New York- We Have a Problem

There are a few times in a man’s life when they are more pissed off than when there is no toilet paper available after you took a gigantic dump, but let me assure you, this is one of those times.

I have been a New York Giant at heart ever since I came out of the womb. I have witnessed their ups and downs, good times and bad. I attended their 41-0 complete domination of the Minnesota Vikings in the NFC Championship, as well as their 34-7 Super Bowl loss against the Baltimore Ravens when Trent Dilfer looked as if he was John Elway.
We all know that old scapegoat of a saying, “it’s not you, it’s me.” Many a girlfriend have used that phrase on me to apparently escape their own personal hell. But when your relationship partner announces this to you, everybody thinks the same thing; that’s a load of bull shit. That is exactly what I am saying to myself right now when I think about the Michael Strahan situation.

At that start of Giants training camp, Strahan was nowhere to be found. He called coach Tom Coughlin and left him a message saying that he was thinking about retiring.

That is where Michael, I call your bluff. He saw Dwight Freeney’s pockets exploding with green pieces of paper, and he had his own plan to get his contract renegotiated.

In 2002, Strahan signed a seven year $46 million contract and he is due at least $4 million each of the next two years. He realized that he couldn’t quite buy the state of Montana with that money, so Strahan obviously believes that he deserves a big money pay day.

Michael is trying to play it off as something else. You know, the good old, “it’s not you, it’s me.” He claims that he is mulling retirement because of his recent injuries missing 15 games the past three seasons. If you want to retire because of your injuries, then why did you work hard all off season to rehab your foot and get into shape for the upcoming year?

He told reporters that he was excited for the season and he was in great physical condition just days before camp. Teammate Antonio Pierce said that Strahan looked amazing and was determined during drills at mini camp.  

Which brings me back to my argument, it’s all about the Benjamin’s baby. But maybe he has another motive. I mean, he saw what Tiki Barber did last year and Michael was pretty believable on the Chunky Soup commercials. If I’m not mistaken, he and Jared from Subway did a commercial last year as well.

But if Strahan does indeed retire, he couldn’t have done it at a worse time. The Giants were already screwed on the defensive end even if Strahan was in the lineup. Maybe he was trying to escape the embarrassment. Obviously, he isn’t a gigantic force like he used to be, but he is still a valuable asset. He is still a team leader. If Strahan isn’t wearing a Big Blue uniform, it will seem like there is a gap in my heart, much like in Strahan’s teeth.

Michael, don’t listen to all those haters, I still want you back. Come on man, after all that we have done for you; you know that I paid Brett Favre to pretend you sacked him just so you would get the record. That was for you Mike. If you leave, “The Bronx is Burning” might have to apply to the New York Giants. (Even though they play in New Jersey which makes no sense.)

The Giants fans have become more vocal about their lack of success the last few years. Sure, they made the playoffs last season, but that’s not good enough. The Yankees have 26 rings and New Yorkers are still furious. Eli was supposed to be the great savior, but has ended up making Archie’s choice of his favorite son a lot easier. Peyton won. Burress was supposed to be Randy Moss of the Vikings, but has looked more like Moss of the Raiders. Shockey talks a big game, yet he refused to work out with Manning in the off season and gain a bond that they need.

The Giants still need him to act as super glue, and keep the  team together. Michael Strahan, please don’t screw us, because us Giants fans are all too used to that.