It’s still weeks away, and I already feel like Super Bowl XLI is going to be one of the most boring sporting events of my lifetime.Actually, it’s pretty much guaranteed. So far this playoffs almost every game’s been great, and we’ve seen several memorable moments, from Shoe-Horn Hands Romo to the New England Patriots’ Shawn Merriman impression.
The conference championship games also look to be entertaining, or at least compelling from a potential storyline perspective.
What? You’re not excited about another week of Joe Buck talking about how much the Saints mean to the city of New Orleans?
Seriously, the NFC title will be decided in sub-freezing Chicago weather and Peyton Manning will have perhaps his best shot yet to oust the Pats from the playoffs, and the noise of a packed RCA Dome should drown out his last excuse.
Brady’s got the rings and good looks, while all Peyton gets is stuck with some extremely homely features and a few of Dan Marino’s records. If he doesn’t beat Brady this time, he might as well just go pick up his little brother in New York and head for the Mexican border.
But even if Manning crumbles like a Drake’s Coffee Cake, he promises to put on a good show, much like the Saints, who I expect will fall victim to just how good their story really is.
It would be great to see the Colts and Saints in the Super Bowl: which is why there’s almost no way that will actually happen.
No, no. Instead the Patriots will eek past Indy in some ludicrous last-second scenario that involves Brady getting hit, throwing the ball off his own lineman’s head, catching it again, trying to run, breaking a tackle and eventually lateraling to Jabar Gaffney who snaps off a 72-yard touchdown as time expires.
Frigging great. Now it’s the Bears and Patriots in the Super Bowl and the best thing anyone will come up with to talk about is how the Patriots have been there three of the last five years while Chicago, you know, hasn’t.
And what follows will be an absolute slaughter, as the Pats defence feasts on Rex Grossman like a fat camp escapee at a Mandarin Buffet.
Cue the endless celebration shots of Brady picking confetti out of his chiselled chin, Bill Belichick in what I swear is a woman’s hooded sweatshirt and a bunch of previously average receivers that are apparently amazing all of the sudden.
Throw in some gratuitous use of the word “dynasty” and a few cracks about how Dennis Green was right about the Bears, and voila, you have another really lame Super Bowl.
Brian Urlacher will go back to making Chunky Soup commercials and we’ll all call it a big, boring day.
It’ll be just like week one, but with larger nacho platters, Prince, and million dollar commercials spots.
And that’s why we love the NFL.
You always hear about parity and how it’s a totally unpredictable league, but if there’s one thing you can usually bet on it’s that the final game, like New Year’s Eve, is almost always a big disappointment.
You know what they say: On any given Sunday, the Super Bowl will suck.
…For more of Aaron Miller’s opinionated but humorous sports ramblings, visit GrandstandAdmissions.com