NFL General

Wake Me Up When the Season Starts

   I am stuck 33,000 feet above ground on an extremely bumpy airplane in route to Orlando, Florida. My flight was delayed three hours due to who knows what back at the Philly airport. The food served on board tastes like a mixture between dog vomit and urine. (Not that I have ever tasted either.) I am squished between two dudes who really need to give Jenny Craig a call and the baby behind me won’t stop kicking my seat. The old granny in first class thinks of something new to complain about every other minute while a group of young ladies, unattractive at that, won’t stop reciting the lyrics to “Stacy’s Mom.” That song is like eight years old, find a new favorite tune. Just when I thought nothing else could possibly go wrong, I look up at the TV to see if anything worthwhile is on, only to find myself watching preseason NFL football. God, kill me now.       Of course, the preseason is a valuable time for coaches to determine roster spots, starting jobs, and player personnel. It is the time for rookies to show that they are NFL ready and a chance for everybody to see new faces in new places. We get to witness the new coaching strategies and new offensive and defensive schemes. But honestly, do it on your own time.

     If you are like me, you can’t stand to watch more than one drive of a preseason game, if that. I’d personally rather watch Carrot Top perform than to observe the Oakland Raiders third string defense where most of them probably won’t even make the team. I don’t want to watch the Raiders first string, what makes you think I want to watch their 3rd and 4th?

     Second of all, the preseason means absolutely nothing. The Colts haven’t won a preseason game in who knows how many years, yet they always seem to start the season top notch, not missing a beat.

     In 2001, I was extremely high on the Vikings, fantasy football wise and in reality. Being the fool that I was, I stayed in love with them after they went 4-0 in the preseason. They looked untouchable and unstoppable. Their rookie running back Michael Bennett was my sleeper pick of my own fantasy football draft. Apparently, he stayed asleep for the whole season as he only crossed the goal line twice. I wouldn’t let the preseason hype take control of my mind ever again.

    And don’t forget all the injuries. Four years ago Michael Vick broke his leg in the preseason and ruined his teams Super Bowl dreams. Wow, that may have been the first sentence in three months that included Michael Vick and didn’t mention dog fighting. How about four years before that when Trent Green was maimed for the season with a knee injury? This obviously opened the door for Kurt Warner, and we all know how he handled that situation. Kenny Irons for the Bengals recently tore a knee ligament and will be done for the year, while over in the Big Apple, my team, the New York Giants are flooded with injuries.

   Sam Madison, Will Demps, Steve Smith, and Michael Jennings are all victims of the Ravens attack. Jennings unfortunately, is lost for the season.

     This brings me to my latest idea. Call me crazy, but quite frankly, I am crazy so I wouldn’t really be too offended. My master idea is to let teams schedule their own preseason games. Teams could have as many as four games, and as little as zero. Teams who would schedule four games would most likely be the teams that have heated controversies over starting and backup positions. Most likely, every team would schedule as least one game just to work off the rust and get in season mode. But think about it, it would prevent injuries while still allowing coaching staffs to get the insight they need before opening day. There would possibly be some scheduling conflicts, but would be easily worked out. It’s just an idea, but maybe we can run with it.

  So I am still sitting on this airplane faced with the same distractions as said earlier. I am seriously thinking about taking a Louisville Slugger to the baby behind me and requesting that Granny will just walk toward the damn light. Thankfully, I have some pills that will make me finally fall asleep, but please, don’t wake me up until the season starts.

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