and happenings in sports (because that’s the kind of thing you can obtain fairly easily when you are a fake journalist). I got to conduct private interviews and attend private tapings under the guise that they wouldn’t be shared with the public. But thanks to my complete lack of any standing credibility, I can share them with you anyway! So for your reading enjoyment, here is the first installment of “What they really said.”

MLB General

Baseball in the Big Crab Apple

This season has been a trying one thus far for Gotham’s baseball faithful. With the Mets and Yankees both floundering around the .500 mark the idea of a postseason sans New York has become a very real possibility. And the events of this past week, for the teams on both sides of town, have certainly left a sour taste in the mouths of those taking a bite out of Big Apple baseball.

New Orleans Hornets

The playoffs are buzzing…

The NBA Playoffs have, in some ways, been very similar to years past. The Spurs stole away the Suns hopes of glory with methodical, albeit boring, execution. Tracy McGrady and the Rockets were once again ousted in the first round (will someone please tell this guy to stop walking under ladders while spilling salt and kicking black cats?). The Pistons steady D led them through a surprisingly tough series. But this year, the playoffs also have something they have lacked in recent years; the buzz of an exciting, young, and effective team. It’s the buzz of a team that plays the game unselfishly, and goes all out on every play. It’s the buzz of a team that is high-flying and entertaining, but also has the capacity to actually make a championship run. It’s the buzz of the Hornets.

Green Bay Packers

But what about Brett Fav-ruh?

The day has finally come. It is time to say goodbye to everyone’s favorite fun-lovin’, gun-slingin’, Wrangler wearin’, 5’o clock shadow-havin’, burger eatin’, just another regular guy like you or me (except for the money, rugged good looks, and talent) quarterback. The announcement came early Monday morning around 7:30am Eastern Time: Brett Favre is officially retiring… probably.

NFL General

Super Bowl XLII: Brady’s encore or Eli’s debut?

The stage is set for another classic duel of Brady vs. Manning… Eli Manning. If anyone asked me who I thought would come out on top of this match-up at mid-season it’s likely that I would’ve punched them in the head, and never spoken to them again for fear of associating myself with such a astonishing imbecile. However, it’s not mid-season anymore and going into the final game of the year these two teams aren’t nearly the same as they were then. Their leaders under center have transformed dramatically over the past few weeks, and it has changed the face of the Super Bowl dramatically as well. We might have a game on our hands after all.