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Madcap mascots make our games merry
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Satire

Madcap mascots make our games merry

Posted March 29, 2006 by RJ Warner

They’re fun. They’re cute. They’re Criminals (Yuma HS, AZ)! Ah, the life of the sports mascot. Be it high school, college, or the pros, the game just can’t go on without an eight foot tall, oversized, stuffed Banana Slug (UC-Santa Cruz). I want to be a part of the fun, so I’m going to apply [...]

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Have a Neat Summer!
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Satire

Have a Neat Summer!

Posted June 30, 2006 by RJ Warner

Remember your high school yearbook? Me neither, but I do remember signing them for friends (stay cool, dude!), non-friends (trying to cleverly mix the word “fart” in there somewhere) and wish-they-were-girlfriends (my phone number) like I was some sought-after athlete whose scrawl would be cherished for generations, if not days. Mine of course, would get [...]

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Dude- Did YOU Know the Olympics Were Going On?
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Olympics

Dude- Did YOU Know the Olympics Were Going On?

Posted February 16, 2006 by RJ Warner

Where have all the East German “women” gone? That’s a question that’s been dogging me as I’ve been trying to watch these “Oplimpiadi Invernali” (Italian for winter olympics) during the first half a fortnight. I mean I’ve really, really been trying to watch. It seems however, that all the sports news media types are more [...]

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I Must Break You
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General Sports

I Must Break You

Posted February 20, 2006 by RJ Warner

Everyone loves to say that records are made to be broken. So when someone like Cal Ripken comes along and breaks what is believed to be an absolutley, positively, your-so-dumb-if-you-think-anyone-will-ever-touch-it unbreakable record, it should be celebrated and appreciated forever. Or at least until someone breaks that record. So, without sounding like a broken one, let’s [...]

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NHL Olympic Break Report
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NHL General

NHL Olympic Break Report

Posted February 14, 2006 by RJ Warner

The New NHL: in like a lion (shootouts, more scoring), out like a whimpering, kicked little puppy dog (the ready-to-explode gambling scandal). While Wayne Gretzky is busy wiping the sweat from his brow, let’s review the “first half” of the NHL season up to the Olympic break. First, the Eastern Conference (hey, we got a [...]

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pittsburghpiratesparrotmascot
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Pittsburgh Pirates

A funny thing happened on the way to another losing season…

Posted July 18, 2011 by RJ Warner

Hold on, let me check my watch. And by watch I mean the home screen on my phone because who wears a watch anymore? As of 10:43 PM ET on July 15, Year of Our Lord or Roberto Clemente 2011, the Pittsburgh Pirates are sitting alone in first place. Wait, let me put that on [...]

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Ask RJ: Inaugural December Edition
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General Sports

Ask RJ: Inaugural December Edition

Posted December 17, 2008 by RJ Warner

Checking my Sportscolumn article archives, I noticed that it’s been 30 MONTHS since I’ve had an article published. Was it laziness or some subconscious protest to not write something until Michael Vick has received the justice he deserves and rightfully resumes his NFL career with the Oakland Raiders. Since it was just reported today that [...]

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The clueless soccer fan’s guide to watching the World Cup
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Soccer

The clueless soccer fan’s guide to watching the World Cup

Posted June 8, 2006 by RJ Warner

Remember comedian Jay Mohr’s talk show on ESPN back in 2002? Of course you don’t. It lasted only 16 seconds, but that was long enough for him to get in the one line that pretty much captured how the good ol’ U.S of A. has felt about the rest of the world’s favorite quadrennial sporting [...]

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